Shandy Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 How long does it take for you to realize you have fallen in love with your SO? If after dating say, a year, and you still don't love them even though things are going well, is this an indication that they are not the right person for you?
Nemo Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Sometimes it only takes seconds, and sometimes it can take a lifetime. But if you're not in extremely deep "like" after three months, I would move on. Another way of putting it that if you have to ask, then you're not in love, or ever likely to get there. You are merely "comfortable," and seemingly happy to go with the flow. You are scared (or ashamed) of the idea of being unattached, and so you put up with the status quo.
Charles1978 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 If after a year, you don't know... yep... move on. For me, I have always known within a few months.
tidalwave Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Sometimes it only takes seconds, and sometimes it can take a lifetime. But if you're not in extremely deep "like" after three months, I would move on. Another way of putting it that if you have to ask, then you're not in love, or ever likely to get there. You are merely "comfortable," and seemingly happy to go with the flow. You are scared (or ashamed) of the idea of being unattached, and so you put up with the status quo. extremely deep in 3 months? what? i agree with the second paragraph but the first paragraph is crazy!! i dont even know if i like someone yet after 3 months, lol. love is relative: if you want to be in love then you will, if you dont you wont. stop asking questions and let things take its natural course.
prettybaby Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 If you're not in love after a year, I would seriously reconsider the whole situation. If you're not sure you're in love, then you're most likely not. I have only fallen in love about twice in my whole life, so I'm not exactly an expert. The first time, it took me a few months (basically the time it took for me to get to know him). The second time was love at first sight. The second I saw him, it was like *BAM* and I thought "I HAVE to get to know him". Amazing feeling!
tidalwave Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 If you're not in love after a year, I would seriously reconsider the whole situation. If you're not sure you're in love, then you're most likely not. I have only fallen in love about twice in my whole life, so I'm not exactly an expert. The first time, it took me a few months (basically the time it took for me to get to know him). The second time was love at first sight. The second I saw him, it was like *BAM* and I thought "I HAVE to get to know him". Amazing feeling! does this mean that there is no time frame? first you say if not in love after a year then reconsider, then you say you found love at first sight... so what you really are saying is that there is no time frame, right? just let stuff happen... dont put limits and time on anything!
prettybaby Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 does this mean that there is no time frame? first you say if not in love after a year then reconsider, then you say you found love at first sight... so what you really are saying is that there is no time frame, right? just let stuff happen... dont put limits and time on anything! No, I think one year is too long. But hey, that's just my opinion, so don't take it for granted. Like I said, I haven't fallen in love that many times. The one time it took me several months, was basically the time it took for me to get to know him. So it does make sense in that way. OP is saying she's basically been dating this guy for a year, so she's probably been intimate and everything. At that point, I'm pretty sure one should know. Again, that's only my personal opinion.
Author Shandy Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 It's been 9 months, not a year. But still, I feel at this point I should love him by now. He's been really good to me. I do like him more and more and he's growing on me. But, is it ok to let someone grow on you? I am just afraid that my lack of feelings may signal something wrong with the relationship that I'm not consciously seeing.
movingonandon Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 It's been 9 months, not a year. But still, I feel at this point I should love him by now. He's been really good to me. I do like him more and more and he's growing on me. But, is it ok to let someone grow on you? I am just afraid that my lack of feelings may signal something wrong with the relationship that I'm not consciously seeing. Well, for me that's exactly the attitude about falling in love that i like (for myself, and also from my partner). I would prefer that I gradually get attached - and eventually in love - with somebody, and that they grow attached to me - rather than some crazy whirwhlwind stuff that by definition lacks any substance. Easy come - easy go. Could not be truer for infatuation-based falling in love.
prettybaby Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Well, for me that's exactly the attitude about falling in love that i like (for myself, and also from my partner). I would prefer that I gradually get attached - and eventually in love - with somebody, and that they grow attached to me - rather than some crazy whirwhlwind stuff that by definition lacks any substance. Easy come - easy go. Could not be truer for infatuation-based falling in love. I do think it's possible though to have an instant infatuation, and then grow a deeper kind of love over time. So immediate butterflies aren't necessarily a short term shallow thing. I guess I just wanted to point that out
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I think after a year of dating if your questioning it then that would def be a good indication of not being in love with the person. Everyone's different but you should have an indication if your headed or at least "falling" in that direction, a whole year and not feeling anything close to it? That's weird.
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