Daddy, what's it like to be older?

[kashmir]

I was thinking today, and I came to a realization - I like women. Amazing discovery, huh? Never saw that coming. Oh, I forgot to mention one little detail - I like women, not girls.

 

Seriously though, I sat back and thought of the most attractive girls at my school. Then I thought of the most attractive women I've seen, whether it be on a screen or in real life. I then compared the two and realized there was a striking difference. I realized how much more attractive the woman is than the 19 year old girl.

 

Then I thought about why I suck with girls my age and why they never seem attracted to me. Here's a theory - maybe, just maybe, deep down I don't really want them. Hell, it'd be nice to hook up with a few pretty ones, but anything more? Nah. Like, what do they do? Go around to parties with their friends taking pictures of themselves all dressed up? I love to drink and party, when appropriate, but I don't know, going around with some girl to parties seems boring to me.

 

Maybe I'm just tired of this whole immature college scene. Guys tell me to "just have fun" and sleep with whoever, but for some reason I can't do that. I get too much of an ego in class to play stupid and ask a girl for help me or study with me. I find myself rolling my eyes making fun of girls all the time, subtly enough so they barely miss it. I can't take most of them seriously

 

This brings me down to my question - how are things different after college when people are settled into their lives? Everyone always says that college is the best time, it's easy to meet people and get dates, blah blah blah, but I don't think it is. Hell, I can't wait to get out of here and get a job in the real world, meet real women, and go on real dates. Everything seems so much clearer and distinct after college, while youth is just a big chaotic mess.

 

Ok, so here's the bottom line. I don't care about girls now. I don't care to have a girlfriend or develop any exclusive emotional attachment to a girl now. All I'd really like is short term stuff with just a bit of emotion, and I think that's okay since I'm betting a lot of girls want the same. All the fun romantic stuff like long walks on the beach and moonlight love sessions can wait. Second question - with a less-restricted pool of girls by not being so picky about long-term potential, how do I succeed with them?

 

So I'd like to know a) if I can hope for something better in a few years or if this is my best shot, and b) how can I see some short-term success now?

[movingonandon]

Wow, you're way ahead of the curve. It turns out, there is such thing that girls (women) that are way *too young to be attractive* (I was surprised to realise that too, though it took me a lot longer than you ). That said, it doesn't take much effort to get laid in college, so why turn it down . For those, concentrate on all the superficial aspects of coolness that the popular culture is feeding you, don't overdo the individuality . No offense, but you seem way too mellow and introspective to be particularly succesfull in this, and that's not a bad thing.

 

After college, it's crapshoot. There are women in their 30s that behave as if they are still in college, and there are amasingly mature 25 year olds. But overall dating/relationships (vs. just getting laid), are a lot easier beyond college, IMHO.

 

All that said, there's still a minimal chance that you could meet the girl that's right for you in college...

[spookie]

As a new member of the real world, I must say that it rocks. College always felt like a joke to me, both in terms of people's priorities and the social scene; I mean, the whole point was that someone else was supporting us, so it was possible to not make any sense in terms of choices and look like you still succeeded. The real world, where you have to fend for yourself, create real output, and decide what's important to you, allows you to find yourself. IMO, anyway.

 

I think relationships are going to be WAY better in adulthood. However, I've yet to have one. I've been here more than 6 months and I've yet to even make out with somebody, unless you count my summer fling with the bedpisser, which I don't because he was still in college. That's the problem: knowing what you want, feeling like you can get it, and having much less free time makes you pretty picky; and it's hard to meet people.

[kashmir]

Wow, you're way ahead of the curve. It turns out, there is such thing that girls (women) that are way *too young to be attractive* (I was surprised to realise that too, though it took me a lot longer than you ). That said, it doesn't take much effort to get laid in college, so why turn it down . For those, concentrate on all the superficial aspects of coolness that the popular culture is feeding you, don't overdo the individuality . No offense, but you seem way too mellow and introspective to be particularly succesfull in this, and that's not a bad thing.

 

That's part of what I'm getting at. I know I've got some brains, but they seem to not really be helping much with the opposite sex nowadays, which is fine for now.

 

The other part of my post has pretty much been answered. No matter what I'll have hope for something better in the future, and that's a nice thought. Now I just want to make things a bit better in the present.

 

This might seem superficial to ask, but I think it's appropriate for my age. How can I get short term and mostly physical relationships? Aka... How do I get laid? It's happened a few times, but not with girls whom I've been most attracted to.

[RichGuy]

Hello everyone, this is my first post (but I've been lurking for a while though).

 

I'm in my 30's, and although I've been working for a while now, I'm one of those guys who is way over-educated and spent way too much time in college.

 

I just have to disagree with everyone else's assessment above. The most charming women are the pretty young ladies who have not lost their innocence and pep, and are always smiling and being nice to everyone . The older the women get, as they become "worldly", as they slowly turn into women with a "past", their world view changes from the idealize sugar-coated fantays-world into the nasty, sweaty, stinky real-world. A person's world-view seeps through their personality, the way they talk, they way they treat others.

 

Try this experiment, just go to a strip club and try to talk to a professional dancer who's being doing it for years and years (this will cost money, of course). Then talk to a dance who just started a few months ago (a little bit cheaper). Then talk to a normal college girl (virtually free). Then try a high-school girl of age (really free).

 

This is the advice I give you: enjoy the company (and I don't mean just sex) of the youngest women you can at your age.

[malibustacydoll]

Since it appears he is 19 I do not suggest him enjoying dinner with the youngest female he can find. When you say that I imagine him going to find a ten year old and asking to take her to dinner. I do not imagine that going well. I do not think it should be an age thing at all. Everyone should be judged on their own merits and what they bring into any given situation. IE we shouldn't judge people on gender, race and even age in this case. I am not saying go shack up with an old grandma. (Although it doesn't look too bad if you've seen Yes Man.) College girls really are not all that bad if you meet the right ones. We don't all like the party scene and some of us are keepers. :-)

 

quote=RichGuy;1974122]Hello everyone, this is my first post (but I've been lurking for a while though).

 

I'm in my 30's, and although I've been working for a while now, I'm one of those guys who is way over-educated and spent way too much time in college.

 

I just have to disagree with everyone else's assessment above. The most charming women are the pretty young ladies who have not lost their innocence and pep, and are always smiling and being nice to everyone . The older the women get, as they become "worldly", as they slowly turn into women with a "past", their world view changes from the idealize sugar-coated fantays-world into the nasty, sweaty, stinky real-world. A person's world-view seeps through their personality, the way they talk, they way they treat others.

 

Try this experiment, just go to a strip club and try to talk to a professional dancer who's being doing it for years and years (this will cost money, of course). Then talk to a dance who just started a few months ago (a little bit cheaper). Then talk to a normal college girl (virtually free). Then try a high-school girl of age (really free).

 

This is the advice I give you: enjoy the company (and I don't mean just sex) of the youngest women you can at your age.

[RichGuy]

IE we shouldn't judge people on gender, race and even age in this case.

 

Kashmir, see what I mean about young women living in a fantasy-world?

 

Futurecjprof, are you under 25? I like your world much better than my world, where I have personally experienced sexism, racism, and ageism. I want to return to your garden of eden...

[RichGuy]

Since it appears he is 19 I do not suggest him enjoying dinner with the youngest female he can find. When you say that I imagine him going to find a ten year old and asking to take her to dinner.

 

"Dallas club where 12-year-old stripper worked stays open"

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5654708.html

[Isolde]

Kashmir, you make some interesting points here, and I also feel like the guys I brooded over in college, they probably weren't guys that I'd want to be with for the long term.

 

I agree with what Spookie said. I went straight to grad school after college, which isn't quite like working full time; however, I have no free time anymore and basically work 9 hours 5 days a week + a bit on weekends. For that reason, my decisions have to be made differently, and as a result, I'm a lot less inclined to waste time doing things I know probably won't work, but I'm ALSO a lot more ready to have fun on weekends, including dating.

 

The result is that on the one hand, I feel more satisfied with myself than I ever did in college, on the whole; but that I'm also more frustrated because finding what I want requires insane amounts of patience and focus.

[wierdmunky]

I decided to go to college really late, and I feel like yeah there are a lot of people to meet, but very few people are going to be more than just casual hang out buddies for a while and not forever, and not serious.

[Isolde]

Ohh, just to clarify a point I made--I didn't mean to say people in college aren't good relationship material, they're just not rel material DURING COLLEGE. Seems obvious, but I guess an important point to make.

[kizik]

Ohh, just to clarify a point I made--I didn't mean to say people in college aren't good relationship material, they're just not rel material DURING COLLEGE. Seems obvious, but I guess an important point to make.

 

Well - I'm a full-time student, AND I know that I make a great boyfriend. So I'm gonna have to disagree w/ you, Isolde.

[Isolde]

Well - I'm a full-time student, AND I know that I make a great boyfriend. So I'm gonna have to disagree w/ you, Isolde.

 

I'm just generalizing. The average guy/girl will make a much better LTR partner at 27 than he/she did during college. I'm sure there are exceptions -- or even cases where the reverse might be true due to being burned out by bad relationships, and so on. Many shy people also take longer to mature socially in general. I know that's true for me--I'm just out of college and I'm still working on it!

 

People want men and women, not boys/girls, to have serious relationships with. I think that was Kashmir's main point, and I agree with him.

[kizik]

So should I be surprised to find that all the "women" I meet who are around my age (25) are so up their a$$es, immature and generally intolerable? I'm asking honestly. Like the OP, I feel like they're so... dumb.

[carhill]

I don't care about girls now. I don't care to have a girlfriend or develop any exclusive emotional attachment to a girl now. All I'd really like is short term stuff with just a bit of emotion, and I think that's okay since I'm betting a lot of girls want the same.

 

Date 40's women. Yahoo...

 

Little inhibition, no illusions, rock your world....

 

Second question - with a less-restricted pool of girls by not being so picky about long-term potential, how do I succeed with them?

 

Be available and keep your equipment in good shape. Youth has its benefits when it comes to STR's/casual relationships.

 

Oh, I forgot to mention one little detail - I like women, not girls.

 

There ya go

[confused_2008]

So should I be surprised to find that all the "women" I meet who are around my age (25) are so up their a$$es, immature and generally intolerable? I'm asking honestly. Like the OP, I feel like they're so... dumb.

 

They're not all that way, it's just so frustrating wading through all that are.

[kashmir]

I can think of one girl that I'd want to get into a "serious" relationship with, meaning I think I would be content with being her boyfriend for at least the rest of my college years. She's unavailable now, but some day sooner or later we might be together (that's another topic, though). Besides her, I just want have casual relationships with different girls. I usually find when I ask for advice, both on the internet and in real life, people give me answers along the lines of, "Stop trying to get a serious relationship. Just have fun with as many girls you can." I'm NOT looking for that though...I want to just take things lightly and see different girls, but obviously I'm not meeting girls, otherwise I wouldn't be asking for help.

 

In this post, I was pretty much looking forward to the age when people actually DATE and things are more clear and distinct, when women don't blur the lines between friends and boyfriends and they're more mature with realizing attraction. I was asking if that would really be the case after I graduate when I'm 21.

 

Still though, I'd like to know how to just get by now. I do lots of things with my time. Lots of school work, music, rowing, writing fiction works, and sometimes doing some volunteer work (where I'm actually DOING something beneficial to someone). But I still have two balls and a penis, and those things don't quite satisfy them.

[malibustacydoll]

Of course the world isn't fair. However, you can be old and cynical or you can try to do your best not do be a pessimist. You only live once. It sounds like someone needs to get in touch with their youth again. I am indeed under 25 but I am quite mature for my age. I know how the real world is but there is still some fantasy to it...

[kashmir]

Of course the world isn't fair. However, you can be old and cynical or you can try to do your best not do be a pessimist. You only live once. It sounds like someone needs to get in touch with their youth again. I am indeed under 25 but I am quite mature for my age. I know how the real world is but there is still some fantasy to it...

 

Right...you can sit and whine about being discriminated against and spend your whole life trying to find justice for the sins done against you, and while justice from the outside is satisfying and sometimes necessary, you won't accomplish anything without a feeling of inner justice. By that, I mean being able to return to your happy life without worries.

 

The world isn't fair. It never is and never has been. Good men will get the worst it has to offer while bad men will have the best luck in the world. Karma means ****...it's just a concept created by hopeful good-doers to make themselves feel better, but there isn't any guarantee that one's actions will be rewarded and punished. The best a man can do is accept what he's got and roll with it.

 

I always was, and still am, an inch away from becoming someone heavily outspoken against all the issues plaguing this world, and particularly the ones that have affected me negatively. Hell, I've got good reason to hate - to hate other individuals, to hate governing bodies, to hate doctors...but you know what? What the hell will that get me? More conflict? I'd rather just leave all that crap in the past and live with what I've got now. I don't want to band together with others to end injustices, because what the hell does it get you? Revolution? Change? Nah, just the new boss, same as the old boss.

 

The best world you can live in is the one you create from your own eyes. Of course, there are so many forces in this world that try to stop you from doing this and try to drag you into all the conflicts and troubles of this mad world. It takes that much more will power to resist these forces.

[Jersey Shortie]

Ok, so here's the bottom line. I don't care about girls now. I don't care to have a girlfriend or develop any exclusive emotional attachment to a girl now. All I'd really like is short term stuff with just a bit of emotion, and I think that's okay since I'm betting a lot of girls want the same.

 

I would be careful with this one. Most women aren't too keen on men who only half-way want to commit to them. We like when a man is mature enough to want to develop more with us then a quick romp in the hay and the diet coke version of the emotional attachment. That's fine if that's what you want. But be completely honest with all the females you start to develop that kind of relationship with so that she isn't shell shocked one day to find out she has been liking you more and more and you have just been liking the little bits of emotional bread you have been thowing her way.

 

 

So I'd like to know a) if I can hope for something better in a few years or if this is my best shot, and b) how can I see some short-term success now?

 

Life is too vaired to say that you either have now or never or you only have the future to find something "better" Some people find it right out of high school. Some people find it when they they are 40.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm in my 30's, and although I've been working for a while now, I'm one of those guys who is way over-educated and spent way too much time in college.

 

I've known alot of over educated men and I never once heard them say that they were "over-educated and spent way too much time in college" like some kind of double pat on the back. But I digress.

 

I just have to disagree with everyone else's assessment above. The most charming women are the pretty young ladies who have not lost their innocence and pep, and are always smiling and being nice to everyone . The older the women get, as they become "worldly", as they slowly turn into women with a "past", their world view changes from the idealize sugar-coated fantays-world into the nasty, sweaty, stinky real-world. A person's world-view seeps through their personality, the way they talk, they way they treat others.

 

I think young women can be charming. As well as older women. I think for someone so educated I am quite surprised by your narrow assement of the human spectrum. I've met countless young women who had awful personalities. I've heard many men say young women don't smile and aren't nice. I've met many older women with sparkling charming personalities. But I agree with you that a person's world view seeps through their personality, the way they talk, the way they treat others. If you are already going to stereotype older women as "bad" and younger women as "good", no wonder you think they way you do. You haven't given them a chance from the start. And women are no more attracted to men who think negativly of them or think only young women are the best then a man is attracted to a nasty negative woman either. Works both way ways and attitude in men and women is equally important. I honestly don't think your attitude towards women would be attractive to most. Just like you don't find the attitude of older women attractive.

 

 

Try this experiment, just go to a strip club and try to talk to a professional dancer who's being doing it for years and years (this will cost money, of course). Then talk to a dance who just started a few months ago (a little bit cheaper). Then talk to a normal college girl (virtually free). Then try a high-school girl of age (really free).

 

Again, being so educated your comparison suprises me. You are asking for comparison of strippers vs high school girls?????? I don't understand this at all. Of cousre they are going to have two different life experiences. High school girls are intersted in high school boys and don't have the experience yet that many of their older couner parts have. They haven't been treated by men in the ways someone with more experience has found men can treat women. We grow up thinking men are wonderful and special and will always treat us like we are special beautiful and with respect. And yes, the truth is, that doesn't happen and we live and learn and become more guarded for it. A professional dance who has been doing it for years will be more jaded. Because men have treated her like nothing but a worthless dollar fantasy. Perhaps jaded women say more about how men treat women and the type of people some men are, then the woman. Perhaps it says something about both. Give those high school girls a few years and they might be in the same place as their older counter parts. Maybe the answer isn't going for the youngest gal, but for men to show more respect and consideration for women of all ages, young or old. ...Go figure.

 

This is the advice I give you: enjoy the company (and I don't mean just sex) of the youngest women you can at your age.

 

Excellent advice. I think I saw a 12 year old post on craigs list about wanting to expand her My Little Ponies collection. She is probably very navie, happy, bubbly and unaffected.

[kashmir]

I would be careful with this one. Most women aren't too keen on men who only half-way want to commit to them. We like when a man is mature enough to want to develop more with us then a quick romp in the hay and the diet coke version of the emotional attachment. That's fine if that's what you want. But be completely honest with all the females you start to develop that kind of relationship with so that she isn't shell shocked one day to find out she has been liking you more and more and you have just been liking the little bits of emotional bread you have been thowing her way.

 

If there's a girl I like that likes me back and wants to develop something deeper with me, then by all means I'd be for that. You seem to be forgetting, though, that I'm in college and the girls here aren't looking for mature guys to commit to them, just hot guys to hook up with.

[malibustacydoll]

If there's a girl I like that likes me back and wants to develop something deeper with me, then by all means I'd be for that. You seem to be forgetting, though, that I'm in college and the girls here aren't looking for mature guys to commit to them, just hot guys to hook up with.

 

I am a college girl myself. I know a lot of other college girls and not all of them are looking for a fling or a hot guy to hook up with.

[awesomeness43]

Kashmir, you seem to contradict yourself often. In one case, you complain about how much better you are than the girls, and how much more mature you are and how dumb college girls and how you don't want anything just casual.

 

Then.... you are asking for help getting laid?

[kashmir]

Kashmir, you seem to contradict yourself often. In one case, you complain about how much better you are than the girls, and how much more mature you are and how dumb college girls and how you don't want anything just casual.

 

Then.... you are asking for help getting laid?

 

I wouldn't be me if I didn't constantly have several contradicting opinions, desires, and intentions for any given issue. That's why I can never be a politician.

 

The reason I'm asking about how to get something casual is whenever I ask for advice people always tell me to stop looking for a potential girlfriend and just take what I can get, assuming I'd want her. I think I'd like it more if I found one girl who I shared mutual attraction with, but odds are a girl like that isn't going to come soon, so until then I'd just like to date around and not be such a stranger to girls.

[confused_2008]

I wouldn't be me if I didn't constantly have several contradicting opinions, desires, and intentions for any given issue. That's why I can never be a politician.

 

Sounds to me like you would be a perfect politician.