likestolaugh Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 For some reason I feel like I have to be in constant conversation with a date from the moment it starts till the moment it ends (unless of course the date involves a movie or something like that). Now I know daily life isn't like that. There are quieter moments, etc... but on a date anytime there's a moment without speech it just feels awkward. Is this just me? I don't really enjoy feeling like we need to be constantly talking...
Geishawhelk Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 There's nothing wrong with silence, it's just that it feels embarassing, and you think it should be filled. It happens a lot. People think silences mean that things are stalling, and that they should try to be interesting. Remember the adages - they're well-known and true, for good reason: "Empty pitchers make most noise" and - "There was an owl lived in an oak, The more he learnt the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard why can't we all be like the wise old bird?" and - "Silence is Golden" And one I tell myself the whole time - STFU.
redfathom Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 I think someone who talks to much on a date would be annoying. I have a friend who talks A LOT when she is uncomfortable, which usually means anytime I bring her around someone she doesn't hang out with all the time, especially guys. And oh my does she talk, random nonsense sometimes even interuppting or changing the topic just to keep talking. I mean it's just too much for me to handle and I just can't fathom what the other people are thinking...especially the men. I told her she needs to try to relax because if she wants to start dating she is going to have a hard time of it.
prettybaby Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 I know exactly what you mean, and actually, I only get that feeling when I'm on a date with someone that I don't really know yet, or that I'm still in the process of getting to know. Silences are totally fine with people you already feel a bit more familiar with, but yeah, they tend to feel a little more awkward around new people, because neither person wants to come across as boring. It's perfectly normal though. Don't worry too much about it, it's bound to happen a few times at least. I usually bring up something totally random and casual if I notice it lasting a bit too long. Sure, people don't like people who talk too much. But they even dislike more people who make them feel uncomfortable (awkward silences really do suck for both parties involved). So being able to casually break those when they happen is a nice skill. Just make sure you don't turn into a talking machine. Let the other person come up with stuff to say, etc. PS: I think the attitude to avoid is talking nonstop in order to prevent silences from ever happening. That's a big mistake. Let them happen, and then break them if they take a bit too long and that the other person isn't acting on it.
Confusedalways Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 It's very true, I feel like I have to keep talking while first getting to know someone too. I actually have found the same thing true on AIM... people I don't generally speak with tend to keep asking me stupid questions to break up the silence. It isn't necessary in hindsight, but at the time it feels soo necessary. It definitely isn't just you, though.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 it's difficult for me, since I'm more of a quieter type anyway (hell, I'm half Finnish... if that means anything to any of you). The girl I'm seeing now seems to be one who doesn't talk all the time... I feel like I have to always bring the subjects up... I don't know if this is good or not... I want/don't want the silent moments all at once... :S
movingonandon Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 For some reason I feel like I have to be in constant conversation with a date from the moment it starts till the moment it ends (unless of course the date involves a movie or something like that). Now I know daily life isn't like that. There are quieter moments, etc... but on a date anytime there's a moment without speech it just feels awkward. Is this just me? I don't really enjoy feeling like we need to be constantly talking... Are you a guy? It's a common problem for inexperienced guys. The reason to feel this pressure is the thought (even uncounsiously) that you need to prove her that your company is worthwhile - big mistake! The first thing to remember is that it's not your job to keep her entertained. It's a mutual effort. Second, you need to be yourself. This advice is often misinterpreted as justification to not pay attention to what you do/say. No, that's not the point. The point is that you should be funny and witty, but not in ways that are unnatural for your personality. For example, if you have dry sense of humor - bust it out and don't worry how will she react. Don't try to make it an innocuous and cute sense of humor. Or, if you don't like a movie she likes - don't pretend that you do. Instead, challenge her (obviously, not by insulting her taste), etc., you get the idea. Finally, it really doesn't matter what you talk about - really, anything goes (unless its abortion or religion). It's just about relaxed banter that makes her comfortable enough to the point that the idea of making out with you becomes obvious in her head . i know i swore i will never quite "Swingers" again, but it didn't last --> So, ask questions, and then just nod, smile, curl your eyebrows, and somehow you'll end up as a big sweetie (even if you have no idea what she's talking about). (It's effective, but c'mon, you can do better than that )
Author likestolaugh Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 speaking of which, I really should watch Swingers again...
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