The Gypsy Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 So a little background on us is that We've been dating solid for a year. 1 year on new years t be exact. Everything is completely cool. We spend 6 nights a week together If not all of them at each others house. We both have full time jobs and are totally cool with giving each other space. I don't care if she goes out with just the girls and she doesn't care if i go out with the boys. We realize from past relationships that there has to be the trust and the alone time in order to make it work. We have never gotten into fight with in the entire year we have been dating. So i head home for the holidays and she stays back here to be with her family. I'm gone a total of 11 days. I call and text each and everyday just to tell her i miss her and that i cant wait to see her. The first couple days are cool... Then no reply on the texts and no call back. When she does it is a couple hours later or i call back during the evening just to talk to her. I don't think much of it at first being that her family is in town and she is probably wrapped up. So last night i head down to the store to get the few last things i need to finish up here birthday present (wrapping paper and some cupcake cups) and am driving home. Im leaving the next day to go home and see her. She calls and basically says that she isn't sure if what we have is "it" We talk a bit and then figure we will talk about it in person when i get back in town the next morning (today). she picks me up from the airport, drives me home and we continue start to talk. She says that she cares about me a ton. Is totally still attracted to me and loves my company but is afraid that what we have isn't "it". NO fights, no problems and then bam this just hits. Basically i just want some help. I'm supposed to go out with her tonight for her birthday party with our couple friends but am not going now after basically being dumped. I'm so confused. I really felt like this was something and she obviously felt different. But here timing was impeccable. The entire time we're "breaking up" we're lauging, kissing and making jokes with each other. THis is the hardest thing. She says everything is perfect but maybe we aren't meant to be. I know in the past she has had 2 other relationships where her boyfriends were verbally abusive and very hateful to her that she left. Do you think she has cold feet and is getting scared about the 1 year mark. Or this test run of the relationship is just over and she really doesn't think we are meant to be. It's just hard going from everyday together, leaving for 11 days and then coming back to no relationship. What do you think? Any help and opinions would be great. Thanks, The gypsy!
luverly Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 It seems really odd. There has to be more to it than what she's telling you or maybe she really is subconciously scared of being hurt again. Either way what a crappy way to treat someone.
RnRigney22 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 So a little background on us is that We've been dating solid for a year. 1 year on new years t be exact. Everything is completely cool. We spend 6 nights a week together If not all of them at each others house. We both have full time jobs and are totally cool with giving each other space. I don't care if she goes out with just the girls and she doesn't care if i go out with the boys. We realize from past relationships that there has to be the trust and the alone time in order to make it work. We have never gotten into fight with in the entire year we have been dating. ! Hey Gypsy, Sounds like she may be confused about the relationship and what she wants. Found this interesting... When girls say they’re “OK” or that things are “fine” the opposite is probably true. Girls are communicators. It is hardwired in to our psyches to talk and talk and talk some more whenever there is discord or conflict. So if you sense there’s a problem and gather the courage to ask us and we respond with a “fine” or “it’s ok” or some other sentence with less than 7 (short) words chances are good that we really want to talk. So, you think, what’s a guy to do? You ask a question, you get an answer, and you plan based on that answer. Who wants to read between the lines or guess what is really going on? What a waste of time, right? Wrong! When girls pull the short answers out during a conversation it is because we want you to put the effort in to getting us to open up. It comes from a place of feeling like you don’t usually care what we have to say so we want you to put some effort in to getting us to talk so we can be sure we will be listened to. Now those perceptive guys among you may have your hands up right now waiting to ask the obvious question… if a girl feels like she’s not usually heard isn’t that the REAL problem? Yes, yes it is, and one little talk won’t stop that feeling of being marginalized. In psychology we call this a learned response, a behavior that does not come naturally but rather has been developed through a process called social conditioning. You may very well be the most attentive boyfriend since the dawn of time but if her previous guys made her feel insignificant or unheard you’ll have to help her carry that baggage. Heck, you’ll have to help her unpack it and put it away! So when your girl replies with a curt little answer to your questions don’t take her at face value. Calmly and gently ask her a few more times. Once she feels like you will hear her nature will take over and, voila! You’ll be communicating. Hope this helps Gypsy -Ryan
saturnfell Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Well, I'm just as confused as you are. If the relationship truly was how you are presenting it, then I don't see a reason for her actions. The only thing is maybe she was afraid or wasn't truly happy. These are both assumptions since the relationship seemed to be working. Her saying everything is ok could really go either way. I think it depends on the context of the conversation. Have you seen her since?
Author The Gypsy Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 SO yeah I havent seen her since. Everything I spoke about went down yesterday. And last night was her birthday party for her birthday today. We were planning on oing downtown with a bunch of friends (couples) and having a good time. I was going t go but after the way things went i thought that it might be awkward if I went along. So i stayed home for the night and hung out with some friends.... I was stupid though. After numerous drinks, I sent a couple of texts to her in saying that I hope she was having a good night. I'm an idiot. I know that I shouldn't have said anything but i care about this girl so much. Now i feel like an idiot. oh well... No calling from me for sure.. The Gypsy
malibustacydoll Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Being a confusing girl myself I have two ideas of what could be going on. The first is that a lot of girls do like drama. Maybe things were just going too smoothly. She was getting into a niche and starting to get bored. She figured she may spice things up and make you realize she may not always be there.Maybe she wants you to really show her you love her and do something special. Maybe she wants that movie magic. She may be at the part in the relationship where things are no longer all that exciting but more comfortable. The other idea is that she has met someone else or her friends are telling her to. Maybe while you were gone she started to talk to someone or met someone. I really don't know. I almost feel like it is the first and she was just feeling way too comfortable and is hoping you spice it up or do something to make it more like it was in the beginning...
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