jason83 Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 Hey everyone! So I really have been working on making a personal change over the last month or so.....over-analyzing. I don't know why I do it but I feel like I should look at every angle of a situation and then question people to see how I can change it. This is what I did to my girlfriend every time that we had an issue. Even if she just seemed a little distant one day because she was having one of those days, I kept asking "Why? Is it something I did? You know I love you. Is there anything I can do to help?" Annoying, annoying, annoying! I don't know how she put up with it for so long! Which actually we're not officially together right now but still talking off and on. She says she loves me and I feel this is one of the things that pushed her away. I'm trying to just "give it up". I'm trying to make the decision that it's not up to me to fix everything. That sometimes we have bad days or bad times...and that's ok. I can't fix it all. It's not my job. Sometimes I just have to let things be. Anyone else struggle with this or have any feedback to help?
kizik Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Yes, try not to give a f*ck about anybody but yourself. Stop asking questions and stop worrying about anyone, anyone, anyone except for you. See, you're essentially describing yourself as a whiny, needy b*tch. Now, I am not saying you are one, but that's what you're describing. As far as over-analyzing, it's not the analyzing that's the problem, it's the talking. So talk less. Watch your ex's reaction to your new approach. She will be wetting herself like a toddler.
Author jason83 Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 Wow...thank you for the tough love. I do sound like a whiney b*tch!
LovieDove24 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yes I too struggle with over-analyzing. When its been a day with no word from my significant other I go the opposite direction and immediatley shut down. I tell myself "Fine if they're going to cut me off, I'll do the same to them." Obviously not healthy either. At least I know where my over-analyzing stems from. I'm a people pleaser to the core and I always take things personally. I don't believe that going "cold turkey" is the answer but instead trying to tell myself that "it'll be ok no matter what the outcome" helps me some. I always have myself after all.
Author jason83 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Well, I have thought on this a lot and feel as though I've already taken steps in the right direction. My ex and I are talking again and she even made mention today that she has noticed such a positive change in such a short time....and that it makes her miss me even more. The "I love you" words even came from her today. Wow! Maybe this was one of the big complications between the two of us. We're spending New Years together tomorrow so here's hoping it works out! I just keep telling myself to take care of me and stop worrying about the rest....it'll fall into place
Meaplus3 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Hi Jason, Yes.. I tend to over analyze things alot myself. I have learned that in most cases it's not neccesary. I have realized that I can't make everyone in my life happy all the time and that's ok. I'm becoming so much more laid back as a result of letting go. You can too. Just takes a little getting used to. Good luck. Mea:)
GoneButNotForgotten Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I know the feeling and I struggle with a similar problem. I have to know the best course of action at all times. The problem with that is you can't know the best unless you know all the angles. After a while I realized that you have to take life as it comes, The past is the past, the present is ****ed up, and the future will always be there.
saltydude Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 hi jason, i'm not sure what kind of over analysis you have. i've used to overthink many situations due to a lack of confidence. Did that person do that because he does not like me?? Why does people behave cold to me? Is there something wrong with me? But I have read books and self analysed and, realised that over thinking actually is killing my confidence. To overcome, i've try to forget and erase bad thoughts and experiences and keep trying to reinforce the positive ones. And try to be bolder and bolder and be funner and funner. So my confidence has been starting to grow. Another thing to do is to keep repeating the positive experiences to make those increase in their number Whatever negative thoughts or behaviours you have, think of the possible positive/opposite ways you can behave and do not do that negative reaction but stop yourself and behave the opposite.!
JamesM Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 It is all about the lack of confidence you have in yourself. It is also about the insecurity of thinking that your gf still love s you....hence lack of confidence in yourself. Only you can "cure" yourself of this problem. How? That is the question. Google books on confidence and how to build it. The other possibility is that if this "over analyzing" began with your gf, then it is because either it is your first relationship or she brings out the worst in you. This would also be something to consider. If it is her, then you are better off without her. If it is because of a lack of relationship experience, then with time it should get better.
NicolaiLarsen Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 If you want to get rid of the habit, then place a note or something inspiring to overcome the habit a place where you will see it often, like in your bedroom, at your office and bathroom. You can say it loud to yourself, read it to yourself and when you have done this to a habit you will be fully aware of your destructive habit whenever it occur. But don't let the note sound all bad, maybe start with: I don't want to analize life And then finish with something like: I rather want to live in the present moment and enjoy positive feelings with my girlfriend/friends/family.
Justmike101 Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 I am one of those over-analyers. THis thread makes me know im not alone. I am good looking and educated. I have good personality and have good friends. yet I am constantly stressed out because I KEEP ALL MY FOCUS ON MYSELF. When we keep our thoughts on all the little decisions we make and what we need to do to improve all the time, you will be stressed out and you will begin to see more and more flaws in yourself. You just gotta drop it and realize u need to just live in the present. I am preaching to myself. Next time you begin to analyze your break up after 6 months, you know it's not the break up but you. Get it together. Live for the moment and enjoy it now.
nana yaw II Posted January 31, 2009 Posted January 31, 2009 Hey everyone! So I really have been working on making a personal change over the last month or so.....over-analyzing. I don't know why I do it but I feel like I should look at every angle of a situation and then question people to see how I can change it. This is what I did to my girlfriend every time that we had an issue. Even if she just seemed a little distant one day because she was having one of those days, I kept asking "Why? Is it something I did? You know I love you. Is there anything I can do to help?" Annoying, annoying, annoying! I don't know how she put up with it for so long! Which actually we're not officially together right now but still talking off and on. She says she loves me and I feel this is one of the things that pushed her away. I'm trying to just "give it up". I'm trying to make the decision that it's not up to me to fix everything. That sometimes we have bad days or bad times...and that's ok. I can't fix it all. It's not my job. Sometimes I just have to let things be. Anyone else struggle with this or have any feedback to help? It could be anything that's bothering her. And not necessarily anything you have done. I think people are ultimately responsible for their own thoughts and emotions. It's not my job or duty to take responsibility for others' feelings around me. After all part of being a grown adult is knowing how to process and deal with emotions. I'm responsible for me, and no one else, since i don't owe anybody else anything and they don't owe me anything.
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