pushforward Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Hi guys, No I will not break NC. Don't want to lose progress. However, I'm just in a good amount of pain right now. I don't know what to do. It's there, I accept it and it sucks. I miss her a great deal, but that's just me missing her. It's like a big craving. I find myself itemizing what I miss about her. Not good, I stop it as best as I can with distractions, but nothing feels right in life. It feels like it will never be okay. She's still haunting me. I just need some words of wisdom. You may think I've heard it all before, but anything said will help me. Thanks, -pf
peacebyinches Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 For what its worth Im in the same boat. I keep replaying the day it happened. I cant make you feel better but I can tell you you're not alone right now.
saturnfell Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 First, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. watch t.v., a movie, etc. It's late so your options are limited. People come into our lives to give us experiences. You're very strong for keeping NC. It's a very difficult thing to do, but you're doing it and I think many people would be proud of you for it. Appreciate the fact that you are being so true to yourself. Your the motivator who will get yourself through this. There absolutely is a light at the end of the tunnel and you absolutely will come out of this. Just know each day will get a little better, even if days pass and you don't feel better, you're healing. One day you will wake up and you will notice the difference. Stay positive. If you find your mind wandering, get up and get a drink of water. Remember who you are and what you're worth. You have a forum of people here to support you. Keep reaching out, when times are tough we'll pick you up!
LostNLonely Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I'm not one to be giving advice, it's been eighteen months since I last heard from the love of my life. She's not coming back and I'm not trying my best to get over her either. I will say this much, you have to have a fatalistic attitude towards love, if it's meant to be than it's meant to be. If she left you and isn't coming back of her own volition, then that's it. It's over. And you will, have to eventually heal. I used to get over a woman by getting ontop of another one. I know this is crude and not very useful when your heart is aching but, if your younger, it might help. Enjoy yourself the best you can and remember, either everything happens for a reason or life is one big random ****pile. In respect to those two differing perspectives, nothing you can do will change the reality of your circumstance. Indulge the pain, cry and let it out. Learn to laugh at yourself and your situation. Make new friends, try some new activities. Maybe write about it like your doing, eventually, either you'll reunite, you'll get over your lost love or you'll recognize the total futility and let go. I'm hoping the latter kicks in soon. No drugs or alcohol will cure your pain, it's hair of the dog time for both of us, time to find someone new!!!
EmperorR Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Hi guys, No I will not break NC. Don't want to lose progress. However, I'm just in a good amount of pain right now. I don't know what to do. It's there, I accept it and it sucks. I miss her a great deal, but that's just me missing her. It's like a big craving. I find myself itemizing what I miss about her. Not good, I stop it as best as I can with distractions, but nothing feels right in life. It feels like it will never be okay. She's still haunting me. I just need some words of wisdom. You may think I've heard it all before, but anything said will help me. Thanks, -pf It's like a addiction it's always hard at first when you first give it up but little by little it get's less and less. Some days I have a big craving to just contact my ex like I don't hate you hope everything is doing good but I won't. Stay strong were all in the same crummy boat, that's the good thing about loveshack were all going through the same thing, your not alone.
Meaplus3 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Well it is tough.. but there will be better days and one day soon those haunting feelings will go away just as fast as they came. Healing takes time.So allow yourself the time to get over the R. If you can keep yourself busy with other things it helps. Hang in there and stick to NC. You can do it. Mea:)
uptown Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Would you like to break NC and take the almost guaranteed chance of being rejected again? To me, being rejected again hurts more than biting the bullet of NC...so I opt for the later.
9Lives Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 maybe you should try to change your thinking. what I FINALLY realize is that ....IT REALLY WASN'T working FOR ME anyway . I did not want to let go but it wasn't working. I wanted it to work but there was things I was missing thhat I needed for myself that I was not getting. see THAT is when letting go got easier. I wasn't happy and I wanted more than he wanted to give me. it wasn't working. love is not fair. you can do everything and that doesn't mean that person will love you back or stay. it is a sad reality that happens everyday. so I don't know what you went thru but obviously it wasn't working and its time to realize that ...accept it....see what you want for the next trip....put a smile on your face....and get on with the business of life. I mended the fence with my ex and I am happy about it and now I work to accept it for what it is.
spupwc Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 don't just go jump on another just too help with the pain. I cud have done that but what will it do, maybe hurt the rebound girl and you'll put yourself at ur ex's level, maybe not but I wudn't do that till I am over her but god knows wen that'l be. I'm f***** up in the head with my haughntings of her and m so sick of this sh**!!! I'm not a terrible person or crazy but I cud just sabotage her life for hurting me so bad.... I woudn't and won't but I need to get outa this torture!!!! It'l get better they say...3mths and counting!! sorry if I'm no help, just had to vent.... hope things work out for u
electriclove Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 maybe you should try to change your thinking. what I FINALLY realize is that ....IT REALLY WASN'T working FOR ME anyway . I did not want to let go but it wasn't working. I wanted it to work but there was things I was missing thhat I needed for myself that I was not getting. see THAT is when letting go got easier. I wasn't happy and I wanted more than he wanted to give me. it wasn't working. love is not fair. you can do everything and that doesn't mean that person will love you back or stay. it is a sad reality that happens everyday. so I don't know what you went thru but obviously it wasn't working and its time to realize that ...accept it....see what you want for the next trip....put a smile on your face....and get on with the business of life. I mended the fence with my ex and I am happy about it and now I work to accept it for what it is. I like your way of looking at things. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in all this pain of missing him that I forget about the reason this all happened in the first place. I wasn't happy with my ex but I was reluctant to let the relationship go. I was selfish and scared that I wouldn't find anyone else. There is no doubt in my mind that I loved him but we weren't heading in the same direction. It got to a point where it felt like hard work and I don't think love should feel that way.
EmperorR Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I like your way of looking at things. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in all this pain of missing him that I forget about the reason this all happened in the first place. I wasn't happy with my ex but I was reluctant to let the relationship go. I was selfish and scared that I wouldn't find anyone else. There is no doubt in my mind that I loved him but we weren't heading in the same direction. It got to a point where it felt like hard work and I don't think love should feel that way. ah I agree I was also there, I was "comfortable"
Just_dealin_with_it Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 maybe you should try to change your thinking. what I FINALLY realize is that ....IT REALLY WASN'T working FOR ME anyway . I did not want to let go but it wasn't working. I wanted it to work but there was things I was missing thhat I needed for myself that I was not getting. see THAT is when letting go got easier. I wasn't happy and I wanted more than he wanted to give me. it wasn't working. love is not fair. you can do everything and that doesn't mean that person will love you back or stay. it is a sad reality that happens everyday. so I don't know what you went thru but obviously it wasn't working and its time to realize that ...accept it....see what you want for the next trip....put a smile on your face....and get on with the business of life. I mended the fence with my ex and I am happy about it and now I work to accept it for what it is. This was pretty much the same for me. Although I stuck it out to the very end, I knew it wasn't right for me anymore, and should have ended it months before. It's hard when you love someone, to let them go. You always feel that things can go back to the good times if you try a little harder or if you/they somehow change. You just have to realize that there is a void in your life, and it takes time to fill that void. In the end acceptance is key. Once you can truly accept the end, you can begin to look forward. Like the old saying goes... when one door closes, another one opens. Try to realize the infinite possibilities that are waiting on the other side.
LEANER1 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You are actually doing the right thing by being here. The more you realize that you can live without her, the stronger you become. Just being here and letting your feelings out, even if it is through typing, will be good therapy for you. Do things that make you happy and will keep you occupied; hobbies, sports, hanging with friends. Good luck bro..........
9Lives Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I mean be honest with yourself.....was this relationship reALLY working for YOU....were you really happy. in the beginning you were but were their things you wanted in that man or woman that you was not getting?.....well guess what...YOU ARE FREE!!!! free to try again to meet someone who will give you the love,respect , that you been wanting or free to get to know yourself again. I had to look at the truth within myself and this man was not giving me what I NEEDED as a woman even tho I loved him. I was dying to my true self to be with someone else. I didn't want to let go but in the end I found out that ...it wasn't really working FOR ME. I couldn't see that because I wanted ti make him happy. it is still weird to me cause my love is still there but more and more I get to see what I need for myself to be happy with someone and I don't want to let go of myself again. another man will come but 9Lives has to know 9Lives and what is really best for her too. so look at you and your lifestyle. the way you see your future ....was it really working FOR you.
9Lives Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 This was pretty much the same for me. Although I stuck it out to the very end, I knew it wasn't right for me anymore, and should have ended it months before. It's hard when you love someone, to let them go. You always feel that things can go back to the good times if you try a little harder or if you/they somehow change. You just have to realize that there is a void in your life, and it takes time to fill that void. In the end acceptance is key. Once you can truly accept the end, you can begin to look forward. Like the old saying goes... when one door closes, another one opens. Try to realize the infinite possibilities that are waiting on the other side. I like you should have ended this thing last jan 2008. he did somethng then that was shady and painful. I just kept tryin to make it work. (sigh)....I am hoping that as I continue to write you guys it helps me to see how sick I was and how I really wasn't treating myself right. you don't let people do you any kind of way. it is damaging and it can destroy you.
replicator Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I can empathize with you. The past week has been agonizing. First Christmas and New Years without her in over ten years. So painful, I want to reach out to her, but I know that has the potential to send me on a very dark spiral down. Out of the blue tonight, just heard a song that reminded me of her and I broke down and cried. I had a knot in my chest all week that I couldn't seem to shake but finally it subsided. I'm not embarrassed to say that I needed a good cry to get it out of my system. As the others say, it's a growing experience. You're forced to grow beyond who you are now, and become a stronger person. If you have to, let out some tears in private. Just accept the thoughts as they come to you, and let it be. Happy holidays.
bhweller Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 i got dumped but only after i confronted her about her selfish and distant attitude. i did that because there was a gap between what i expected from her emotionally and what i was receiving. so yes, basically i was not getting what i wanted from her. However, her confirming my negative thoughts hurt me a great deal. she was just using me as a security blanket and a couple free meals per week.
Ash. Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I feel for you about the no contact. I was a train wreck. For a month after the initial breakup we would still be in contact. It was horrendous, me pleading, he growing farther and farther away. Treating me horribly. I did anything and everything. One particular day something inside me completely snapped after I finally saw my ex just didn`t care anymore. The person I fell in love with was gone. Here I am after two months no contact. It still hurts, some days more than others. This is what I did to get me to this point: 1. I made myself a deal. I said, "If after two months no contact I still feel as badly as I do now, I will call him. But only after a full two months." 2. I marked a calendar with "One week, two weeks, etc..." so I could see my progress. 3. I deleted my Myspace. Blocked him on Facebook. Not saying you have to go that far, but please delete this person from any social networking sites. I slipped twice during the last two months by checking his Myspace. HORRIBLE MISTAKE. You cannot handle how they`re doing, who they`re seeing. So do not put yourself through this. After I found myself hysterical after I saw my ex with the other girl, I decided that was enough. 4. Talk it out. Write. I don`t have many close friends. So whenever I wanted to contact him I talked to my Grandma. And to give her a break, I found this site. Everytime I feel low, I come here, and I read about all these people in the same boat. I find inspiration in these people to keep trying, and to regain my self worth, little by little. Three months since we broke up and two months cold turkey no contact, I am still here. I remembered the deal I made with myself, and do I want to call him? No. No. No. Why? Because he, and your ex, just don`t fu*king deserve the gratification. Keep fighting.
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