Do You Believe?

[saturnfell]

I recently spent some time with someone who in the past was near and dear to my heart. It felt so natural to be spending time together again. It felt as though we were only out of one anothers lives for a short time (it's been years) Do you believe in fate? Destiny?

[inulg]

i used to, now i'm not sure.... but alot of things have been happening in the past few days that have led me to think maybe things do happen for a reason? (like when someone leaves you so you can find who you're really supposed to be with) not sure, i'll let you know in a few more days if whats going on is real!!!....

[roghornio]

If you believe in fate/destiny then that means your life is in some way pre determined. I'm not so sure i like the thought of that... I would like to think i have complete control of my life and it's future. Otherwise really all we are doing is playing out some elaborate theater. If that's the case some people have some really ****ty roles in that play

 

So in answer... I hope there is no such thing.

[BikerBeagle]

I don't believe in fate/destiny for the reasons that roghornio stated. I hate the thought that my life is predetermined, that every choice I make has already been made for me, and that I'm simply acting out some elaborate cosmic storyline. If that were the case, I'd like to meet the entity writing the stories ...and beat the crap out of him/her.

[saturnfell]

I saw my ex for the first time in three years. I have a rule that I've always stood by: I don't talk to people I was once involved with. I do not see a point, and I don't believe in friendship after a relationship. It is too difficult to see the other person walk through life and grow with someone else. So, I always cut off communication.

 

However, over the past three years he has attempted to contact me, and each time I have not answered. I will admit I do think about him from time to time or have some random dream, but it's been ok. Recently though, I've had a nagging feeling to speak with him. So, I contacted him. He was very surprised and happy. We got together this past weekend. I never thought I would see this man again, not in a million years. It felt natural to be with him, there was no looming akwardness... it felt right. We both agreed it felt very natural and normal; which to me is downright crazy because again, I don't talk to people I was once involved with!

 

He said there were things we never talked about, and to be honest, I don't want to dig up the past. It happened, we're older and better for it (late 20's now!), we know the mistakes we've made. He brought it up a few times, and I moved the conversation on from it just fine. We were fine. I feel badly though, I feel like I shut aspects of our conversation down. I feel as though in a way he feels I don't care because I didn't want to rehash the past. I say this because we spoke the other day, and he said he doesn't want to talk about the past. He said if we're going to do this, then we shouldn't go backwards (I don't even know what "this" is) He says he's been thinking about me each day for the past 48 months, that he doesn't think about anyone else but me, that no one else compares. I feel as though he's looking for feelings and emotions from me, but honestly, I can't have that type of conversation with him right now, that would take time. He's the type who won't outwardly admit a feeling unless he knows it's safe, and there's no way he will sound out of line or be hurt.

 

In a way, i'm nervous. I'm nervous because he was such a huge part of my life before and I don't know what this all means or is. I want to take it slow, very slow.

 

In my mind, I feel there's a reason for this; however when I speak I say there's no point. I can't open myself up right away to all of this. I loved this man and when he left three years ago, time stopped. I was young and in love. I had moved to another city so we could be closer to one another (one thing we agreed on was that the timing wasn't right for us years ago and things would be different now given our situations) Another fear, I fear his friends will knock this idea down... as a friend who would look out for my best friends interest, i'm sure they would look out for his and tell him it couldn't work.

 

I would like to see where it goes, I think. I can tell you, I felt emotion towards him.

 

Opinions, please?

[EmperorR]

I believe that everything happens for a reason you just can't see it now.

[TeaAbraham]

Don't believe in destiny. Tell a starving kid in africa that that was their destiny.

 

In relationship terms though, I think that's how everybody likes to think about it. That they finally found "the one" they were always supposed to meet. Strengthens the relationship I guess. Would be pretty sh*tty to think that the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with isn't "the one."

 

You should probably let him know how you feel saturn. Seems like he has lots of feelings for you, so he will appreciate you wanting to just test the waters slowly. Be completely honest though. Don't leave anything out.

[saturnfell]

This is so hard for me.

 

I would love to tell him how I feel. That would be wonderful, but honestly... I'm scared to death. I don't want to come on strong, I want to take it slow. Since this is the first time we've talked in 3 years, I don't want him to think I've been pining over him all this time because that is not the truth at all and I fear talking about things will make him feel that way. The last thing I want is to lose the upper hand in the situation. I don't know how to present the issue at all either. Any suggestions on how to present this? I feel stuck.

 

Although I know he cares... I have this never ending fear we won't speak again. I think it's normal and I think I'm being overly protective of myself so I don't get hurt.

 

Is it normal that someone would still think of someone so much and in so much detail after 3 years? What's your take on it? Guidance please?

[MWH]

I don't really subscribe to the notion of fate and destiny. 44 years of living has kinda shown me that anything is possible be it good, bad, or indifferent.

 

I also believe that there are many potentially "perfect partners" out there for each and every one of us lost slouls.

 

Yep- I REALLY believe that. In fact I'll remind myself of that fact when the day comes that I miss my ex. And if I don't maybe one of you good people will do it for me?

 

Thanks in advance!

 

Peace,

MWH

[saturnfell]

Ok, so now i'm beginning to think that us having connected again is a mistake if no one thinks there is a reason behind it. Sad.

[PinkToes]

Hey saturn, personally I don't think it was a mistake; I do think there is a reason why the two of you have reconnected. It may or may not be because you are destined to be together forever; it may be something else entirely.

 

But whatever the reason, I think you owe it to yourself to play it out and see what happens. Be as honest as you can with him, even if you feel you might lose the upper hand. If you have do a future together, you have more to gain by being honest right from the start.

 

Love is always a risk, but unless you take that risk and follow your heart, you may miss an opportunity for something amazing. Trust that you will be OK, no matter how this turns out. And try not to think too much (easier said than done, for me!). I do believe that if you are meant to be together, you will be together.

[ioncebelieved]

I sure would hate knowing that my life was pre-determined for me considering it has kind of sucked this year! I am like others feeling like my ex come into my life for a reason....unfortunately I do not have the answer to why yet!

 

2009 is what I am really holding out for anyways. At least I keep telling myself that as it cannot be as bad this one has been! Come to think of it, 2007 was not all that hot either.

[skinman]

well saturnfell,

 

If you asked me this 3 months ago i would have said yes... You see me and my STBXW. dated 20 something years ago while she was in high school.. well i wasnt ready for a relationship at the time and we split up... I met my frist wife and we never saw each other again... She married another guy and spent 6 or 7 years with him.. my first marriage lasted only a couple...

 

fast forward to 16 years ago.. well she called me up out of the blue to say hello. we hit it off like it was when we were dating..... ended up living together for a few years and then marrying....... Well that lasted almot 16 years until she kicked me out in October of this year........ See the thread "She asked for space and I gave it to her" well this woman was my world... I would have died for her only to find out that she was having an affair and since that day she has made my life Hell..... I guess the point is there is some sort of fate involved but you have to remeber the lord has plans for all of us...... sometime the plans dont agree with what we want he brought my wife back into my life knowing that as a result we would be blessed with a beautiful daughter and I would be the surrogate father to her daugher rasing her as my own... While her own father abandoned her...

 

So to answer your question Yes i do belive in fate !!! but I also belive that people come into our lives just when we need them and they leave when they have done their purpose.... I am broken hearted over my wifes affair and leaving me but I know in the big picture of things that she served her purpose and it was time for her to leave....... this was a lesson to me and i have learned what it will take when that special once in a lifetime person does show up..........

 

If you believe in fate go for it !!! what do you have to lose.... show him the love and respect that we all deserve !!!

[EmperorR]

well saturnfell,

 

If you asked me this 3 months ago i would have said yes... You see me and my STBXW. dated 20 something years ago while she was in high school.. well i wasnt ready for a relationship at the time and we split up... I met my frist wife and we never saw each other again... She married another guy and spent 6 or 7 years with him.. my first marriage lasted only a couple...

 

fast forward to 16 years ago.. well she called me up out of the blue to say hello. we hit it off like it was when we were dating..... ended up living together for a few years and then marrying....... Well that lasted almot 16 years until she kicked me out in October of this year........ See the thread "She asked for space and I gave it to her" well this woman was my world... I would have died for her only to find out that she was having an affair and since that day she has made my life Hell..... I guess the point is there is some sort of fate involved but you have to remeber the lord has plans for all of us...... sometime the plans dont agree with what we want he brought my wife back into my life knowing that as a result we would be blessed with a beautiful daughter and I would be the surrogate father to her daugher rasing her as my own... While her own father abandoned her...

 

So to answer your question Yes i do belive in fate !!! but I also belive that people come into our lives just when we need them and they leave when they have done their purpose.... I am broken hearted over my wifes affair and leaving me but I know in the big picture of things that she served her purpose and it was time for her to leave....... this was a lesson to me and i have learned what it will take when that special once in a lifetime person does show up..........

 

If you believe in fate go for it !!! what do you have to lose.... show him the love and respect that we all deserve !!!

 

I read your long thread over in separation and divorce, I feel it for you, but I admire your strength, your a very very strong individual.

[skinman]

I read your long thread over in separation and divorce, I feel it for you, but I admire your strength, your a very very strong individual.

 

Thank you EmperorR,

I am not as strong as you think friend but i do have faith that the lord has a better plan for me... Sorry saturnfell I did not mean to hijack your thread... I wish you the best and hope your situation work out...

[saturnfell]

I don't know: looking back, I remember all the hurt and I'm so afraid of feeling that again. The only question I asked him when I saw him last was if he still cared, of course he answered yes. I just don't see how he can, and he knows I am very weary of believing that he does. I'm afraid he's changed his mind about seeing me when he gets back. I mean look, I'm all tongue tied writing a post about my entire situation. I do understand our lives have been separate for so long that we cannot just jump back into one anothers lives. He told one of his good friends about our seeing one another and he tried to disuade him from going through with it. He said it would toy with him.

 

I'm going out with one of his good friends tomorrow night who I also haven't seen for three years until recently. I'm looking forward to seeing him and having a good time. I just don't want to bring it up. I want to know what (we'll call him Mr. Green) is thinking, but I don't want to seem anxious.

 

I keep trying to tell myself, he's just another person, he's the one who's been trying to contact me all these years, he's the one who wore his heart on his sleeve when I saw him, he's the one who said all the things regarding his thoughts, etc. That wasn't me. Somehow I feel like the one who was all mooshy when that isn't the case at all. In a way I feel like he saw me and is done with me; although I know that truly isn't the case either.

 

This is so insane! Until last week I was over this. I didn't even consider feelings for this man. I was all set. I was living happily going about my business, and OMG here I am back in crummyville wondering what's going to happen next. I think i'm going to make myself crazy.

[skinman]

Saturnfell,

 

go with your heart... what does it tell you to do... Trust it and let it lead you.... You dont want to think back in 10 years and wonder what if ???

you read my post to your thread.... knowing now how it turned out... I would not have done anything different.... I would have still done what I did... at the time it was the right thing and I let my heart lead the way........ You need to have faith... You may not be a religous person and that is fine... I wasnt much either until all this happened but I do belive in my heart that there is someone or something that is leading us along in this life ... of cousre we will make mistake we are human... but when we need his help he will be there..........

 

have faith that you are right where you are supposed to be...

[motive2002]

If fate and destiny really exist, it's not without a ****ing cruel sense of humor.

[roghornio]

I also believe that there are many potentially "perfect partners" out there for each and every one of us lost slouls.

 

Of course there are many.

 

What do you think the odds would be on the majority of people born today, yesterday, last year, a hundred years ago and so on being born within a few miles of the "one" they were going to spend their life with.

 

If you take away the magic of love all it boils down to is selecting a suitable partner to have children with... You may feel like you're with or have been with "the one", but you are more than capable of having those feelings again for someone else. It happens every minute of every day - people fall in love, people fall out of love.

 

As someone else said in this post - if you are prepared to gamble having your heart broken again Versus being with this person then go for it. Is the potential heart ache worth the risk? Life is too short to hold back and have regrets. If you get the feeling he is still interested then go for it. He may be thinking exactly the same as you... How you approach it is up to you, but why not ask him if he wants to catch up over dinner or go for a drink... see how it goes. BUT as i say, you have to be prepared for the consequences if you have misread the situation.

 

Good luck.

[saturnfell]

He'll be back in town next week, we're supposed to get together. I'm just all nerves. On one end of the spectrum I want to see where it goes (he meant a lot to me and seeing him was better than I could have imaged, but then again I didn't think I would ever see him again, so that makes total sense) On the other end of the spectrum, my running shoes are on, but I haven't tied the laces. I'm ready to run for the hills. He made a statement about not being able to "read me" Well, excuse me but I don't know what the F is going through your damn mind right... now, right now! Ugh, it's so terrible. I'm just glad each of you share your honest opinions, there's comfort in it. FYI... I hate relationships, I hate games (even if I win!) Thank you.

[saturnfell]

Of course there are many.

 

What do you think the odds would be on the majority of people born today, yesterday, last year, a hundred years ago and so on being born within a few miles of the "one" they were going to spend their life with.

 

If you take away the magic of love all it boils down to is selecting a suitable partner to have children with... You may feel like you're with or have been with "the one", but you are more than capable of having those feelings again for someone else. It happens every minute of every day - people fall in love, people fall out of love.

 

As someone else said in this post - if you are prepared to gamble having your heart broken again Versus being with this person then go for it. Is the potential heart ache worth the risk? Life is too short to hold back and have regrets. If you get the feeling he is still interested then go for it. He may be thinking exactly the same as you... How you approach it is up to you, but why not ask him if he wants to catch up over dinner or go for a drink... see how it goes. BUT as i say, you have to be prepared for the consequences if you have misread the situation.

 

Good luck.

 

I absolutely agree, yes. I was actually thinking about it today and since we've been apart I've dated casually once and had two relationships. He has been in one relationship since the breakup.

 

I keep thinking about all the things I should have said and didn't, but it's ok. If I'm meant to be given another chance to see him, I'll have it. I think life has proven that to me already.