gonks go beat Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I have a very good female friend, who i have known for about 8 years. She is a lovely person and we're really close but when it comes to relationships she is a real screw-up. When I first met her she had a long-term boyfriend and a stable if dull relationship. They then split up and she declared she was a lesbian and immediately started a relationship with a woman who had a girlfriend and really messed her around for about a year. They split up and became a virtual recluse for a while. Then she met another woman who also had a girlfriend. This relationship had a rocky start but the woman did leave her girlfriend for my friend. They had a relationship for 3 years but it was very up and down and they split up once, reconciled briefly and then split up again permanently ( and unpleasantly) a few weeks ago. My friend has now decided she's straight again, and is seeing a married man she met through work. He says he's in love with her and she claims not to have any expectations of him. I think she's just heading for yet another disaster. What should I do, if anything? I feel upset about seeing her foul up yet again but I don't know if she will listen to anything I might say.
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 She obviously has some issues if she only goes after people who are already in relationships or married. I don't think there's anything that you can do to help her. She's on a path of self-destruction and only she can change that once she realizes she's only interested in unhealthy relationships. You can point that out to her and suggest she seek some therapy, but you can't make her change.
bozwa Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Well, I guess you can't say she's afraid of a challenge. Your friend has some real intimacy/committment issues. She doesn't have to fully commit to someone who is already committed to someone else. She also appears to have some real self esteem issues as well...as it seems she almost needs to treated like crap by her "partner". All you can do, as her friend, is be there and offer advice. There's nothing more you can do as it is up to her to make her life choices, good or bad. Maybe suggest a good counselor? She definitely needs to get to the bottom of why she makes the choices she does.
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