Not judging but..don't you feel guilty?

[SupportGroupie]

Hi all

Since coming to this forum, it seems that there are of course, a lot of people in long term affairs. Since my MM lived far away and we rarely saw eachother, it was a lot easier to separate his life from mine.

 

But I know for me, I could not be in the same town, know his wife, possibly see them together, and fight for his time, if it meant he took time away from his kids and family and responsibilities, and spent a lot with me.

 

I never wanted an affair and tried to leave it more often than not. But if they lived near me, i dont think i could have done it...not sure.

 

How do you deal with that part of it?? I am not trying to be offensive or say SHAME on you, rather wondering how you handle those feelings that come with being with someone elses husband....? I always felt horrible and immoral and bad...very bad. Thats just me.

 

But i know for sure I could never handle the guilt, jealousy or issues that would come with living close to this person and possibly sharing social circles or going to the same bars, restaurants etc.

 

Do you want the MM to leave his wife, or are you in it for other reasons....???? I know some of you are madly in love, some playing around cause you can..etc...or want to.

 

Just curious how you dealt/deal with that part?

 

Does the W get your sympathy, thoughts....do you wonder what he tells her and does with her, or do you just enjoy the time you have with him/her???

 

I probably will receive some angry responses, so be it. I can handle that.

 

 

I even feel guilty on this site sometimes cause i wonder if MM's wives come here after they learn of affairs and see all this laid out...and it must be so damn painful for them. I would not want to hear of tales from the OW...i would want to hurl...and be heartbroken...if i read posts like the ones i have written and the w happened to read it, in some obscure universe. that would fu** me up for a long time. its why i dont ever want to be an OW again..ever.

 

What got you involved in the first place, and why do you stay? Do you run into him or her just by chance? market, shops, job..etc...??

 

so many questions, thanks for listening.

I am a deep hearted person and the guilt made me nuts..really. I hated myself for ever being involved with a MM. I know some people do not feel guilt or feel other peoples pain like I do..I am a person who always takes on others pain...but i always worried about her...and how it would feel to be lied to. I dont think she ever knew about me, but who knows.

 

thanks

SupportGroupie

[Lizzie60]

I even feel guilty on this site sometimes cause i wonder if MM's wives come here after they learn of affairs and see all this laid out...and it must be so damn painful for them. I would not want to hear of tales from the OW...i would want to hurl...and be heartbroken...if i read posts like the ones i have written and the w happened to read it, in some obscure universe. that would fu** me up for a long time. its why i dont ever want to be an OW again..ever.

 

Then why the need to start threads on OW tales.. ???

 

I don't get it.. you say you are a kind hearted woman.. you feel for them.. but yet likes to post about it..

[MeaganRaye]

I think it's very creepy to know who the wife is, and to see her quite frequently yet continue to secretly sleep with her husband. It's so freakish to me. Like something out of a movie.

 

I know on another forum, one OW said that she has a picture of the W on her laptop, like how bizarre and is that? :confused:lol Others claim to know a lot about the W, like what turns her on and off sexually, whether or not she can orgasm, how often they have sex, her eating habits, work habits, hygiene etc etc Some even grow to hate the W. I think these type of relationships can cause some OW to become mentally unstable, and delusional.

[SupportGroupie]

Lizzie

I expected some sort of comment like this, and I am human just working through my thoughts on this. This is the 1st place I ever came to talk about it, and now that I have, it is started to feel creepy and invasive...but i am hurting and wanting to heal and change and never do this again, THATS why I am posting. Some women play games with MM and are in it for sport. Thats their decision...Posting has really truly helped me see how painful, bad, icky and YADA YADA being the OW is from other people in same boat. FOR ME, thats ALL I am saying. I know others have had 10 yr relationships wih MM they have know forever, thats different.

 

Going after someone's husband, just cause you can or for sport, is just not something I would do. This is the reason lots of women in marriages and just dating, dont trust men. Cause there are way too many single or M women who will give them whatever they want.

 

I did not like being the OW...i see it more now, and might never have had the balls or integrity to back off, until i got here. So it has helped me want to stay away.

NUFF said. I am no better than anyone, but i came here to learn and realize what the hell i have been doing, and i am learning..and YES i care about the W's feelings of course I do. I want my MM to be happy whomever he is with, and want no pain to his family..even tho me being with him caused pain undoubtedly.

 

Yes i have a big heart, i made a huge mistake and met this man when he was separated...and did not live with his wife...so i did not go out to find a MM ..i was already in it, when he went back to her.

[SupportGroupie]

MR

I agree with you in many ways, tho I will probably get blasted again. I came her not to be applauded for my actions, but to help myself learn and not make the same mistakes and also to figure out why my separated now man is looking like he is history.

 

To each his own...we all are in titled to live our own lives..but no the W is not my enemy, never was. I always asked him to work it out with her or leave her FOR HIMSELF...if thats what he needed, not for me.

 

thanks for letting me vent ...i appreciate it. I am trying to get into the mind of other OW...and learn ...and hopefully never make the same mistake again...with Gods help and my own judgement. I cam here for help...thats all

 

Have a great day and thanks for your post

SG

[MeaganRaye]

MR

I agree with you in many ways, tho I will probably get blasted again. I came her not to be applauded for my actions, but to help myself learn and not make the same mistakes and also to figure out why my separated now man is looking like he is history.

 

To each his own...we all are in titled to live our own lives..but no the W is not my enemy, never was. I always asked him to work it out with her or leave her FOR HIMSELF...if thats what he needed, not for me.

 

thanks for letting me vent ...i appreciate it. I am trying to get into the mind of other OW...and learn ...and hopefully never make the same mistake again...with Gods help and my own judgement. I cam here for help...thats all

 

Have a great day and thanks for your post

SG

 

Have a merry Christmas:) You have a nice heart you deserve better

[SupportGroupie]

Lizzie

Also, I do my very best to not give up too much info on here. I dont say where I am from, I dont live near this man, I am not trying to win him back...i am just hurt and confused. I use judgement in posting because I would not want her, the W to have to live through this. By my posts, noone would know who I am, least of all her. I dont talk about his line of work or mine, I dont list specific business dates, and so and and so on.

 

YES she and he and his kids are in the back of my mind, so I try to speak in ways that no one would be able to find out who i am.

 

Yes I care, call me crazy, I care. I would be quite pissed if I was married and read a string of emails from some OW about how she had a rocking time with my H in a hotel room in france, or how they snuck off into the midnight sunset on a business trip to spain in 08...etc. I dont put that kind of info here

 

thats all

thanks for your post. it does make me wonder why i post and reply...its starting to all come together ..that and my deep pain

 

 

SG

[SupportGroupie]

Thanks MR

Appreciate it so much. I saw another one of your posts and I can see you too have a heart and this is not easy for you....as it is not easy for most of us. But for me to keep playing victem is ridiculous. I feel cheated and hurt by a man who cheated and hurt his wife. Surely that is crazy...lol and makes me think I dont ever want to do this again.

 

I am not poo=pooing what others do, just trying to figure it out for me. Perhaps I am judging, why lie...maybe I do have some negative feelings for women who do it as sport and cause it makes them feel like top dog to use MM and Fuc* with their lives...but i have a lot of empathy for OW who found themselves in a relationship they cant see to leave...or fell in love..or are struggling with...and they are torn and beaten down..and also in love. I feel for that, not that I say its ok to be OW, its not for me...but to do it for sport....not my way.

 

I will leave that to other women....HISS HISSS...I am starting to feel feisty and judgemental, perhaps I should stop.

 

I am no better, I am just perhaps more guilt ridden...and realistic.

 

thanks

SG

[SupportGroupie]

I need to apologize here

I made the original post. It's probably not the best place to post something like this. I am working on my own guilt and issues.

 

i am sorry if I made anyone else feel bad or put you at ill ease. I am not here to BASH OW or pretend its a horrible thing. I have read many of your stories and I have realized a lot of people have deep, loving and difficult relationships and real choices to make.

 

I know some people are with Men in horrible marriages, some people spent 20 years loving a man they could not have, or had and lost..etc so please accept my apology if I was out of line.

 

I have trust issues with men, and also my self, and am dealing with my own demons, on top of having a lot of empathy for MM's wives and kids. Just is who I am, complicated, learning, hurting, and growing.

 

Thanks for giving me a place to learn and get help when I needed it the most.

 

Again my apologies if I made anyone feel badly. I am in a bit of a funk and lashing out.

 

Happy Holidays

SG

[child_of_isis]

Very few OW's are in it for sport. They get trapped, just like you.

 

They are lied to, manipulated, etc. etc. And they hurt. And want to move on.

 

Just like you.

[jj33]

SG your posts make no sense. Why are you lashing out at people who are here for support allegedly on the same basis you are?

 

Taken together with your earlier posts (where you said your MM didnt choose you) it almost makes me wonder if you situation is even what you said it was.

 

Something is very wrong. Are you sure you arent a BS posing as an OW?

 

That would make the most sense based on your posts.

 

As Child of Isis said very very few OW are in it for sport.

 

That being said I wish you a merry Christmas and hope you find some peace whatever your story is

[SupportGroupie]

JJ

Just sent a long long response, and it was lost...what a shame. Perhaps thats a good thing. I am what I say, I am not a BS...?? if that means bitter spouse. You have me all wrong and are just starting to sound attacking and a bit harsh, so I dont need to respond to that. It brings too much negative energy to me. This man wants to see me if I am in town, and its convenient. Thats not really enough for me and I doubt his sincerity and truthfulness...or wonder what else he has going on.

 

Its confusing and not black and white. I came here for help, not to bash other women. I apologized, quickly and with sincerity about my post if it was harsh or offended OW or seemed judgemental. I had a vent and a post, and then realized it may have come off wrong, and not my intention. I am beating myself up for the affair and trying to work through it. If i was beating others up...it was a mistake and a reflection on me and my self...not about others.

 

I apologized and clearly said that i have met many people who have deep, loving and hard, long relationships with MM. I wish them well. I mean that. I also dont condone being an OW and dont take it lightly..FOR ME....thats all. It was about my guilt and wondering if and how others handle it. Not really such a crazy question...I dont think.

 

If it was posted in wrong place, or not welcome, so be it. I am learning, hurting and evolving and have a deep, broken heart and a wounded soul...from what I have done and been through, and a lot of guilt. Thats all. If that makes other have to think about their own situation, fine. I am not saying OW are wrong. We are all here for a reason

 

let me be here for mine, and also learn from others and help.

I dont need to justify my honesty here, I am exactly what I say and who I say, and it is how it is. Wish it wasnt

 

More power to you if u can find happiness and peace. I wish everyone could..with or without a man....I seek peace and knowledge and forgiveness...from my God...and i also seek to understand what my relationship with MM was, and when I need to cut off all contact

 

just trying here, give me a little break.....okay? my story is what it is. Painful as hell to come here and tell it and live and work through it, so agenda..no lies. Just me, raw and hurting...and not feelng like i need to be attacked...but hell its a forum...so i guess its all good. What does not kill me makes me stronger, your opinion is noted...now i will move on, thanks

 

Peace be with you, and may you have a happy new year.

SG

[LavendarGirl]

SG, I don't think you're a BS. You're a OW, or an xOW -- however it's defined -- who's having a whirlwind of emotions over the holidays.

 

As for me, yeah, there is an element of guilt. But I don't think I am the root cause of the problems between the MM and his W. But I can put my foot down and say I don't want to continue to be their problem (being the OW on the side while status quo of their R continues on), and I realize that if the A is exposed for what it is, then I will ultimately be blamed for their problems.

 

Does that make sense?

 

SG, hang in there, Christmas'll be over soon, thank goodness!

 

--LG

[SupportGroupie]

Hey LG

Merry xmas to you

 

Yes it sure does make sense, and thanks. I am just being emotional and defensive. Realizing a lot of things about myself and this past affair and coming to terms with who I was and who I want to be moving forward.

 

Thanks for your response. I know you are going through a difficult time...and I send a lot of support and peace to you girl!

 

Also , yeah I know I was not the cause of this mans marriage falling apart, they had major issues and separated before I even met him. But I know it sure did not help that I was in the picture sometimes...or even an EA for him. Surely that did not help.

 

Anyway, you live, learn and do the best you can. I am in pain as many others here must be too...or at one time, probably they were. I will hope the best for everyone regardless of whether they are the MM, the OW or the spouse. I hope everyone in this life, finds peace and is with the person that helps makes them happy, whole and right....

 

yeah i am eager for Holidays to be over too....just is time to turn over a new year. I had a special day and night with special friends ...and it was nice. Yet I am a bit down and sad too...but overall...you know I am blessed, just broken. :-0 Oh boy...lol

 

Hang in their strong girl and enjoy the season as much as you can :-)

 

Peace out

Have a great evening

Sup Grup...lol

[White Flower]

SG, I don't think you're a BS. You're a OW, or an xOW -- however it's defined -- who's having a whirlwind of emotions over the holidays.

 

As for me, yeah, there is an element of guilt. But I don't think I am the root cause of the problems between the MM and his W. But I can put my foot down and say I don't want to continue to be their problem (being the OW on the side while status quo of their R continues on), and I realize that if the A is exposed for what it is, then I will ultimately be blamed for their problems.

 

Does that make sense?

 

SG, hang in there, Christmas'll be over soon, thank goodness!

 

--LG

LG, it makes perfect sense. Unfortunately we still live in a society where the OW 'tempted' the MM. When it comes to our emotions we are quick to travel back 1000 years when people believed a woman's essence was in her body and not her brain as a man's is.

 

To the OP, I used to feel terrible guilt and compassion for the W. After coming here and reading up on the issue, having countless conversations with the scholarly people I work with, and reading many essays on the subject I have come to believe with many others that there is/was no triangle here. The R is between MM and the OW most of the time. And I am more apt to still feel compassion for the W but not guilt.

 

Unless of course the OW is a real insider and is a friend or pretends to be the friend of the W. I do belive I would call that a triangle. I also believe there is and should be more guilt involved in that sitch.

 

Some may argue that sleeping with a MM is sleeping with a MM and that in itself makes one guilty. It depends on the value system, though. I personally don't believe that marriage equals ownership. If my H cheats on me I can forgive him, depending on the circumstance. Others who put a higher value on the act (sex) of adultery cannot forgive such a thing because they seem to place a value on the sexual organs to the level of ownership. I won't name names, but there are a few BS's here who would never take back a woman who cheated for this very reason. But I digress. I guess I was taken with LG's statement and it got me thinking about how men own women and how women take the blame so much.

 

OP, you asked, 'Does the W get your sympathy, thoughts....do you wonder what he tells her and does with her, or do you just enjoy the time you have with him/her???'.

 

I always enjoyed the time I had with him and tried to put anything intimate between them out of my mind. Hard to do when you're not used to compartmentalizing but you learn something new every day. Back when I first used to post I had come to realize that what I was getting out of the A was better than not having the A. Wow, typing it that way seems to belittle the fact that I was so in love with him. Alas, being with him was better than not. Anyway, he used to give a few minor details about their intimacy and make it seem drab and not very pleasant. Anyone with half a brain would realize he needed to minimize his romantic time with his W so as not to chase the OW away but one can admit to allowing the self to accept the lies however tiny or large. I think we allow ourselves to believe it because we need to in that moment. Perhaps we make an unspoken agreement to believe in a fairytale.

 

Your next question: What got you involved in the first place, and why do you stay? Do you run into him or her just by chance? market, shops, job..etc...??

 

I was pursued by someone who didn't give up. It took a year and a half before I really succumbed to his advances and they were so innocent. Well, it certainly seemed that way. I stayed because I fell in love, deep love. I never run into him as we live far away. I've never met his wife and I prefer(ed) it that way. That complicates things and brings on way more stress than the A already did! I think that when the OW knows the W, the wife is betrayed twice. Sorry, don't mean to offend any OWs reading this. I can just imagine going through that. Well, I did, LOL, and it wasn't my favorite experience.

 

I only went to one event that exMM was at and we did stop and say hello, far, far away from his W. I was very conscious of the idea she might be hurt if she saw him talking with another woman. I didn't keep hanging around or do anything that she might feel uncomfortable with. I did not ask him to dance or hope he would ask me to dance. I couldn't do that with her there. I wouldn't want to be a part of hurting her knowingly although it would appear I had no problem doing this behind her back.

 

I guess I'd hoped that he would leave her for other reasons (reasons that led to him turning to me in the first place) and we would later come together and that their split would have nothing to do with us.

 

I hope you find your answers, OP (Original Poster). LS is a good place to start.

[SupportGroupie]

Morning

thanks so much WhiteF

 

This is very helpful and does answer questions I asked. It seems a lot of us, or many have deeply or did at one point, fall in love with a MM for many reasons, despite attempts not to.

 

It's odd to be here putting it all out there but so helpful. I truly appreciate your responses and time. It means a lot that you took the time to answer and give me your thoughts.

 

Yeah there is no way I could know the women or be friends, asspciates with her. I just know me. Thank God i never knew anything about her, nothing, and she lives / they live in a state far far away.

 

Did you end your A or are you still in it?

 

I am curious what makes people finally end it....but i am sure thats individual for every one of us. Mine physically happens so rarely, and communication is not often, that it would seem it would be easier to say goodbye for good. Perhaps if I just walk away..thats all I need to do. He is not in contact much...but i still feel like he is there, since we were so deep in love for a while..who knows. Letting go of him is something I have not done, but have tried to do many times..with some small success and never lasting success....boy i feel weak some times...

 

LS is giving me golden nuggets of help and support and sometimes advice I dont want to hear...lol...and some tough love..which is also an impetus for growth and change...its all good info to get and process...

 

Merry xmas and happy NY, may it be fun and festive

SG

[LavendarGirl]

Hi SG,

I'm going to be Devil's Advocate here, and probably jumping threads (forgive me please), but...

 

Maybe in your case, you are feeling guilty because your MM is now separated from his W, and he's going through deep grief or maybe even depression (and cutting you off from him emotionally, so you don't really know what's going on with him). Your guilt is gnawing at you because you think that perhaps your A was what lead to his separation.

 

And then you have suspicions that maybe he left (by his own choice or by being found out by his W) for another OW. That would relieve you of the guilt of his separation (and resulting depression that the SM is experiencing). Yet, you are then jealous and angry that it took another OW and not you for him to be motivated to leave his W, and then feel betrayed also if he started seeing someone new.

 

So you are stuck in conflicting feelings. And therein lies some of your emotional turmoil right now??

 

Just a thought...

 

--LG.

[LavendarGirl]

Unfortunately we still live in a society where the OW 'tempted' the MM. When it comes to our emotions we are quick to travel back 1000 years when people believed a woman's essence was in her body and not her brain as a man's is.

 

Hi WhiteF,

Your post reminds me of the movie Fatal Attraction. The script writers didn't invent those roles, only took pre-existing stereotypes and exaggerated them. So there was the beautiful, supportive and loving BS. The MM who's only crime up until he met Glen Close was being successful and a workaholic. And then we come to Glen Close, the OW, who was a temptress and seduced Michael Douglas against his better judgement. How could he resist? But when the OW finds the MM slipping from her claws, she is so vengeful that she boils the bunny and quite literally puts every member of the family unit in direct physical harm.

 

The moral of that story of course was beware of the evil-doing OW who will steer you away from everything you value in your life. And then of course, the nasty label Bunny Boiler is used still to denote a woman who will stop at nothing to steal your H. Hmmm.

[jj33]

I am curious what makes people finally end it....but i am sure thats individual for every one of us. Mine physically happens so rarely, and communication is not often, that it would seem it would be easier to say goodbye for good. Perhaps if I just walk away..thats all I need to do. He is not in contact much...but i still feel like he is there, since we were so deep in love for a while..who knows. Letting go of him is something I have not done, but have tried to do many times..with some small success and never lasting success....boy i feel weak some times...

 

SG

 

Therein lies the problem. Your love for him and what you shared is still an important part of your emotional life.

 

However you are not receiving the reinforcement or the attention or anything else that you need from the relationship.

 

You rarely see each other. He is rarely in touch.

 

There is no need to walk away physically as you are not in the same town not often in touch.

 

But you do need to blow out the torch. Walk away emotionally. Its not easy but the new year is coming you can give yourself a new start.

 

If you are not ready you are not ready but it doesnt sound like he is giving you any reason to believe you will have a future together.

 

Harsh words but its time to look forward and there is no reason to hold yourself hostage to a memory.

 

Theres no reason for you not to succeed here. If he is in touch what can he give you that is better than freedom to have a happy love life in the future? Hes single and you are not together. As far as I am concerned the fat lady has sung.

 

Dont allow him to keep you roped in just to satisfy his ego. There is no reason for him to need more time to decide. You know each other. If he doesnt know you are the best thing that ever happened to him, then more time isnt going to help his judgment.

 

I hope you find peace and happiness in the new year. And thank you for your earlier post.

[whichwayisup]

SG, what's actually stopping you from letting go of him, telling him goodbye so you can find your own (single) man, have your own family, a life with someone else? Why stick around for this MM when his actions show you that he may not be interested in a future with you? You say you live far apart, aren't in eachother's daily lives - One would think it would be easier to detach and let go, cut him out of your life since he really isn't around much anyway.

 

I hope soon you find the answers you're looking for, say bye-bye to him forever, heal and live a happy life with a man who will adore you and only you.

[jj33]

Indeed you may not even need to say ANYTHING to him.

 

It sounds like its much more a question of your internal view of things. If YOU decide youve had enough, then it really doesnt matter what he thinks, if he looks at a card aftter 5 minutes or 5 days.

 

If you wait for him to say its over then you could wait a very long time.

 

He may never say that. And years could pass.

 

to put it in kidspeak

 

You are the boss of you. He has no role in "its over". If you were to ask him he may say but its been over for x amount of time.

 

If contact is intermittent at best I doubt he expects you to be holding on and waiting. He might love the fact that you are, but my guess i he would never take responsibility for the fact that your feelings for him arekeeping you from moving on.

Its hard to say good bye to a dream we held dear but when its time, its time.

[frannie]

I don't know that I'd have had an affair with him had I known his W, or moved in the same circles. I feel that I wouldn't, but then before this affair I thought that I'd never have a relationship with anyone married, so I have no idea. Certainly there would have been other things to worry about, and maybe feel guilty about, and very likely be jealous about. I can't imagine being out and about and bumping into them, for example.

 

As it was, I didn't feel guilty for taking time or attention away from his family as before we even met he was spending plenty of time working away in any case. And throughout our affair it was clear that she was either not bothered about or very used to their small level of personal contact.

 

I never really felt jealous, because he never made me feel jealous. To have felt jealous I'd have had to have wanted what she had: a husband who was happier to be away from her than with her, and a relationship that was to all intents and purposes dead as far as my eyes and ears could tell me.

 

I've felt a lot guiltier since we had a d-day. But I'm guilty about the hurt she suffered, rather than for what I did. If that makes any sense at all. I know I'm culpable in that, but I also know that their relationship was one that to me was asking for an affair (I know that sounds bad)... he was basically at a loose end emotionally and sexually and for whatever reason she let that happen. I think if it hadn't been me it would have been someone else, in fact I know it would. So while I'll take my share of blame for her hurt, I don't feel as guilty about it as maybe I would have done in other circumstances. I don't feel I tempted him away from anything. As far as I know, there was nothing to tempt him from, and he was looking before he found me. I know that for a fact.

[SupportGroupie]

Hey LG

thanks for your post, and thinking about my situation...

Sorry to say, it's not quite what I am feeling.

 

I do not think he left his wife for me, we did not talk about, he did not tell me he was leaving, and we did not see eachother enough to really talk long term. Now do I think that sharing the intense PASSION we did, and the love we felt, eventually made him think he could happier with someone or by himself, sure.

 

Keep in mind, he left her before we met...so his marriage has been suffering for 10 plus years, in a big way. The guilt i feel is not at all abt breaking up his marriage. I stayed away as much as i could, did not lure him, or try to talk him into anything, only fell in love, my crime..of passion...lol. I thoguth he would eventually leave his wife maybe in 4 or 5 years, when their was less drama with his grown kids (all grown) and his grandkids. He is highly tied to his family, deeply..the kids and grandkids are his life, and he had a huge roll in the gkids lives..so i could not see him leaving at this time. I was shocked to be honest.

 

I feel hurt because he may have been lying, i am sure he has and i feel something else is up. I am confused in my inability to walk away from someone who I believe has hurt me with lies, back and forth, and possibly, finding someone else...it just is a slap in face..and shocker..I want to have strength and will to walk away, with speed..lol and attitude...(finger snap) but issues is i still have feelings and still have no idea what has transpired in his marriage, separating etc. I just feel i have been living in a dark hole with him...and it burns. HE is not good for me, I know that. But we shared something unique and intense, and i have not been able to shake it off...and i think about it a lot.

 

SUX ASS..

 

I dont feal jealous if he took another women, i loose respect for him and it hurts. It feels sleasy and gross...to me, to be playing with so many peoples lives..thats all. I am a jealous person, but not jealous of someone new...angry and hurt that i dont know shi* abt anything.

 

of course i always thought IF he were single, he would come to me full speed ahead. He is not. That hurts. Thats rational I guess. But i dont live near him, i wont move, he wont move..etc etc...so it makes sense i guess to find someone local..tho if this is true, i wish i just knew. if its not, oh well. ITs the not knowing thats killing me.

 

I can move on, i have to..i want to..but i really feel it is so unsettled without any info really. I dont want to walk away without a clue..thats all. And i am mad at myself for waiting around and believeing him. I sure dont believe i am the cause of the separation. They had outside partners at one point...openly...and bla bla

 

guess i need to stop wondering and walk away..in time.

thanks so much

SG

[SupportGroupie]

JJ

amen, I hear you and think you are right. I am not trying to beat a dead horse and pretend my situation is any harder than anyone elses here. Surely its not. I am blessed that he does not live here, that i dont see him around town etc

 

YOU are right JJ, I need to face the truth and move on emotionally. He has had more than enough time to make a decision or state his thoughts, wants. He is very closed and keeps things in. But he is not giving me anything I want and he is toxic to me.

 

So amen, and onward. This makes sense to me, and many things are becoming clear since being here. I feel a lot stronger and a lot more foolish for not seeing some signs on the way. The harsh test will be if he calls or writes and wants to see me, because i lost faith and trust....big time.

 

So I will move on, and live my life. I already was living a full life, so its not the end of the world...really. Its just broken heart and they heal...

 

thanks JJ

hope your xmas was merry

SG

[SupportGroupie]

WHich way

Up into recently, the past month or two, we were in contact and sharing feelings and i saw him about 5 months ago. He said he loved me, etc. So its not like for 6 years its been the way it is right now. He confessed his love over and over for these years..and i have only seen a difference since he separated. WHICH is way odd and mind numbing.

 

I was living a life, I was dating, i dated a great man for 1 1/2 yrs and cut MM out for most part. We talked and emailed sometimes but i kept it platonic in nature and was faithful to my great guy. The deal is that i fell in love for the first time with MM and no matter who came in our out of my life, it was always him. He said same abt me, he was in love and no one could ever compare, come close...etc

 

all this was true since day we met. So while it seems simple or more simple its not. I dont fall easily, i dont fall in love, and i dont wait for men. I did all those things with him...cause he was just the one i wanted more than anything.

 

And it never dawned on me he would be single or separated and not be available...and of course, i dont know that he has moved on..he says he cares and wants to see me, but it sounds casual and a bit odd...i have no idea if he still has deep feelings, he says he cares..but he is not beating down my door nor making any attempts, statements....so it tells me something is up.

 

anyway, thanks...its hard to move on..he had my heart. i am the type to not like dating or commitments, and love my single life . I usually enjoy being by myself and with friends and doing hobbies more than relationships. With him...i really wanted to be arouind him and touch him and hug him and love him. It was a passionate and deep relationship. He told me it was the closest and deepest relationship he ever had. So this is my problem. Its not simple

 

he is suffering, i am suffering, i am getting no where so i will continue with my life...as i did before. I just never left his heart, he said..so many times, and vice versa.

 

thanks

SG