Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Met a guy online earlier this week. He called me on Tuesday, and we talked for over 2 hours! Set up a date for tonight. He texted me on Tuesday after our call, then again on Wednesday. This morning, he texted me at 10:30 reconfirming tonight. I said yes, and he responded with a smiley face. I wrote back around 2 for him to just tell me when and where. He said OK. So I dont hear from him again until 6, when he tells me hes running late and can we meet around 9? Well Im not digging this, but Im not sure I want to completely blow him off for good. Just for tonight. How should I respond?
510 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Wow.. your're an alpha female and are having a difficult time with this? I would be a bit suspicious considering he's someone you met online. However, I just went through a similar situation with someone I recently met. We were texting and communicating throughout the day. I made it clear about the time I preferred to leave my house. I asked that he contact me within the hour to confirm. I didn't hear anything until about 2hrs later and by then I was some where else. Yes, I could have still met up with him but by then I was not open to changing my plans, especially if I already made it clear. I simply said, "I expected us to meet up much sooner than this and after not hearing from you for quite awhile, I thought you had a change of plans so if you don't mind I would like to reschedule." Anytime a person always makes her or herself immediately available and doesn't set ground rules from the beginning the behavior will always continue. And I'm not one to sit by the phone waiting. Even if I was home and by the phone I would not have followd through. My time is very important to me and I'm pretty no nonsense.
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Wow.. your're an alpha female and are having a difficult time with this? Oh I didnt realize I was supposed to know everything and not ask for opinions. Thanks for letting me know. Sorry to everyone else for posting.
prettybaby Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Oh I didnt realize I was supposed to know everything and not ask for opinions. Thanks for letting me know. Sorry to everyone else for posting. Don't be offended. You gotta admit that the irony if your user name is something worth pointing out That being said, I would put my foot down and reschedule. Make it clear you still wanna meet, but by rescheduling you also establish the fact that punctuality is something you value and that you're not just constantly available for whenever he feels like it. It's important to set things straight at the very beginning like that.
510 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Don't be offended. You gotta admit that the irony if your user name is something worth pointing out That being said, I would put my foot down and reschedule. Make it clear you still wanna meet, but by rescheduling you also establish the fact that punctuality is something you value and that you're not just constantly available for whenever he feels like it. It's important to set things straight at the very beginning like that. Thank you for clarifying this Pretty Baby.. her name was the first thing I saw.. and we think alike..
malibustacydoll Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 If I were you I would give them a chance. I absolutely hate when people say one thing and do another. Just keep it in your mind and warn him. I would meet him and tell him in the future you appreciate when people are on time.
Shygirl15 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 It all depends on what excuses he has for running late. If it's sincere then you can still give him a shot. I personally try to stay away from unnecessary drama early on.
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 I wrote him: sorry. I didnt hear from you so I made other plans. He responded: ok Guess he wasn't that interested in getting together anyway! I think my gut was right - he was just playing me.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Next time, have the man call you to confirm the date. If he texts "Are we on for tonight?", answer "call me". People nowadays don't assign much value to the written word, especially the electrons flying around on cell phones. Also, if he leaves the pickup time open-ended, this shows lack of respect for your time and also for the reality that a lady must "get ready". This indicates immaturity. I would personally avoid men like this for dating, though they are likely fine for "hanging out". It's not your job to educate him. That's what his mommy was for Your instincts were good...
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Next time, have the man call you to confirm the date. If he texts "Are we on for tonight?", answer "call me". People nowadays don't assign much value to the written word, especially the electrons flying around on cell phones. Also, if he leaves the pickup time open-ended, this shows lack of respect for your time and also for the reality that a lady must "get ready". This indicates immaturity. I would personally avoid men like this for dating, though they are likely fine for "hanging out". It's not your job to educate him. That's what his mommy was for Your instincts were good... I just accidentally sent him a text that I meant for a friend that said: Im 2 4 2 with guys blowing off dates this week! lol. I think its a sign! lol He writes back and then Im mortified!!! I didnt blow you off hun. Just pushed it out to 9PM. I wrote him back that I was embarassed as that text was meant for a friend as Im venting about my crappy love luck. Ignore it. I have to agree with you Carhill. He texts me to confirm in the morning then texts again at 6 to ask if we can meet at 9? And this guy is 39 by the way. I agree with you that hes got a much more casual approach than I like. And he also doesnt seem that bothered that were not going out! Its not even like hes asked to reschedule or anything. I do find it all to be disrespectful and doesnt show a lot of interest or class.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 LOL, interesting how that text stuff works .... Anyway, a lot of men in my age bracket (over 40) subscribe to this "casual" approach; it's a way of "caring less" and retaining more control. As we see in your example, this man perhaps lost out on a potentially enjoyable date and meeting a lady who might have been good to have in his life. The lesson in this is two-fold; firstly, setting one's boundaries and enforcing them commands respect, including validating one's self-respect. Secondly, it solidifies the perception of signs of incompatibility which are important if one is indeed looking for a LTR. So, when a serious and properly respectful gentleman comes along, he'll be like a breath of fresh air you'll not be able to inhale enough of So, off to a glass of wine and a good book..
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 LOL, interesting how that text stuff works .... Anyway, a lot of men in my age bracket (over 40) subscribe to this "casual" approach; it's a way of "caring less" and retaining more control. As we see in your example, this man perhaps lost out on a potentially enjoyable date and meeting a lady who might have been good to have in his life. The lesson in this is two-fold; firstly, setting one's boundaries and enforcing them commands respect, including validating one's self-respect. Secondly, it solidifies the perception of signs of incompatibility which are important if one is indeed looking for a LTR. So, when a serious and properly respectful gentleman comes along, he'll be like a breath of fresh air you'll not be able to inhale enough of So, off to a glass of wine and a good book.. Again very good advice! I know hes pretty burned out on online dating and that he has told me that the second date is the new first when it comes to online dating. Im sure he was thinking a quick drive by would be sufficient or maybe he didnt want to invest too much. I guess after a two hour phone call he was a bit more interested. We all bring baggage at our age. But I have to agree with you. If we cant even get to the first date without a lot of hassle I dont think it bodes well for anything beyond. It is a pity. But I have to think this is how it was meant to be.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 IMO, it's how one packs their baggage which defines them That's a frequent flyer joke I hope the next one goes better!
EYECANDY000 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I wrote him: sorry. I didnt hear from you so I made other plans. He responded: ok Guess he wasn't that interested in getting together anyway! I think my gut was right - he was just playing me. honestly, if a guy told me that since they didnt hear from me , so that made other plans my response would be "ok" as well.. what more needs to be said. It sounds like he just pushed the time back a few, all you had to do was say yes, thats fine, or no its not!I think you was overthinking the situation.. but thats just me
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Carhill - weve been texting for the last hour or so. He basically told me that he didnt see tonight as a date, but more as a meet. I told him in the future he shouldnt be afraid to jump in if hes interested in someone. And he said he would jump in if he thought the pool had some water in it and that the water was at least lukewarm. I said that was harsh. He said that was his record with online dating. I told him if he manifests this then it will always come to pass. Man oh man. Talk about throwing your baggage right out there! You called it! Still, a pity.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 It sounds like he just pushed the time back a few, all you had to do was say yes, thats fine, or no its not!I think you was overthinking the situation.. but thats just meHe never set the time until 6pm night of the "date". Read the OP "Last minute" guys apparently don't set well with the OP. I support that philosophy OP, if I could suggest something.... If you want to do something that's not a "date", try lunch. My wife and I met for lunch on a rainy February day about 10 years ago. She was late If it's a Friday or Saturday and it's night, it's a date I'd also suggest sweet whispers in the ears (phone or in-person) rather than texts. Much more romantic. For the future...
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 He never set the time until 6pm night of the "date". Read the OP "Last minute" guys apparently don't set well with the OP. I support that philosophy OP, if I could suggest something.... If you want to do something that's not a "date", try lunch. My wife and I met for lunch on a rainy February day about 10 years ago. She was late If it's a Friday or Saturday and it's night, it's a date I'd also suggest sweet whispers in the ears (phone or in-person) rather than texts. Much more romantic. For the future... Well I agree! I think a Friday night implies a "date" and not a quick meet. He should have suggested coffee on a Tuesday then.
Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Last minute dates, especially meet and greets, strike me as booty calls. NEXT!
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Last minute dates, especially meet and greets, strike me as booty calls. NEXT! huh? it wasnt a last minute date. it was planned on Tuesday and reconfirmed this morning.
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Carhill hes still texting me and has just admitted he is jaded about dating. Well at least one out there was honest. lol. I told him he should take 6 months off and clean out the cobwebs because until he does no one has a chance.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 OP, she might be referring to the fact that no firm time/place was indicated or confirmed. Example.... Tuesday. "I'd love to take you to see the opera this Friday evening at 9pm. I'd like to take you to dinner prior, so we can talk and get to know each other. Would 7pm be OK to pick you up?" Not a "typical" first date perhaps, but I'm conveying specifics of time/place commitments that indicate respect and interest. I don't know much about booty calls since they've never been a feature of my life but I can see how they might be a part of the "casual" philosophy. Little caring, no commitment.
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Carhill hes still texting me and has just admitted he is jaded about dating. He knows he screwed up, is feeling guilty and is trying to recover. Resist Do you have any idea how many women I was a sounding board for regarding this cr@p over the years? I've heard it all
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 He knows he screwed up, is feeling guilty and is trying to recover. Resist Do you have any idea how many women I was a sounding board for regarding this cr@p over the years? I've heard it all Ha ha! Oh I dont know about that. Weve pretty much gotten to the point of wishing each other well in our searches and asking each other if we have other friends to fix us up with. Which is total crap but I dont think this could have ended any other way. He is telling me that if he met someone and they clicked then he would be good to go. I just dont think that his methods are on the same page with how I like to date. But you were right. Hes a bitter jaded guy (told me that I dont know what horrible dating experiences he has had from online dating and thats why he is how he is now) who is trying to pass it off like hes not as bitter. Now hes asking if I have phone pics of my friends as we offered to find each other dates. Yick.
moonshadow Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I just accidentally sent him a text that I meant for a friend that said: Im 2 4 2 with guys blowing off dates this week! lol. I think its a sign! lol He writes back and then Im mortified!!! I didnt blow you off hun. Just pushed it out to 9PM. I wrote him back that I was embarassed as that text was meant for a friend as Im venting about my crappy love luck. Ignore it. I have to agree with you Carhill. He texts me to confirm in the morning then texts again at 6 to ask if we can meet at 9? And this guy is 39 by the way. I agree with you that hes got a much more casual approach than I like. And he also doesnt seem that bothered that were not going out! Its not even like hes asked to reschedule or anything. I do find it all to be disrespectful and doesnt show a lot of interest or class. Don't you find it lame that you were both choosing to communicate by text messaging? LOL I mean, that's the stuff that teens use. I'd never give the time of day to someone if their method of confirming a date was freakin' text messaging - doesn't anyone actually use the phone anymore? geez.
Author Alpha Female Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Don't you find it lame that you were both choosing to communicate by text messaging? LOL I mean, that's the stuff that teens use. I'd never give the time of day to someone if their method of confirming a date was freakin' text messaging - doesn't anyone actually use the phone anymore? geez. I know!!!!!!!! And this is after he called me on Tuesday and we talked for over two hours. Men.
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