LexD Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Been with a girl for a year and a half. She was the first girl ive dated that i instantly "clicked" with, we could yammer away for hours, goof around etc. We are the same age, but ive been independent from my parents since I was 18 (now 22, met her shortly after my 21st) and have a full time job while she was (still is) a uni student who lives with her parents, and hasn't had a lot of experience with guys- the experience she has had was all bad. We always had low points towards the end of the semester when she had exams, and more recently writing her dissertation. We had a short breakup halfway through the year, which was admittedly my fault- I was pretty terrible to her, pressured her for her time. looking back i couldnt believe what an ******* i was. when we got back together that was one thing i vowed to change. At the end of this year, she was writing her dissertation. we were both highly stressed. (I was also starting a business at the same time and pushed her to give some support) but i managed to keep it in check- i would occasionally drop her off some food at the lab, tell her to wake me if she needed a lift home at night (she would usually stay at the lab til gone midnight). The day she finished writing it and handed it in we had a fight. she had gone out with her friends and not invited me- i felt that after all i had done for her, that was the least she should do. she accused me of suffocating her, and said we needed to talk. Ill spare the details but over the next couple of weeks we talked about whether we should stay together or not. everything in her and in my head said no. she was young and inexperienced- she is a naval reserve and would like to go out to sea for a while, she hasnt dated many guys, she wants to travel, maybe go to australia to do her masters. One thing that kept cropping up was that I knew exactly how to treat her and how much she had grown being with me, but she didn't know if it was what she wants. in the end, we decided to end it, although it was more her idea than mine- having been with a lot more women, and knowing a lot more about the world than her, i felt i was losing something that was truly special, even if it needed a bit of work. at the same time though i knew if i had convinced her to stay, those doubts in her mind would always be there. one thing that did hurt me was when she started seeing another guy, quite quickly- knowing her, i know she would have done it as an effort to get over it (when we had a brief break earlier she had tried to set me up with someone in a backfired attempt to get over it- she didnt count on how seeing me with someone would make her feel). the guy turned out to be a total *******, and because she didnt put out in the first week he admitted to her that he cheated on her. the day it happened we met up and had a chat, and she was despondent about everything, although i didnt know this had happened (or that she had even been seeing someone, until she told me they broke up) until she txt me later on that night to tell me she had broken up with him. the next day, she said she had talked to him and even though she felt it was a bad move they had agreed to try again, with him saying he wouldnt do it again (yeah right) After i talked to her then, i decided i needed more time- that she had started dating someone hurt me more than i thought. we had one last chat, where we agreed i would contact her in a couple of months when i was ready. apart from wishing her a merry xmas, and her wishing me the same, we havent spoken for the last 3 weeks and wont (with the possibility of a happy NY txt) until someway through february, when she gets back from a 5 week training course at the naval base. If she asked me back now theres not a hope in hell i would say yes, and i have no plans on asking her again. the thing is though that apart from how young she (and I for that matter) are, we were an excellent match. to me she was perfect because of her flaws. some times i had with her are the kind of things you just wouldnt have with another girl- i remember her making me dress her one time, and it took over an hour because she kept squirming and squealing and trying to kick me. she always made me check under the bed for snakes, and on one fairly memorable night after a couple of absinthe shots we literally hopped from bar to bar (that is REALLY tiring btw) with everyone staring at us. she is absolutely bonkers. i was afraid i would get tired of that but over time it just made me appreciate how different she was from 99% of other girls out there. What bothers me, i guess, is the question of what if we had met say 3 or 4 years into the future. i dont plan on losing contact with her. while i wouldnt take her back now because i know she isnt mature enough- perhaps there could be hope for that in the future at some stage. not that i would wait around for her (in fact im already dating someone else) but it is a thought. i know a few situations where this has happened, a friend of mine broke up with her bf and then 4 years later bumped into him walking down the road- they are now engaged.
saturnfell Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Yes, people get together in the future. Time has a way of bringing people back together. One thing I would advise, let time pave the path for you. Wondering what will happen in 3 or 4 years won't help you, and quite honestly it would be speculation if someone were to tell you yes or no. The only way to tell is to wait it out. If you are meant to be with someone, you will be with them. You know this from your own example. All you can do it wait. You could date 1 or 7 more people within this time and one of them could be "the one" or you could date them and still miss what you had with your ex. You won't know until you know. Trust me, the universe aligns itself to pave your path. If you the two of your are connected, you'll stay connected until the time is right for the two of you.
Author LexD Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 yeah i get what youre saying. she will always have a special place in my heart i think, because she was the first girl i fell for. whether it turns into something romantic later on, like i said, im not going to wait around and see. would be nice though
saturnfell Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I'm going through your scenario currently. My ex and I broke up 3 years ago. Total NC (on my part at least) He had contacted me throughout the 3 years, but I never responded. We recently connected and saw one another. It was the strangest feeling. Time usually heals, as it did me. However, there are still feelings which I thought had completed dissipated. I always though (3 years ago) this was the guy for me and how I'd love another chance, but here I am... confused, not knowing. My point is, I was where you are right now (only I didn't move on so easily so soon... however, I don't think I ever really opened my heart since him) Anyway... life throws so many twists in we can barely keep up. Sometimes I don't know how people are expected to deal with the unexpected. Sometimes it takes awhile for people to realize where they are supposed to be.
Author LexD Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I'm going through your scenario currently. My ex and I broke up 3 years ago. Total NC (on my part at least) He had contacted me throughout the 3 years, but I never responded. We recently connected and saw one another. It was the strangest feeling. Time usually heals, as it did me. However, there are still feelings which I thought had completed dissipated. I always though (3 years ago) this was the guy for me and how I'd love another chance, but here I am... confused, not knowing. My point is, I was where you are right now (only I didn't move on so easily so soon... however, I don't think I ever really opened my heart since him) Anyway... life throws so many twists in we can barely keep up. Sometimes I don't know how people are expected to deal with the unexpected. Sometimes it takes awhile for people to realize where they are supposed to be. What gets me the most is that im mature enough and have been with enough people to know something special when it comes along... she hasn't and she won't know until later on. went on holiday over the new year with some friends, beach sun and surf... it was great to have fun with people who aren't her, really helped me along i think. i wouldnt say i got over her quickly.. but im not the sort who sits around moping. what i have now is not what i had with her, but tis something and that will do for now.
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