Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 When you keep receiving unwanted attention, you can turn quicker than on a dime. It's incredible how close 'connection' is, to 'aversion'. You've just flipped him a step too far, and he's snapped. People don't 'snap' by degrees. It's pretty sudden in any situation. Now will you please go NO CONTACT - ???
Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Oh, and because he's mad, he doesn't see you're hurting. All he sees is a whingeing painintheass..... That's how they manage to cloud their POV. By putting you in a bad light. It's easier that way.
Author mustangsally Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 I feel so bad. I don't know what to do. All this hurts way too much....I can't deal with someone cutting me off because of my grief and my grief at the same time. How can you be mad at someone who's upset and grieving over a friend? I haven't contact him other than to write him a letter explaining why I am upset with him. I had a friend look it over and they said no reasonable person should have a problem with what I wrote. Thanks guys. I feel even more like a worthless human being.
MotoMan Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I think it's because guys aren't socialized to share their feelings very well. I can say that because I ARE one! Women have more experience articulating their feellings than men (and that freaks us guys out sometimes). He may have said what he thought you wanted to hear, and then when you called him on it, he freaked. Or maybe he wasn't being honest with himself, and finally came to terms with what he could deal with and what he couldn't. As men, we're stubborn, obstinate, and pig headed at times (it's the reason guys won't ask for directions). Watch what he does more than what he says. And take his actions at face value. If he's not responding, it's because he doesn't want to. That may hurt and feel like rejection, but the action speaks for itself.
Author mustangsally Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 He did respond a couple times and then called me. That's when it came out that this was too much, but its not why he called. I expect he will respond to the letter, but it may be a few days.
MotoMan Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 You're giving your power to feel over to someone else, don't do it. You'll always be at their mercy. Know that you're worthy and others think you are too (they're called friends! I'm sorry to hear that your friend died, it's healthy to grieve for someone you care about, it's because you felt your friend has worth, and you feel a loss because your friend is gone. It's tough because you're dealing with a few things at once: the holidays, the death of your friend, and the death of your relationship with your boyfriend. My XW had good advice in a previous forum, BREATHE! and breathe some more! Deep breaths will help you find some calm among the caos.
Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Ok, stop now. Your happiness is not dependent on the inclusion in your life of a significant other. Your happiness is not dependent on your getting apologies, explanations, inputs or justifications from those who have hurt you in the past. Your happiness is not dependent on life being great, wonderful, love-drenched and serene. Because it rarely ever is. Your happiness is not dependent on being able to help anyone, fix anyone, repair anyone or make them change their pattern of behaviour, because you never can, and you never will. Your happiness is not dependent on anything outside of yourself. Anything. The only way you can gain true happiness, serenity and lasting Joy is by accepting that you are absolutely, wonderfully, blissfully perfect just as you are right now. The most important person in your life - the one who deserves your completely accepting, unconditional love and Compassion - is You. And get this: You always will be. because until you can totally come to terms with yourself - "damaged" bits, warts and all, and love yourself as deeply as you'd like to love anyone else - you can never love anyone else that way. You will always have an agenda - and so will they. So let it all drop, leave the baggage on the floor, and feel lighter still.
Nemo Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 How can you be mad at someone who's upset and grieving over a friend? Exactly. One, he's not much of a "friend." Two, if you try to play "friends," you will most likely continue to be disappointed, or want more. Only a masochist would relish such circumstances.
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