Why did he do this???

[Sexy Kitty]

Hey guys. Really need some advice here. Hope you can help.

 

I was "friends" with this guy for a year. We had never met in person but we were friends online and would talk almost everyday via instant messenges (IM). We met on a dating site and he was one of the guys I was going to go on a date with but then fell for another guy and ended up dating him for 9 months. The whole time I was dating the guy of 9 months me and "my friend" would talk on IM while we were at work. Just play scrabble online or talk about our relationships etc. He would also txt me at random too just making a joke about something or saying hi.

 

Well, in August of this year I broke up with the guy of 9 months. My "friend" had been with a girl for 3 months and then another for 5 months within that time I dated the guy for 9 months. I had a really hard time dealing with the break up as I really loved the guy I was with. I realize know though that it was for the best and that we are just too different.

 

About a month after I broke up with my ex I started to date again. Went out with a few guys but didnt really like them. My friend then suddenly became single from the girl he was with for 5 months and started asking me out. I knew he always liked me and I liked him too. I figured there was a reason we kept in touch all this time. We have alot in common and he always makes me laugh too. I was a bit scared though because we were friends so if we started to date and it didnt work out I knew things would be messed up. I took the chance though and we went on a date.

 

He asked me out again after that and I said yes. He knew I had been hurt by my ex because when I was going through that I would txt him or we would talk on msn about it. He said that he would never hurt me like my ex did and that he knows me well enough to know what I like and dont like etc...Within the first week of dating he wanted me to meet his family, sent me txts and online messages saying he was addicted to me and so happy that he finally got me, he sent me roses at work which I thought was so sweet and he put on his profile we were married. I liked his family and they liked me.

 

His aunt and uncle are like his "real" parents. His aunt told me that he is a real sweetheart and he really likes me. I told her I really liked him too. Then she said just be careful because he can hurt you. I didnt know what to think of that so I shrugged it off. I guess she was trying to warn me he didnt want anything serious and maybe I should have realized that seeing his past track record with girls. I guess I though with me it would be different. That I was the one for him.

 

Within the second week he wanted me to stay all weekend at his house. I did. He seemed to be moving fast but I figured he really liked me and if I really like a guy then I tend to also. He lived about 20 mins from me in the next city. I didnt really like where he lived. Not exactly a nice city or area so it kinda scared me a bit.

 

I realize now that maybe I shouldnt have told him I didnt like it there so much. Im sure it pissed him off and thats probably one of the reasons we are broken up now. He bought a new house there in August. The house was nice just the area I didnt like. He had asked if I would ever move there and I said I dont know. He then mentioned something about him fixing his house up and moving to where I live in the future. I liked the sound of that but after only dating a few weeks I figured it was just casual talk and nothing serious. Since he had recently bought his house he had told me he has a lot of renovations and fixing up with it he wants to do.

 

About a month into our relationship he rented a sander and said he was going to do is floors. He seemed very excited about this. First he said he wanted me with him all weekend while he did the floors with his friend but then when it was 2 days before he was going to start doing the job we went to dinner and he said that he would just get it all done and then pick me up sat nite. Little did I know this dinner would be the last. The weekend came and I didnt even hear from him much. Just the odd txt saying that it was a huge job he was doing and that he was excited etc...Not a miss u, love u or what you up too or anything. That hurt.

 

I called him sat during the day and said you didnt call me yesterday or today and he said he was pretty busy but that he would call me later. He didnt say anything about getting together that nite. I figured we still were though. He didnt call me sat nite and that upset me. I txt him and said I bet your out at some bar and he txt me back saying that he was not at a bar and exhausted and covered in dust and on zero sleep. Then he sent me a pic of his floors to my cell but I couldnt open the pic to see.

 

Then I get a txt at 2 am saying they were done the floors and he was happy cuz they looked good. I figured then sunday we would get together but he said he was busy and putting everything back in place. The whole weekend he was acting weird so I knew something was up. Crazy cuz before that he would always call me and everything was normal so I dont know how and why he suddenly changed. He said he would call sunday nite but didnt again.

 

I called him and he said he fell asleep.

 

He said he was sorry for how he acted all weekend but that when he gets into a job around the house hes totally focused on that. I was mad so didnt talk much and then just hung up. The next day (monday) he hid on IM and I tried calling him but he wouldnt answer. I was wondering what was up and worried. Then, Tuesday came around and he talked to me on IM. Saying that yesterday was his thinking day and he didnt want to talk that day.

 

He said that my comments about his city upset him and that if I will never move there then no point being together. Im sorry but after 1 month of dating that is asking me way too soon. Then he said that hes very independent and wants to fix up his house and do his own thing. He said he can't give me 100% so its not fair to me. Okay, I have never heard of a guy saying that. If he wants to do his own thing and fix his house up then I have no problem doing my own thing. That shouldnt mean you cant be in a relationship still! If you really love someone you dont break up with them over that!

 

He told me that hes not ready for a relationship right now but when hes ready if I would have the heart to forgive him then he would want me back. He said he swears on his nana that is true and that he doesnt want anyone else. I believed him. I know his track record though and the whole time I was with my ex for 9 months he had 2 gf's and he left them both! I also remember an old IM convo we had back in march and when he broke up with his gf of 3 months he had said he thinks girls rush things with him and he breaks it off. That he gets scared to commit. I mentioned that to him and he says that he thought that then and not now and that he rushed things and I didnt. He thinks he rushed us. Well, if he knew he was rushing things and he knows it freaks himself out then why do that!? He's 30 and should have known better.

 

I told him that he should cut the BS and to just tell me Im not the girl for him and he said that I am the girl for him but hes just not ready. Uh, hes so confusing. He wouldnt talk on the phone or in person as he hates confrontation. So all I get is us talking over IM. So annoying! I also see hes on a dating site again and I txt him about it and he denies it. Says he hasnt been on that for months. Funny, it says the last day the person logged in. So, now I think hes a liar and he is trying to date so why did he tell me he didnt want anyone else and that he wants me when hes ready? Why not just tell me he doesnt and save us the trouble?

 

Well we have been broken up now a month and 1 week. He hasnt contacted me in about 2 weeks. Didnt even say merry xmas. He also took the marriage thing down on his online profile about 2 weeks ago too. Why did he do this and what does this all mean? Should I delete him from my online profile and move on? Do you think he will ever talk to me again?

 

Any advice would be great! Thanks guys!

[Geishawhelk]

You should have asked his aunt to be more forthcoming.

Now you know what she meant.

Unless you put him on a pedestal and do what he wants, he doesn't want to play.

Move on.

Live for now, because he's a 'has-been'.

[Sexy Kitty]

I was amazed his aunt said that to me. When I told him she said that he said not to listen to her. That she doesnt know what shes talking about. It made me a bit paranoid after that but assured me that I had nothing to worry about and that he loved me. He is very close with his aunt. She is like a mother to him. Your right though, that was a sign right there.

[Sexy Kitty]

anyone else?

 

i wish i could just stop thinking about him.

[hereandnow]

I still think about my ex gf a lot too and it's been 2 months. I wish I had the answer to getting her out of my head!

 

If your relationship went the way it did so fast, and knowing the guy's track record, what makes you think it could ever be any different? I know it's hard to take the blinders off in these situations, but I'm sure there's someone much better for you out there. Someone who will really want to be with you.

 

How long did ya'll date, 2 weeks?

[Sexy Kitty]

We were together a month. Not long at all. But we were friends online talking daily for about a year. Didnt think he was into playing games at all. I just wish he hadnt said I love you and all that. Really no point if you dont feel it and also I wonder what was the rush in him saying it so soon. Before him I dated someone 9 months and it wasnt until this guy that I got over the ex of 9 months. Now, all I want is this guy. I don't even think about my ex anymore. So, I guess it's gonna take me finding another guy who Im crazy about until I get over him.

 

Thanks for the reply