ginsane Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 i never knew i could feel this way. my ex fiance and i have been broken up for about a week now. 2 years together, living together for over a year. he broke up with me for the "bachelor experience", things weren't the same..blah blah blah. he always texts, and calls. he says he wants to be friends, he's confused and he can't not have me in his life. we had coffee last night, and he cried a lot. today i find about his new "friend". she looks a lot like me, they started hooking up MAYBE 2 days after we broke up. even better, she has a kid. i know that things will never be the same, and i need this to find out how strong i really am in life... but how do i end the ripping feeling? or the way i feel empty, and not so whole? also...i'm pretty positive that i'm done with relationships. i never want to do this again. then there's the whole thought that keeps playing in my mind "i wasn't worth fighting for".
againstallodds Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 The thing you can do to ease the pain is do not talk to him when he call. No contact at all. Don't try to find out about him it will only hurt more. Keep yourself busy and workout (natural antidepressant) it will help ease the pain. Come here and write what you feel instead of contact him and help others will help too.
johan Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 Hey, ginsane. I feel for you. The only way I know of to make the feeling go away is to come to terms with what happened and let time do its job. And you're not being fair to yourself by repeating the thought that you weren't worth fighting for. Don't evaluate yourself through his eyes. He may be incapable of actually fighting for anyone at all. And you only want someone who has it in his heart to do the fighting. It just wasn't him. And he's irrelevant. You do need to cut off contact with him now if you are wanting the bad feelings to go away as soon as possible. Be good to yourself, and you'll be able to give another guy a chance to be the right guy.
Weezy Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I know your hurting, but your in a great place all things considered. I PROMISE if you cut off all contact, and don't return his calls, he's gonna come running back to you. The fact that he's already soo torn shows me that he will waffle like a house of cards if you take the approach of F U, you broke up with me, your loss, I'm done talking to you. I know it's the hardest thing in the world, but if you can ignore is phone calls and text messages, he will come running back, and you will feel SOOO much better when he is begging for you back, and you will be able to decide what to do. This other person is new and exciting right now, but wait till he feels the pain of losing you like your feeling now.. Please Please go NC right now!
johan Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I PROMISE if you cut off all contact, and don't return his calls, he's gonna come running back to you. You may be right, but I honestly don't think that's for the best. He should be running to her now. It shouldn't take the threat of loss to bring him to his senses. If he does come back, it won't be easy to tell whether it's his heart or his ego that's making him want back in. I'd be surprised if her heart would allow him to come back anyway. It's not easy to trust someone after something like this happens.
saturnfell Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 I would take some time for yourself right now. You're probably feeling a million different emotions. You need to evaluate things, and honestly, taking a few days away from speaking with him (in any form) won't hurt anything. Think about you, how things are making you feel and what his choice of actions have led to. Think about this: wouldn't you rather know now than have found out when you were married? Think about everything additional that would have gone into that. If this man isn't sure, it's ok. Sometimes people need time to figure things out, but don't put the burden and guilt on your shoulders because that's not right or fair to you. Take a few days for yourself. You're not the only one who has thinking to do. He's fooling himself if he's jumped back into a relationship and hasn't given himself time to think about his actions.
Author ginsane Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 thank you all so much. it's been rough. i might have taken a butcher knife to things I'd bought him..... it helped for the moment. also, today I got a gym membership, tanning package, hair cut and dye. So, i'm hoping to become obsessed with working out. instead of being sad, angry, or depressed i hope to work out. easier said than done though... it's hard. we've talked slightly. mostly angry texts. he hasn't been back to our old place yet and seen my handy work... but, i hope his new female can buy him everything like i did. sunday morning he'll be getting his things, and i'll be getting rid of my cell. after that, strict NC. definitely the best way to go about it. i hope to run across him in a month or so after 20 pounds are gone, and i'm dark. =]
jc Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I know exactly how you're feeling...I've been wondering the same thing for the past 3 weeks: Is it actually possible that I could die of this? Sometimes I think it's possible, that's how painful this is. But then I have moments, even 2 hours tonight where I've felt that this is really for the best. That I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I think your ex may be having cold feet...but his new 'friend' really complicates the situation. If it was just cold feet and he needed to time to think about things, that would be a lot easier to forgive if he came back. But do you think you could forgive and trust him again after he has started hanging out with someone else already. I know that this may be a painful thought (and I'm sorry!), but are you sure that he only started hanging out with her 2 days after you broke up? Not before? It's so hard to get back together with someone who has broken your trust. For now, I think the best thing you can do is exactly what you're planning to do: NC, exercise and caring for yourself. I think I need to follow your plan as well.
Author ginsane Posted December 27, 2008 Author Posted December 27, 2008 I know exactly how you're feeling...I've been wondering the same thing for the past 3 weeks: Is it actually possible that I could die of this? Sometimes I think it's possible, that's how painful this is. But then I have moments, even 2 hours tonight where I've felt that this is really for the best. That I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I think your ex may be having cold feet...but his new 'friend' really complicates the situation. If it was just cold feet and he needed to time to think about things, that would be a lot easier to forgive if he came back. But do you think you could forgive and trust him again after he has started hanging out with someone else already. I know that this may be a painful thought (and I'm sorry!), but are you sure that he only started hanging out with her 2 days after you broke up? Not before? It's so hard to get back together with someone who has broken your trust. For now, I think the best thing you can do is exactly what you're planning to do: NC, exercise and caring for yourself. I think I need to follow your plan as well. Who knows about the two days.. After this, I'm done. If he came crawling back to me begging for me back I could never be with him again. Our relationship has definitely been ruined beyond all repair. More so than not lately I've felt hopeful. I still have moments of pain but I guess it's just grief. =/ It blows.
Faded Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 I know how you're feeling. I wish there was more I can add to what's been said to make you feel better. But the truth is - Even if you say you won't. You'll feel down, you'll miss him, you'll feel like death, you'll be motivated by anger, you'll want to talk to him, you'll argue with yourself to avoid contact, and you'll have good and bad days. In the end, You've got the right idea. What I did was use the emotions/negativeness as fuel to better myself. I practically live in the gym now. It keeps me busy - and it keeps my mind off of her.
saturnfell Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 You're taking steps in the right direction which is wonderful. Also, getting rid of the cell phone is stellar... that's what I do. People ridicule me for it, but oh well. It works, and it's your heart, so I totally support that. Just one thing, you'll wonder if he's calling. It's ok, don't call! Don't call, don't call, don't call! You'll see what I mean in a couple weeks.
lonelygurl Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 ginsane instead of getting rid of your cell phone you can just get the phone number changed. I got my phone number changed and it was no charge. Figured it was cheaper than buying a whole new phone.
Benique Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Ginsane , 1.Do not talk to him any more . Take the advice of the Lonelygirl , Change your tel.number,thats all . Do not talk to him any more . As you need to move on . 2.Enter some clubs where you can have fun and new acquaintances as well. 3.Go to dating sites and date some. Maybe you meet Him maybe not . At least you will pay attention to some other things than your pain . He is not yet mature for marriage.
amerikajin Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 i never knew i could feel this way. my ex fiance and i have been broken up for about a week now. 2 years together, living together for over a year. he broke up with me for the "bachelor experience", things weren't the same..blah blah blah. he always texts, and calls. he says he wants to be friends, he's confused and he can't not have me in his life. we had coffee last night, and he cried a lot. today i find about his new "friend". she looks a lot like me, they started hooking up MAYBE 2 days after we broke up. even better, she has a kid. He's probably been going through this in his mind for sometime, because it's rare that someone just randomly finds a sex "friend" two days after a break-up. I think he got tired of the relationship but didn't know whether he should end it or not, so he just kept muddling through. Unfortunately, when you get to that point, that's when things get complicated, because all it takes is for someone new to come into the picture and force a breakup. I know because I've been that guy before. What he should have done was really re-focus his commitment to you or he should have spoken up sooner and let you know where he was at emotionally. I guess most people fear doing that because they're wondering whether space is really what they want. He wants to be friends with you for his sake, not yours. I don't doubt the fact that he really cares about you and hates the fact that he's hurt you, but he doesn't really understand the impact of his decision from your point of view. He's just trying to make himself feel better about dumping you. But that's none of your concern - that's his issue. I think you should go no contact until you've already moved on. The emptiness is common. Two years of your life with someone. That person becomes a part of your daily routine. Quitting them is like quitting a pack of cigarettes. It takes time for you to readjust and get used to the absence. He would feel a bit of emptiness too were it not for the fact that he's already moving on to someone else. You'll make it through this. Let the emotions come out. Eventually, time will heal the wounds.
Habibti Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Take it for what it is; a damn blessing! Someone once told me you will see the truth of a person when the pressure is on. Be greatful you see what he's like at his core now before you waste some more years on him.
canadian_banana Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 It only gets easier each day you don't talk to him. Tomorrow is ALWAYS better, without fail.
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