starzphalling Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I'm not sure if this belongs in here or the LTR forum, so if i miss-posted :::sorry::: here's the story: I have been friends with this guy for almost 3 years, 3 or 4 months ago, we started talking about some things, and apparently we had been attracted to one another for a while. So we kinda went with it, and started dating. He's pretty much across the country from me, I went to see him a few weeks ago, and it was great, I came back and it was great. Recently I got word that I got into a college near him (3 hours away or so). Yes I applied to schools that would be less than a day or two's drive, but I did it with my major and me in mind. I didn't just blindly apply to a school to be near him (there are other schools closer, but they didn't suit me). Today I get a message from him that he "may not be ready for me to move down there, and been having mixed feelings" I told him that if he's scared or has concerns that I'm here and glad to talk, otherwise I would just leave him alone until I hear from him. Now I guess my question is, am i handling this well, are we still together, is this a break, is he just scared about it going faster than he wants, will he talk to me about this eventually, how long does it take to figure things out, and about a million other things that have been going through my head. I didn't want to press him for answers, so I didn't...I think I may just be looking for hope that things will be ok, and he really did mean that he just needs to think about things and work it out in his own head, and not the "i'm saying this because it sounds nicer than i never want to see you again." Another important thing to mention is I am 8 years older than him (and no he's not 10, I had some hard times and am going back to school a little late). The other biggie is, when/if he contacts me how do I let him know that I won't let him stop me from going to school, so I'm moving there regardless - but don't want to endanger the relationship. If it comes down to it and I have to choose, school wins, but how do I keep it from becoming that? (oh and by the way, I have to be at the campus in 2 weeks or less). I don't have any close friends to talk to, and once I made the mistake of letting my crazy leak out when one of my ex's gave me the "i need some time" thing...so I vowed to listen this time, and do my own things until I hear from him, and not go all spazzy and let everything in my head lose on him I love him, and up until 2 days ago he said he loved me (he didn't tell me he doesn't, just hasn't said it) - so I will respect him and let him be..and I will respect you guys and end this post, because if I don't I will just keep on rambling
FeedingOnFever Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I think you've handled this situation beautifully so far. Perhaps your guy feels that you moving closer to him really WAS a decision made solely for him, and not with you and your major in mind. When it comes time for talking to him, make sure that you do tell him that you do like the school, and it's not JUST for him that you're over there. He might be feeling pressure in that sense. So far I don't think there's a concrete reason to think that it's super, totally, absolutely over. From what he's said, he need to think, so he probably hasn't made a decision yet. Giving him space is the best thing to do, and is very admirable on your part. Question though... did you guys set up a timeframe for when to next talk about your relationship and where you both are at? Or is it really open-ended? Because I do think you deserve to be able to know what he's thinking at some point sooner rather than later.
Author starzphalling Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 as of right now it is completely open ended. when i replied to him i wasn't really thinking lol. it was more of a complete state of shock of....where in the crap did this come from?
Confusedalways Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I think so far so good. It doesn't sound like he's breaking up with you, just getting cold (ish) feet. What I would do if I were in your shoes is just calmly explain that you are moving there regardless but you'll maintain space / not jump right into seeing each other every day for 10 hours a day, or whatever (obviously an exaggeration, but you get the point). PP does have a point, you DO deserve to know this type of stuff, definitely sooner rather than later. Since you're going down there in 2 weeks, I would probably tell myself i'd give him a week, and then break down around the 5 day mark . At that point i'd tread pretty lightly... you need to know what's going on. So far, well played!
Author starzphalling Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 on the plus side at least this came at a semi-good time, yes it did completely **** christmas, but well i've pretty much hated the holidays for 5 years now but with having to move at least I have a lot of cleaning to do, because I need something to take my mind off of this. Thanx for the replies, keep em coming, helps me feel sane . Back to the cleaning... oh and one other thing, I told him it would only be maybe one or two times a week we'd be able to see each other. He's going to be almost three hours away, he works pretty much full time, and I'm a pre-med major with a psych minor..so time will not be something to be had, until vacations and such. So while it gives us the opportunity to actually act on those "I have to see you" feelings, its not like im moving in with him by force, im just moving 20 hours closer. gah...must clean...
Author starzphalling Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 soo...after reading through all these posts on here more my problems seem quite trivial....but im just self absorbed enough to keep asking questions due to the non-specificness of this "time to himself" or w/e, i don't know what to call it, anywho....he sent me a "Merry Christmas" text, so I, in the fashion of politeness sent a "Thx u too"....is that a no bueno move, or are responses like that not breaking the invisible rules?
Author starzphalling Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 Ok, second full day of not talking to him...everything is clean I am out of things to do, and am feeling like i'm going to break and call...how do you keep from breaking down..I figured first step was posting on here, next step flush the phone down the toilet? how do you remain strong, and resist those urges to hear their voice? (and yes in case anyone is wondering, when i am uncomfortable/upset i default to humor, to try to mentally make things less serious)
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