Nikki Sahagin Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Okayyyyyyyyyyy here it goes. I have self-diagnosed myself...yes I know that's dangerous but over the years I think safe to say relatively accurate, myself with either depression or some sort of severe PMS and also anxiety. I've had the anxiety since I was about 4/5 when I used to not be able to eat through fear of going to school, have nightmares, refuse to go outside, bite my nails, hide food and partake in many other OCD type behaviours. In my teens it manifested as panic attacks and agrophobia. The depression or severe PMS manifests more as a constant feeling of hostility, sadness, low self-worth and insecurity. I seem to volly between extreme narcissicm and overwhelming self-loathing, one minute feeling so self-confident and better than anybody and the next feeling completely incompetent and jealous. My emotions and thoughts are pretty much like a rollercoaster and sometimes I just have to step back and switch off before I feel like i'm going insane. This has been hard enough to juggle with on my own but in a relationship it's harder. This volley between feeling too good and then feeling too bad sometimes makes me feel I deserve more than him and other times leaves me feeling he deserves more than me. I find it hard to express or articulate the crazy chaos i'm feeling because it really seems to just come from nothing. Any time I start to speak, before I can say anything, the emotion just pours out and I burst our crying. My boyfriend is far more bubbly, entheasiastic and happy go lucky. I used to be because obviously I kept this side of me more to myself but as we have become more and more engrained in each others life's it's become more and more difficult to the point where I am pretty much stuck with this feeling of anxiety/sadness near enough every day. Does anyone here struggle with some sort of mental health problem and their relationship? How do you cope? How do they cope? Any help would be much appreciated!
Adri Ana Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 How many relationships did you have ? Did you feel in all of them same way if you had some ,more than one?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 This is my first serious relationship. I've felt like this outside of the relationship but I think it becomes harder to deal with within a relationship.
motive2002 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 If you're really having trouble with this, I would suggest seeing a counselor, or licensed therapist. Getting help from someone doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Everyone could use a little guidance sometimes. You aren't the only one that deals with this sort of thing and there is help available. Take care.
gd26 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I also agree that you should see someone, a counselor or therapist, who can help you with this. It is no fun to feel bad... and you should get support to make you feel good again. As far as the relationship goes, getting therapy can be one thing that can save your relationship... as anxiety and depression can kill it. There is going to be a point where he won't be willing to deal with it anymore. From my own experience, I recently met a great guy who I really liked... but I let my anxiety get in the way of the developing relationship, and he left me. It was very painful to me, as I was really into this guy. Looking back, if I had the chance to do things all over, I certainly would have been much more careful about not turning into an emotional basketcase with him. So please get help now before all your crying spells and emotional outbreaks destroy what you have with this man. You both deserve happiness.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 That's the thing though - i've tried both ways. Sometimes I can't help it and all the emotion pours out. He is usually supportive. Sometimes I keep it in and away from him but this just makes me feel worse and worse. I try to save it for when i'm alone but that's no way to live. I really want to just know - why do I feel like this? Is this even normal?
Surfer Dude Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Just stop acting the way you're acting, if those things bother you and you are self aware enough to notice it. What's the problem?
gd26 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Don't dump everything on him. He might be supportive, but at some point, he will run out of patience and not be able to handle any more. Even if he is a great boyfriend, we all have our limits... At the same time, you keeping things in isn't good for you either. That's why it's best to balance things out by talking to a therapist, your family, friends etc.
PinkToes Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Nikki, I agree with the other posters who suggest talking to someone, a counselor of some sort. You may very well be right about what's going on for you, but all we really know for sure is that you are experiencing symptoms of something. If you had physical symptoms, you'd probably see a doctor to find out what was going on and what to do about it. It seems like your mental/emotional issues would benefit from the same expertise. Good luck!
Peter_pan Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 hey yeh i have/had still have ocd to some level. i felt exactly like u in the relationship its weird ! i can probably say its what destroyed us on the whole. to late now. i can only better myself and not make the same mistake twice she and i are over, she has been with someone a year now. i guess the only thing you can do is see a therapist. im still debating wether to or not. i to also have had it since about 13 years old but never knew it was anything. runs in my family
lonelygurl Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Get some professional help and look at possibly getting some medications. I would also recommend if this is a serious relationship that you get some type of couples counseling. He will eventually get to a breaking point and may leave. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I am in counseling/therapy on a regular basis. I am working towards getting better and my X still dumped me. Told me I need to keep working on my depression. Said he wished he was a stronger person. I get the impression he thinks we may be back together one day, but who knows. Depression and anxiety are not to be dealt with on their own. They are very real disorders/diseases that need to be managed. So just trying to will or think them away will not work. Good luck!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Just stop acting the way you're acting, if those things bother you and you are self aware enough to notice it. What's the problem? Because having self-awareness doesn't mean you understand the how's, why's, what's, when's anymore than someone without self-awareness. I can describe how I feel but not always why and after all these years I still have no idea how to deal with it.
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