RjandOlivia2522 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Why is it that no matter what the step parent is always the bad guy. It doesn't matter the situation. The step parent could be the best thing that ever happened to the step kids and yet they can do nothing right in others eyes. Why is that? Why isn't it ever the biological parents? Or in some cases even the child? Is this just some cases or many? I have talked to many different step parents and some of them have agreed. The situation is really hard for me. I really hate myself for getting involved in this relationship. I have tried so hard to do the right thing. Everyone blames me for this little girl being unhappy. Is the only reason that this little girl is unhappy because I came into her life? Is that fair? I don't want to be the reason that this kid is unhappy. I also don't want to be the reason that my own kids are unhappy. I don't want to be the reason that this other child has a bad childhood. I also don't want to be reason that my children don't have their father. I really just don't understand. I have tried therapy for a while. Nothing changed. Am I really at fault for falling in love? Please help me...I just want everyone to be happy.
Joyvke Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 You take the other topic way out of proportion now. Yes, it might be your fault (not on purpose I don't think) that the girl makes things up. Probably because you emit the feeling she is not wanted. Did she wanted to go to the camp? Usually little kids see it as "Oh, they don't want me around so they put me in a camp." Try to go to a park together, as a family. Treat all kids equally and try not to have bad thoughts. I know it's probably really hard on you as well, but kids are so good in sensing that kind of things. Even tho it's a little girl, did you every 'talk' with her? As in, what would you like to do etc, that kind of stuff. .
Author RjandOlivia2522 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I am always alone with my step daughter. My husband works alot. I am the only one that does anything with her. We go shopping together, we go to the pool together, we get our nails done together, etc. I really can't say the same for her parents. Its unfortunate but true. As for the whole camp thing My husband was the one that thought it would be a good idea for her to go. Her mother lives in a bad neighborhood and she was going to most likely be bored or sitting in front of the Tv all summer. We asked her if she would like to go, then made an appointment for her to go see it and then gave her the option if she would like to go. She had a blast that whole summer. Well so I thought. When she was fibbing to her mother all summer I tried to ask her why she was doing it. I did it infront of her father so that nothing could be misunderstood and to my surprise my husband told me to mind my business. That it wasn't my place. That happens alot actually. I will be the sole caregiver for her when her parents arent around but the second that I try and do anything with her when they are around, I have to mind my own business and stay out of it. I don't understand the logic in that. I don't understand this entire situation.
Lizzie60 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Why is it always the stepparent that is the bad person?? Huh??? I have been a step-parent for over 18 years.. and we adore each other.. I had 3 step daughters.. It was hard at the beginning.. because they resent me.. I was taking their mother's place. They didn't understand. But with time, they came to love me... It seems, from your other thread.. that you are jealous of this little girl.. because everyone is taking her side.. she's ONLY 5 for pete's sake.. you're the adult.. not her.. Her dad was taken away from her.. I very much doubt that anything will change ... you cannot stand this child... and unless YOU change.. no one will ever be happy.. not you, not her and not him..
Joyvke Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Kinda weird the dad tells you to mind your own business. Not sure what he thinks, but even tho she's not your 'real' daughter, you are in her life. So ofcourse it is your business as well. Perhaps the dad/ mum are letting her say things? As you tell you do alot of things together, which is good.
Author RjandOlivia2522 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I have to say that you are probably right Lizzie I am jelouse of a 5 year old, but not jelouse for myself but for my kids. They deserve the same love and attention that she gets. But they don't get that. As their mother it kills me inside. No one took her father away. Her parents split for their own reasons. All I have ever wanted was to be apart of their lives. Maybe be accepted. I guess that was my mistake. She has a mother, so I am not taking anyones place nor am I trying to. I am the outsider not her. I have always been. Please explain to me how her father was taken away? To be honest I have changed through out the time we have been together. Changed always to make her situation better. You know what I dont want to do that anymore. Your probably right I am not fond of her. Why should I be after the terrible things that have been said about me. This hasn't happend once , it has happened muliply times. If her parents dont want to maybe help her crys for help then why should I care? Why should I have to be the brunt of her anger? I have always given in to everything. Done everything in my power to make it better. Now I need to focus on MY children. I think that I am done with being the punching bag.
Haruka Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 I just had to reply again. This question might sound harsh, but while you were pregnant with your first child did you think it would come to this? Did you think your husband and his family would be happy and welcoming that you had a child with him? You don't seem dense so I would of thought that you know once YOU had a child that you can not replace this little girl. She was there first and is of course your husband's pirority, even if he just leaves her in your care. Could I say an unpaid undervalued babysitter. You of course knew he had a child and that the child will always be in his life. All I am reading from you is. "Oh I feel so neglected, I had PPD (Guess what I have depression too but I know I have to get on with life) with my first baby. Why is everyone in my husband's family ignoring me and my children. Why am always getting giving in and I am a punching bag. Everyone favours my stepdaughter over her half sibling and it is tearing me apart. Waaaaah Waaaah Waaaah, ME ME ME ME ME (which translates to I AM JEALOUS of the attention focused on my husband's 5 year old brat) " YOUR the ADULT and SHE is the CHILD (Baby). MAYBE YOU SHOULDN"T OF GOT PREGGERS and JUST LEFT THE SITUATION. Oh and answer to Lizz's question she means from your Step Daughter's eyes You took him away. Of course you didn't take him away, but from her point of view your the woman that stole him from her.
Lizzie60 Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Oh and answer to Lizz's question she means from your Step Daughter's eyes You took him away. Ha-hem.. I didn't bother to answer that question.. cause I figured that if she couldn't figure out what I meant.. that in itself give me some idea of the kind of step-mother she is..
Haruka Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 Oh and answer to Lizz's question she means from your Step Daughter's eyes You took him away. Ha-hem.. I didn't bother to answer that question.. cause I figured that if she couldn't figure out what I meant.. that in itself give me some idea of the kind of step-mother she is.. LOL, well she is 23 *hence she is still immature or at least has a low mental capacity* and she apparently is tackling work and school. I wonder with someone who is a whinge face and is jealous of a human being that is 18 years younger then her. What kind of dunderhead she is. All I am reading from her posts is ME ME ME this, Poor Me I had Depression and I have to deal with a step kid who hates me. Waaaaaah. She needs to grow up.
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