please advise Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Hi, This is going to be a bit long I am sorry! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and everything is great when he is in a good mood but when he gets in a bad mood he turns everything on me and makes me feel horrible. He is very controlling sometimes, like if I go out to dinner with my co-workers he calls about 10 times in 2 hours and gets mad if I am unable to answer him. He loves to accuse me of cheating and tells me I am wrong about a lot of things, not very supportive. If I talk to him about his behavior he will be nice for a few days but then he goes right back the minute something goes the slightest bit wrong or if I ignore his phone call. I dont know if I should end it with him or if I should try and work this out. Everyone around me is getting married lately (I am only 21 though) and it is a lot of pressure and being single is looked down upon. Please help! Also, a boy I work with at work..I have developed a strong passion for mainly because of how nice he is to me. I would like to pursue him but I am still in a relationship, if I break up with my bf and pursue him would he reject me because he knows I am fresh out of a relationship and we work together? I feel like he may be interested in me....
Citizen Erased Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Hi, This is going to be a bit long I am sorry! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and everything is great when he is in a good mood but when he gets in a bad mood he turns everything on me and makes me feel horrible. He is very controlling sometimes, like if I go out to dinner with my co-workers he calls about 10 times in 2 hours and gets mad if I am unable to answer him. He loves to accuse me of cheating and tells me I am wrong about a lot of things, not very supportive. If I talk to him about his behavior he will be nice for a few days but then he goes right back the minute something goes the slightest bit wrong or if I ignore his phone call. I dont know if I should end it with him or if I should try and work this out. Everyone around me is getting married lately (I am only 21 though) and it is a lot of pressure and being single is looked down upon. Please help! And that is where it should have ended. But of course, the inevitable but... Also, a boy I work with at work..I have developed a strong passion for mainly because of how nice he is to me. I would like to pursue him but I am still in a relationship, if I break up with my bf and pursue him would he reject me because he knows I am fresh out of a relationship and we work together? I feel like he may be interested in me.... *sighs* Why is it that so many of these threads come along with a "but there is this other person that I have a sort of crush on that treats me so well but should I break up with my bf?" clause? I feel kind of ripped off after reading the beginning of the OP. Your bf is jealous, break up with him and be with the guy he is rightfully jealous over. Easy. Will you do it? Probably not.
Ross PK Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Your boyfriend sounds very toxic. Obviously if he carries on this way there can't really be any future for the relationship, and I'm sure he will always be like this, unless you do something then maybe he wont. I just think you need to tell him straight that you wont put up with it, and if he is like that again you will leave him and not give him another chance.
Citizen Erased Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Oh I should add that staying with your boyfriend because you are unsure if that other situation will end up as a relationship is not on. If there is someone in your life that you frequently consider leaving your current relationship for, chances are that relationship is over.
Author please advise Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 thank you guys for your advice! You are right the relationship is pretty much over if I am considering another guy ...I guess the only thing holding me back is that I may regret it one day
Ross PK Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I'm not sure if you could ever regret getting out of that kind of a relationship, after you've got over the break up. Sure it'll hurt at first, but the long term gain is worth the short term pain.
Author please advise Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Do you guys think that this kid I do have a "thing" for would even be interested knowing my situation and having to work with me?
Geishawhelk Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 You know that open/shut feature under your nose? Use it and ask him.
You'reasian Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Hi, This is going to be a bit long I am sorry! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and everything is great when he is in a good mood but when he gets in a bad mood he turns everything on me and makes me feel horrible. He is very controlling sometimes, like if I go out to dinner with my co-workers he calls about 10 times in 2 hours and gets mad if I am unable to answer him. He loves to accuse me of cheating and tells me I am wrong about a lot of things, not very supportive. If I talk to him about his behavior he will be nice for a few days but then he goes right back the minute something goes the slightest bit wrong or if I ignore his phone call. I dont know if I should end it with him or if I should try and work this out. Everyone around me is getting married lately (I am only 21 though) and it is a lot of pressure and being single is looked down upon. Please help! Also, a boy I work with at work..I have developed a strong passion for mainly because of how nice he is to me. I would like to pursue him but I am still in a relationship, if I break up with my bf and pursue him would he reject me because he knows I am fresh out of a relationship and we work together? I feel like he may be interested in me.... I'm seeing a couple of things here that others haven't pointed out (or noticed). 1. You stated "Everyone around me is getting married lately and it is alot of pressure and being single is looked down upon" It is not "everyone around you" who decides when you should get married. It is you. Paying too much attention to this is adding peer pressure in an area that doesn't need it - since the decision to get married should be an independent, well thought out, time tested decision. This pressure is pushing you to make a decision that you do not have to. 2. Your boyfriend calls you frequently when you go out. Why does he have this insecurity? Is it all on him. Did this just start happening or was there a developing trust issue in your relationship? A secure man can become unsure about a relationship if a situation occurs that confuses him. For instance if you say something and yet do something else that contradicts what you've said in terms of boundaries, where he "is" with you it could raise yellow flags for him. Suggestive flirting with another man for instance, could make him feel threatened and want to check on you or if he's more an Alpha-male, go out and suggestively flirt with other females believing you guys are just 'dating' and not serious to begin with. 3. You've got a crush on a young guy at work Your heart has moved out of this relationship and is looking toward another. You should make a decision - either break up with your existing boyfriend and try to date this other guy or try to improve your existing relationship. It isn't wise to date where you work, but if you think this new & unproven relationship with a younger guy is going to bring you more pleasure than difficulty from your existing relationship with your unsure guy, then go for it.
Author please advise Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Thank you so much You'reasian that was really a great reply I truly appreciate it! My boyfriend never had a reason to not trust me I am a faithful and good girlfriend and I do a lot for him. His last girlfriend cheated on him and maybe the insecurity is brought in from that. He is also an "alpha" male. I lost all my friends due to his controlling nature, I never want to go out because i want to avoid the constant calling and questioning and accusing. I have had talks with him and he is always wonderful afterwards but it usually ends within a week. I do want to make it work with him but I feel like its a never ending circle of controlling. I have heard that it is not smart to date where you work but that is the only place where I have the opportunity to meet people. Well once again thank you it is really helpful to hear what others have to say, its comforting
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