sunshinegirl Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 SG, please do the right (and courageous) thing and call him to tell him you're not feeling it. That sort of directness is something I have gotten pretty good at thanks to online dating. I never want to lead anyone on, so as soon as I knew it's not going to go anywhere, I let the guy know - directly but gently. That said, there are a couple of times when I have struggled to do it - in fact once I meant to break up with a guy I'd seen 2-3 times but when he called, I chickened out and instead agreed to another date. The day of the date I thought "what the heck am I doing? I don't want to see this guy!" and I called him up, apologized, and broke up with him... just a few hours before we were supposed to meet for dinner. Good one. (Try not to do something like that!)
tincanman99 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I think you should do it over the phone. Just say "Its not working for me and I dont want to pursue this relationship". That ends it right than and there, no misunderstandings. There is not much worse than going out to dinner/coffee whatever to just be told that you dont want to see them. Actually whats worse is just disappearing and I have had that happen too... Now that really sucks. Just be nice and keep it short over the phone. You can even leave a message if you want.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Hmmm... I totally understand that his clingy behavior is a bit irritating, but he clearly saw a lot more in that first date than you did. He needs to know at some point that you're just not quite as interested in him as he is in you. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, and you can take a day without responding to his texts, but I would just phone him up and tell him the truth in a nice way. Perhaps you could text him but phoning might be better, I don't know. Maybe just start by saying "It was a nice date the other night and I appreciate that you were a gentleman, but to be honest, I think I just feel like you're more of a friend to me than a dating partner. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. I hope you're okay with that." I agree with this. These situations suck, there is no denying it. It seems like the guy just can't take a hint. In that case you just have to clobber him over the head with a frying pan.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Just to point out something kind of funny to me, nothing to do with SG- If SG had any interest he would be the most romantic man in the world, but without attraction the same guy is looking like a stalker. "Specifically, he not active (I am), he's atheist (I'm at least spiritual), he's still very much into partying (I've been over that for a LONG time), and he doesn't share any of my interests (skiing, tennis, traveling) or have any desire to try them. We just lead very, very different lives. " I think if you just say you've been thinking about things and based on everything from your quote, you are not interested in a relationship it would be the easiest let down, and the truth. You're core values are too different.
Isolde Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I wouldn't set up a date to dump him. I'd rather be dumped over email or even text than in person... lol
SoleMate Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 After one date, there is hardly a need to "dump" him. Just stop taking his calls, or be really short when he calls you. If he asks, you can say, "I'm not interested". If he doesn't ask, then he'll just have to figure it out.
alphamale Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 He texts me multiple times each day. (He also uses pet names towards me in almost half of them, which is just weird - he's done that from the get-go, immediately after meeting.) If I don't respond in an hour, he sends another text asking me if my phone is working or if I'm busy. Some of these texts were on Christmas Eve, after I specifically told him I was with family. Every single day he asks me what my plans are for that night, or for the upcoming weekend. I've had plans each time he's asked, which has avoided any awkward need for turning him down, but I sense he'll be extending an invite as soon as I even hint that I'm free. romantic desperation is a sad thing to behold...just tell him you've met someone else
Rebellious Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 for OP: Very simple really, treat him like you would like to be treated. Or the way you'd like girls to treat your baby brother.
amerikajin Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I wouldn't set up a date to dump him. I'd rather be dumped over email or even text than in person... lol Yeah, just to be clear, I agree with this. I don't think it's necessary to arrange a face-to-face encounter unless you two have been really good friends that somehow turned into something more. I don't sense that's the case here. I think that it's better to do it over the phone or by text for a number of reasons. Heck, inviting him out for another date would only get his hopes up, only to crush them in person. Not necessary. But he needs to know something at least. Phone or text.
Author Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Well, he went away for a while... obviating the need to say/do anything. But he just popped up again and asked me out again. So I bit the bullet and let him know. Ugh, that sucks.
onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I've done this before. I chose to do it by phone a few days after the date. The key here is to keep smiling, even though you're on the phone. It sounds weird but it's kind of like a flirty-breakup. (Oxymoron, I know!) It makes the whole thing lighter. I asked him how he was. Then I told him that I was calling because I was wondering what he thought of something. Then I told him that I thought it'd be best if we didn't see each other. Awkward silence. I asked if he wanted to know why, and they almost always say yes, and [white lie about a situation you're in, or perhaps the truth, goes here]. Remember to keep that smile! That way you avoid the "it's not you it's me" line. If you weren't friends before, and you want to avoid the "Just want to be friends" line, you can keep it cool by saying "I don't want to be cheesy so I won't say 'let's just be friends,' because I'm sure you're not looking for a friend here." They usually say they want to be friends, unless they're bitter and just reply with a gruff "yeah." Ta-da.
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