LostNLonely Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I had a brief relationship with a woman I deeply love, admire and respect. We had been making plans to share our future together when she abruptly ended all communication with me. She was suffering for the past twenty years from an undiagnosed illness and despite it all, she had always been optimistic and hopeful. Our relationship was relatively new, we had established feelings for each other, when her health suddenly declined and she lost all hope for any recovery. She sent me an email apologizing for "bringing me down" and expressed her regret for cultivating the relationship with me. Of course, she hadn't brought me down and needn't have apologized for anything. I have respected her decision to leave, her excuse for doing so was that she needed some time to realign spiritually through meditation, yoga, etc. and that in order to do so, she needed to find some place remote and secluded. That was eighteen months ago. I have respected her privacy and have not attempted to either locate or contact her, even though I believe I could do both, rather easily. I can accept that she probably didn't care for me as much as I cared for her, love often happens that way. Although, shortly before she left me, at a time when she probably knew she would leave me, she made a gift of several poems she had written and posted them on a journal commemorating her love for me. I have been through the grieving process and then some. I have cycled through the emotional spectrum of grief, sadness, anger and forgiveness but I still love her when all is said and done. I suspect if she still loved me she would have reached out to me by now. I am even willing to forgive and understand why I was not given an opportunity to say goodbye and have some closure (because I likely would have pleaded with her not to leave). I guess the question I have for prospective responders, who I hope will be mostly women (for their insight) is should I leave her be? I know if I went looking I could probably find her, and in leui of looking for her, I have a letter I have written but not sent yet, which declares my acceptance of the present outcome, albeit, a very long over-due acceptance. I'd rather not admit that I accept her decision while I still love her and want to be with her. The letter states that I will choose to move on without her in my life. Even though it isn't true, my feeling is that there is no point in making this outcome anymore bittersweet than it already is for both of us. I believe if she loved me and cared for she would have reached out to me by now...am I wrong?
californiadreaming Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I had a brief relationship with a woman I deeply love, admire and respect. We had been making plans to share our future together when she abruptly ended all communication with me. She was suffering for the past twenty years from an undiagnosed illness and despite it all, she had always been optimistic and hopeful. Our relationship was relatively new, we had established feelings for each other, when her health suddenly declined and she lost all hope for any recovery. She sent me an email apologizing for "bringing me down" and expressed her regret for cultivating the relationship with me. Of course, she hadn't brought me down and needn't have apologized for anything. I have respected her decision to leave, her excuse for doing so was that she needed some time to realign spiritually through meditation, yoga, etc. and that in order to do so, she needed to find some place remote and secluded. That was eighteen months ago. I have respected her privacy and have not attempted to either locate or contact her, even though I believe I could do both, rather easily. I can accept that she probably didn't care for me as much as I cared for her, love often happens that way. Although, shortly before she left me, at a time when she probably knew she would leave me, she made a gift of several poems she had written and posted them on a journal commemorating her love for me. I have been through the grieving process and then some. I have cycled through the emotional spectrum of grief, sadness, anger and forgiveness but I still love her when all is said and done. I suspect if she still loved me she would have reached out to me by now. I am even willing to forgive and understand why I was not given an opportunity to say goodbye and have some closure (because I likely would have pleaded with her not to leave). I guess the question I have for prospective responders, who I hope will be mostly women (for their insight) is should I leave her be? I know if I went looking I could probably find her, and in leui of looking for her, I have a letter I have written but not sent yet, which declares my acceptance of the present outcome, albeit, a very long over-due acceptance. I'd rather not admit that I accept her decision while I still love her and want to be with her. The letter states that I will choose to move on without her in my life. Even though it isn't true, my feeling is that there is no point in making this outcome anymore bittersweet than it already is for both of us. I believe if she loved me and cared for she would have reached out to me by now...am I wrong? "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
confused_2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I personally think the letter would be inappropriate. If it's been 18 months, she probably believes you've accepted the outcome. Be honest with yourself... do you want the letter to stir some reaction from her? Because that's really all it would accomplish at this point, and you probably know that deep down.
MotoMan Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I think you're over thinking this, and the acceptance part of your letter is melodramatic. If you still want this woman, write her a letter and ask her how she's doing, share how you feel, and see what happens... Either way, you're going to get your answer. The question is... are you ready for it?
Author LostNLonely Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 I understand what your saying, and I know how this looks, and yes, I can't say I would be disappointed if this letter were to stir something up. She is and has always been a very stubborn woman, part of her appeal to me is that she's a pretty tough cookie. I like strong, independent women. The fact is that I also feel as though it might help her conscience if I were to tell her that I have not been ruined by her choice and that in spite of my insistence that I could not live without her, I've found that I can and will and accept the outcome. Part of the reason she split was that she felt as though I deserved a happy ending and wasn't going to get to have one with her on account of her illness. I thought perhaps she should know that losing her, as has already happened, isn't going to leave me so devastated that I can't move on. While I feel as though I'll never meet another woman quite like her, or one I will ever love again. I do believe, since I have been dating, albeit, infrequently, I will enjoy female companionship, although it will never be as exquisite as hers. I just think it could be something of value to her if she were to know that I do not harbor any ill will or that I did not fall to pieces and that I know she had only the best of intentions for me. I know it reads like a love letter, but the letter could do her some good, she would at least know that I do still care about her and that we are still apart today only because it is her choice and not mine. I know...but what can one do when one is in love? I continue to love her and probably always will...I don't think that is altogether a bad thing...
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