gwynieatpain Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Ya I know I've been silly... It's not my nature to hate someone. I don't like it. But I couldn't let go of the fact that my ex-fiance dumped me and told me that he found a new side of his (in someone's arm indeed). We were supposed to marry in Feb next year. He broke up with me in Oct. He's still keeping my stuff. He didn't let me to get them back I just couldn't understand. I knew they were still in his house coz his new gf posted a picture named 'my darling' on facebook with my blanket, my cushions, my cooker, my plates, my chopsticks ... in the picture. He let her having my belongings?! I'm trying to move on. I go on dates and find some great guys who take care of me so well. Thought that I was healed ... but the hate is still there. What should I do?
peacebyinches Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 anger/hate is a step in the process of acceptance. u r making progress believe it or not.
Joker77 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 There are times where I feel tremendous hate for my ex. I don't like that I do, but I think it's just a part of the healing process.
Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 There's a whole pile of resentment there too. Why won't he let you have your stuff back? (would you want it back now, anyways?) It's such a fine line isn't it, between 'Love' and 'Hate'?
MotoMan Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I'm with Geisha, would you want your stuff back? Let it go and move on, you said you've met guys that treat you so much better. This guy may have found the love of his life with someone else, or he may just not be ready for marriage. Either way, he did you a favor. Now you're in a position to find a guy that's on the same wavelength as you. I hated my ex for a time also, but there's still caring there too. Take time for you, and don't be in a hurry to find another relationship so fast, you don't need to be on the rebound, the right guy will be attracted to you when you've gotten rid of your checked baggage (some carry-on is normal Good luck!
Author gwynieatpain Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 Yes I want to let go, completely. I wanted my stuff back at the beginning of the break up. It was his bro's property he was living in he switched his phone off and didn't let me in to pack. I managed to get back part of my books and clothes because his bro helped me out. It was two months ago. He cheated. I go NC since then. Of course I don't want them back now. It disgusted me. The picture ruins my day! I want to forgive and forget and get him out of my mind ... I don't want to disappoint the people who cared for me. I want to stay strong all the time and not looking back.
Taramere Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 He's still keeping my stuff. He didn't let me to get them back I just couldn't understand. I knew they were still in his house coz his new gf posted a picture named 'my darling' on facebook with my blanket, my cushions, my cooker, my plates, my chopsticks ... in the picture. He let her having my belongings?! How does one person try to wind up another into a rage? Not by making them feel powerful, that's for sure. More usually they do it by making them feel powerless. A victim. "I have the upper hand...I'm happy and sorted, you're not etc etc." So for that reason, it's vital that you don't encourage yourself to feel like a victim..because the more you do that, the harder it'll be to let go of the anger. Maybe the best way for you to start feeling better would involve training yourself to reframe everything in your mind, with a view to seeing him as the rather pitiful one. He's deprived you of your property and given them to another female. She might consider him a "darling". That's up to her, but I think in most people's eyes he would be nothing more than a common thief for depriving you of your property. So why is he doing it? Maybe to hurt you, if he's a childish, ridiculous sort of person. Or he might be doing it because he and his new girlfriend don't have the money, taste or originality to furnish the place nicely themselves. Perhaps it's also that he just can't quite let go of you - despite everything - and is hanging onto your stuff because of that. The cushions, pictures, etc....surely they all became very much a part of the relationship you had with him. Wouldn't they all serve as reminders of something you'd be better off putting behind you now? Isn't it better that you leave him and this new woman with those ghosts of the past, than take them with you? Edit. I see everyone else is saying much the same, and that you're already thinking along those lines yourself. Oh, and discipline yourself to stop looking at that facebook picture.
EmperorR Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 your on your way, i hated my ex maybe for 2 months, till i said screw it im not holding onto this anymore, hating her isn't changing the situation it's just eating me up inside then you move onto the next stage.
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