peacebyinches Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 This is probably going to be a long post but here it goes. I met this girl back in May. It was at work. I had a position of authority and she was low on the totem pole. Like way lower than me in a totally different department. A little background on me. I am a bad boy. I party, got tattoos, win fights in bars (very rarely happens but once a year is too much I am sure), etc etc. I believe Im a good looking guy as well. When she started working there all the guys were on her. Im pretty cocky and can take it or leave it when it comes to females. I date a lot of hot strippers, rarely go long periods without getting laid, so I see no reason to sweat any female. If you are thinking I am a pompous a-hole dont worry. I end up hurt at the end of this story. Keep reading. I would ask the lady in her department that she assisted about her quite often though. Thinking about it makes me smile. One day she calls me at my extension and asks if I was asking about her. I said yes. We hook up. We got AMAZING sexual chemistry. Like what I have always been looking for. Like I never have to look elsewhere sexual chemistry. Then its like when we talk we understand each other. We can express feelings and all and I dont have to play the tough guy all the time. She would refer to me as Mr. Amazing. We were so in love. Then when the economy took a down turn I lost my job and a lot of material things along with my sanity. I fell in to a severe depression. She tried to be there but this was bigger than us. I sought help for the depression. She was there the whole time. I ended up needing serious help and checked in to a place to get my head together for a week. She picked me up when I got out, we went to lunch, came back to my house, had sex, then she left to go to work. On her way there she texted me saying she doesn't feel it anymore. Im a smart guy. I am sure starting off as some cocky arrogant go-getter to a depressed person that pretty much gave up for a period of time I became unattractive. I asked her many times if she wanted to move on and she said no. Shes with me to the end. Then once I believe that she dumps me but says she feels like I am her best friend and wants to stay in touch. At first I felt betrayed and was ignorant. Then missed her and apologized. Then tried being her friend. Since then Ive gotten some good news on the job front. Ill be back to a very good income very soon. Life will get back to somewhat normal soon for me. My swagger is coming back. I am feeling good again. The only thing holding me down is my heartbreak. So I pour my heart out and beg her not to leave me. She says she cant. She dont feel it and would never want to lie to me. Cool. I understand. I can't stay friends though. It hurts too much. So I tell her and she seems to understand but says it is breaking her heart we cant remain friends. Says if I ever need her call, blah blah blah. Well tonight she texts me after a while without me in her life and asks are we ever going to talk again. I reply I dont know. Im starting to feel good again without her and dont understand why she is contacting me and why it is so important to her to be friends. I got a lot of pieces of my life to pick up and aint gonna leave a foot in the past. I dont want her as a friend. Im in love with her, but also dont think I could take her back after suffering the hurt I just went through so I am trying to let it go completely but cant deal with her contacting me. Why wont she move on since she broke it off?? I dont get it.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 She probably has her own emotional issues. Once you're healthy again, it will become apparent. Work on yourself. Right now, she's counterproductive to that process. If you were indeed clinically depressed, it doesn't magically end overnight (months is "overnight"). Also, I'd suggest re-evaluating the "bad-boy" personna. It's cool when you're young but can lead to a lonely existence when older, not to mention the kinds of partners you attract. Have you been married? Being married has really helped me understand how exactly women toy with men's emotions. Real eye-opener
Author peacebyinches Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Nah, never married. Im trying to lose the bad boy image but it is hard to get rid of. Been a defense mechanism all my life but I have toned it down a lot over the years. The depression is being treated pharmaceutically and therapeutically and getting better. Im focused and ready to fight again for my life. There was a time where ending it was an option. So I know those two extremes dont happen rapidally. Thanks for pointing that out. She probably has her own emotional issues. Once you're healthy again, it will become apparent. Work on yourself. Right now, she's counterproductive to that process. If you were indeed clinically depressed, it doesn't magically end overnight (months is "overnight"). Also, I'd suggest re-evaluating the "bad-boy" personna. It's cool when you're young but can lead to a lonely existence when older, not to mention the kinds of partners you attract. Have you been married? Being married has really helped me understand how exactly women toy with men's emotions. Real eye-opener
Author peacebyinches Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 I just initiated full NC. Made it known though. Sent a text in reply to her text asking will she ever hear from me again. I told her "after all we shared and the sex we had I cant do the friend zone. If I did I wouldnt be putting my feelings first. This is what you wanted and Im complying."
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 The hard part will be to not read/listen to any of her replies and/or contact attempts
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