saturnfell Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I recently posted about someone who has come back into my life after years of being vacant. During this past week, I have done a lot of thinking and wondering. I was in the mindset that I would like to see him again and take things slow... until now. I have been crying at random intervals. I have been thinking about our past and all the pain you inflicted on me. Here's what I'm thinking: *I'm angry you have wanted to make a damn cameo in my life! I'm fine, I'm better without you and I'm not in a place to be screwed by you again! *I was 22 years old then, and pregnant. I remember how you would put your hand on me and talk to the baby and say "can't you come back later" You said a child would RUIN our relationship. I hate you for not caring about me. You have no idea the GRUELING PAIN you put me through. Do you have any idea what it's like to walk through life knowing the loss I have?! You f***! *There was a time when your words meant something to me, but now, no matter what you've said to me, I still don't trust you. I feel like you should be knocking my door down with apologies and sincerity. *You wanted to talk about things, but I didn't. Well, you know... I think I do. I think I want you to know you can't F*** with people and their lives, emotions and well being! I have so much I want to say to you. I can put together a nice outline for you so we can hit the key points if that would make it easier for you, but I don't care about it being F****** easier for you. You abandoned me. *I'm glad you've been thinking about me all these years, you deserve to. Have you realized all your screw ups and actually feel a bit guilty? Well, you can carry that guilt on your shoulders for the rest of your damn life because that's how it should be! You got yours! *I was good to you, good for you. You lost me, and you don't deserve to be allowed back into my life. You would need to apologize to my entire family for the turmoil you caused. You have outlined the past 3 years of my life. Everything I have done has been a direct result of you. *I'm supposed to go out with your friend tonight, and I don't want to take your pathetic self out on him. *The past is the past, but as much as I thought I had forgiven you, I didn't and I don't think I can. I'm not sorry for that either. I'm putting you on a time line, I sacrificed a lot for you, and I deserve to heal and be shown it won't happen again. You're not this fabulous man that people fall over. You're a self absorbed man with the mentality of a boy. Do I care for you? Yes. Do I enjoy your company? Yes. Am I scared to death? Absolutely. Could I fall in love with you again? I'm not sure I ever fell out of love with you (as hard as that is for me to say) I didn't think I had feelings for you anymore, but to my surprise, I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. I just know if you hurt me again, I don't know what I'll do. I'm not a trophy.
LikeCharlotte Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 *I was good to you, good for you. You lost me, and you don't deserve to be allowed back into my life.* *The past is the past, but as much as I thought I had forgiven you, I didn't and I don't think I can. I'm not sorry for that either. I sacrificed a lot for you, and I deserve to heal and be shown it won't happen again. You know that this is hurting you and that it will again. Satun, don't continue this. Don't let this pain back into your life. You can and will do better. You know all you need to know. You posted it right here. Be strong.
Adri Ana Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Here's what I'm thinking: *I'm angry you have wanted to make a damn cameo in my life! I'm fine, I'm better without you and I'm not in a place to be screwed by you again! *I was 22 years old then, and pregnant. I remember how you would put your hand on me and talk to the baby and say "can't you come back later" You said a child would RUIN our relationship. I hate you for not caring about me. You have no idea the GRUELING PAIN you put me through. Do you have any idea what it's like to walk through life knowing the loss I have?! You f***! *There was a time when your words meant something to me, but now, no matter what you've said to me, I still don't trust you. I feel like you should be knocking my door down with apologies and sincerity. *You wanted to talk about things, but I didn't. Well, you know... I think I do. I think I want you to know you can't F*** with people and their lives, emotions and well being! I have so much I want to say to you. I can put together a nice outline for you so we can hit the key points if that would make it easier for you, but I don't care about it being F****** easier for you. You abandoned me. *I'm glad you've been thinking about me all these years, you deserve to. Have you realized all your screw ups and actually feel a bit guilty? Well, you can carry that guilt on your shoulders for the rest of your damn life because that's how it should be! You got yours! *I was good to you, good for you. You lost me, and you don't deserve to be allowed back into my life. You would need to apologize to my entire family for the turmoil you caused. You have outlined the past 3 years of my life. Everything I have done has been a direct result of you. *I'm supposed to go out with your friend tonight, and I don't want to take your pathetic self out on him. *The past is the past, but as much as I thought I had forgiven you, I didn't and I don't think I can. I'm not sorry for that either. ***You are still thinking . You are still sensitive. You are still open to get wounded . Do not let it happen . The past is passed as it`s past. Do not ever dig it until you are cool with your past .
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