inthegarage Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I was with an amazing girl for 3.5 years. We traveled together, we lived a couple blocks from each other....I came over almost every night and she fell asleep in my arms. We hardly ever argued but their was issues here and there. Some things that i lacked in the relationship were, 1. Lack of eye contact and intense gazing 2. Compliments 3. Romance/ Suprises 4. Being selfish Which are pretty horrible since they are such basic things. Anyway during our relationship...probably after 2 years she started having doubts in her mind, and they would make her act differently towards me. So I would ask her and beg her to tell me, and they usually would come out as she never really felt "crazy" about me. But she loved me very much. And i would calm her down and reassure her of things and thing went back to normal. I had no idea how bad this really was because i really wasn't changing anything. They same feelings occurred a couple more times and once again i would talk her down and we would continue on as nothing had happened. Well I guess at the beginning of this month she had a nuclear bomb of these feelings and called me over and she said we needed a "break". She was crying and said it should last a week. I said ok and left.....Well it didn't last long because she called me 2 days later and told me about her day. Then we had lunch 5 days later and she tells me that half of her wants to continue the relationship because i'm everything she wants, and the other half wants to move on. She later said that i would find someone 'better' and kind of broke it off at that moment. After that I did the typical begging, emailing, and other ****...until i realized it was just making things worse. So I took a different attitude and called her up saying, 'this is probably the best thing that could happen to us because i have realized what i really lost here, and all the things i have to change to make you happy'. And i started naming the things that I wasn't doing and selfish things i have done and she agreed with me and started adding to the list. At the end of the call I said we should have NO CONTACT till next year, and during the time i will work on changing my ways and that we should try it again. She said OK, and told me if she gets those feelings again that it definetly wasn't meant to be and that we should be friends. So I agreed.. And during this time I have done nothing but read books and have seen a ton of stuff i should have been doing and overall really feel like a changed person. The only thing that really bothers me during our break....is that she deleted all the pictures of me off her myspace.......yet she still has listed "in a relationship".... So I just want anyone take on how this will potentially work and/or your thoughts on how I handled this. I really want to make this work and I can see how I can.
saturnfell Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 How long have you been on a break so far?
Author inthegarage Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 How long have you been on a break so far? Since the beginning of December, NC started Dec. 9th I told her we should only start seeing and talking next year
paperchase Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 It sounds like you convinced her to give it another go which generally isn't a good think. She tentatively agreed, but is already hedging her bets by saying if it doesn't work, she'd like to remain friends. I'm don't want to dash your hopes but if she's ambivalent, that's not good. I'd feel much better if she really wanted to make it work and was optimistic about your chances. Do you really believe her stated reasons for the break-up? Women generally never divulge those, assume they really know themselves. When a woman loves you, the lack of eye contact you mention will pull her closer, make her chase you more. They type of excuses she gave you sound like cop-outs. Something in her heart is different and she is grasping at straws as to what it is. I say all this because I don't want you to get hurt. Say you call her in the new year and suddenly become romeo, but she just doesn't reciprocate the way you want. You will be very hurt. You may feel like you really blew it with the woman of your dreams by your past actions. Don't feel that way. Don't let her put that guilt on your shoulders. If she really wants you back, and it was just a matter of affection, then she'd want to jump in head first at a reconcilliation if she believes you are sincere about change. Lastly, there's the possibility that she grew apart from you during the time you lacked what she was looking for. If that's the case, it's soooo hard to rekindle the love. Just remember, she could have grown apart from you for entirely different reasons that what she's saying. This could have happened no matter what you did.
saturnfell Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 Ok, I think I initially misunderstood. I thought you were taking a break for one year, a whole calendar year. But in fact you're not speaking until January, correct? If you said you needed some time, then you should be taking time. Think about everything from beginning to end. Don't worry about how someone else is feeling. You may find that during this time away you don't want to talk with her again.
Author inthegarage Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 It sounds like you convinced her to give it another go which generally isn't a good think. She tentatively agreed, but is already hedging her bets by saying if it doesn't work, she'd like to remain friends. I'm don't want to dash your hopes but if she's ambivalent, that's not good. I'd feel much better if she really wanted to make it work and was optimistic about your chances. Do you really believe her stated reasons for the break-up? Women generally never divulge those, assume they really know themselves. When a woman loves you, the lack of eye contact you mention will pull her closer, make her chase you more. They type of excuses she gave you sound like cop-outs. Something in her heart is different and she is grasping at straws as to what it is. I say all this because I don't want you to get hurt. Say you call her in the new year and suddenly become romeo, but she just doesn't reciprocate the way you want. You will be very hurt. You may feel like you really blew it with the woman of your dreams by your past actions. Don't feel that way. Don't let her put that guilt on your shoulders. If she really wants you back, and it was just a matter of affection, then she'd want to jump in head first at a reconcilliation if she believes you are sincere about change. Lastly, there's the possibility that she grew apart from you during the time you lacked what she was looking for. If that's the case, it's soooo hard to rekindle the love. Just remember, she could have grown apart from you for entirely different reasons that what she's saying. This could have happened no matter what you did. I appreciate your post, and no I don't entirely believe those are the reasons I think some of had to do with her being religious, and I'm not religious at all. But I really want to start going to Church and to learn the Bible. Another thing would her thinking I have a dislike for little kids, I did some pretty selfish things and tried not to include her littles nephews a couple times when she wanted to drag them along. I think through this time I really have gotten over that. She told me during the day she broke it off that she thinks her problem is that she's always dated guys she want's to 'change'. I quite simply she always told me about being more romantic and watching movies and learnings things about it. I've finally realized the man I want to be to her, but I hope it isn't too late
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