Kelso Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Hey everyone - I am in a situation in my life where all my friends are in relationships and some of them have kids or are expecting. I'm 25 years old and I have only once been in a serious relationship that lasted about 1,5 years. That ended 2 years ago. I was pretty heartbroken after the breakup and after that I don't seem to be able to let anybody get close to me. If we go back 5 years, I used to be fat. Not chubby - fat. I weighted about 260 lbs. That was when my friends were partying every weekend and having random sex. I always went home early, of course alone because nobody wanted the fat guy. Those years completely ruined my self esteem. I decided to get a grip and today I weight abour 170-180 lbs. So now I am doing exactly what my friends were doing few years back...and I'm sick of it. Last night I went out with my friends. We had few beers and around 2am most of them went home. I decided to do what I usually do, meet my friends from school, find a girl, flirt a little and then take her home.. When I was wandering between pubs all alone in the middle of the night I sat down and started thinking "what the hell am I doing". Got sick of myself and went straight home. Today I have been thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that I can't let anyone close to me. Last summer I met a wonderful girl. We met at an exchange program organized by my school. We spent a lot of time together and her friend kept telling me that she was talking about me constantly when I wasn't with them. That gave me ego and I did what I normally do ... I did nothing. I let her do all the chasing but didn't give anything back ... that's what I always do! I hate it. I just don't know why I do this. This was a girl that most guys dream of ... beautiful, intelligent, well educated, funny and sarcastic. I didn't do anything! To end this, I can tell you a story that describes me best. A group of my friends were talking together few weeks back. I wasn't there when they started the convo but I heard the rest of what they were talking about and they said: "... and he keeps making girls chase himself and then with his actions, tells them to **** off" I laughed and asked them ... "who is this stupid guy??" And they all got serious and bursted into laugh seconds later and said "YOU!" I hated myself that day. How can I change?? I can imagine that my description of myself makes many of you think that I'm a total douch ... but I really want to change that. I just don't know how!
saturnfell Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I'm guessing, but since you're making up for lost time, would I be correct to say that the attention you're getting is building up what you didn't think you had when your friends were all partying? I believe if you felt as badly as you say you did, that's probably the reason why you allow people to chase you and do nothing in return. Maybe you're a bit afraid as well? That would make sense. Are you viewing your situation as making up for lost time? I would like to say, just because your friends may be settled, doesn't mean you need to be. Don't feel pressured. This girl you spoke of during the exchange program, it's possible the timing wasn't right. Was this someone you could have built a relationship with or is she far from you?
Author Kelso Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Thank you for you input I wouldn't say that I'm making up for lost time ... at least not anymore. Of course it sucked being the fat guy, but I've got nobody to blame but me. To begin with it felt like I was making up for lost time, but as time has passed I hardly can say that is the case today. Usually when I wake up with some girl next to me I fell disgusted with myself, and that is definitely not the point of it all. I know that it's maybe not time for me to settle down yet, but however I'm so bored during the evenings sometimes. Of course my friends spend most of their time with their gf's and children - and at the same time I'm sitting at home trying to find something to do ... which always leads to me sitting with remote friends at a bar drinking beer. I'm seriously started to worry about how much I drink and I think that it might be time to cool a little bit down. The years I was in a relationship was probably the best part of my life and I would really like to relive something like that again. (nb. I am completely over that girl ). I just don't know why I do this... The girl that I met last summer lives pretty far away. Takes around 7-8 hours to get there with car and there is no direct flights between... It really sucks because that is the only girl I've had any feelings for since I broke up with my ex.
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