rluv Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hello - Happy Holidays...This morning my bf asked me if I could drop off his two little girls at their mom's house, his soon to be ex he is divorcing, something I've never done before. I felt so special inside; we have bonded these past 7 months, especially as I am in my early 40's and do not have kids of my own. Then he called to tell her, and she said no way - because of my 'condition.' I have epilepsy, but I am cleared and monitored by my doctor, by the State BMV, have seizures only once every 2 years or so, it's very minor. What's really bothering me is that he told her way back without telling me. He told her something very personal about me without talking to me about it, and it makes me feel insignifcant in the process, and disrespected. He said he had to because of the kids. No, he didn't have to until I was driving them somewhere in a car, and that didn't happen until this morning. It makes me feel like someone's talking about you while you're in the room. And it makes me feel like he is more intimate with her, with my feelings second. Any thoughts?
moonshadow Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Should you feel disrespected or violated? Well, you should feel and are entitled to feel however you want; there's no right or wrong with feelings. Did you actually ask him "why" he felt it necessary to tell her about your epilepsy? - like specifically why he felt she needed to know this about you if it hasn't been until recently that he's asked you to drive his children? I think you need to talk to him and get more information as to his motive/motivation for telling her when he did.....only then can you look at the big picture and see how you feel then? By the way, why did he ask YOU to drive them to her place as opposed to him doing it? Have you ever met her before? Wouldn't this have put you into a somewhat awkward situation if this was the FIRST time meeting her? How do you know he told her about your epilepsy some time ago? Maybe it was just recently, like when he told her he'd have you drop off the kids; and he felt that he needed to disclose this info (which as a Mother, I feel she does have the right to know)?
edinsvet Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I don't think you should feel disrespected or violated at all. None of this was directed at you or disrespect to you. So what, he told her about you. He was thinking about you. I am sure he didn't realize it would cause these problems down the road And the Ex as a mother has a right to be overprotective of her children. Most mothers are so you can't blame her either. I wouldn't put any mind to it.
Star Gazer Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I don't think you should feel disrespected or violated. If my BF had epilepsy and even had the opportunity to be around and take care of my children, one of the first people I'd likely tell was my mother. But I tell my mother everything. You've only been dating 7 months, so I'm surprised that you'd be upset that he's "more intimate" (I hope you didn't mean that in the sexual way) with his mother.
Author rluv Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I have met her a couple of times, i.e., at a birthday party, when he was dropping off the kids, etc. I don't see any reason why he would have to share my condition, as I don't think it poses any threat to the kids, as he (the father) is always with us. As she is their mother, I can see if it's me alone with the kids, but I can't stress how minor it is. BTW, people can become ill, have heart attacks, no one is completely immune from being a 911 call away. It's just the thought of him not discussing it with me first, something very private to me, I was left entirely out of the picture! If he had come to me, and said, as their mother, she should know about this, I really would have said, "No problem." And felt like my he placed priority on my feeling as his gf - bonus. Can you understand?
Trialbyfire Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 While I understand why you're feeling the way you do, I agree with your b/f about this. There's no way to stop an epileptic seizure when it gets triggered. The childrens' safety comes first.
moonshadow Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I don't think you should feel disrespected or violated. If my BF had epilepsy and even had the opportunity to be around and take care of my children, one of the first people I'd likely tell was my mother. But I tell my mother everything. You've only been dating 7 months, so I'm surprised that you'd be upset that he's "more intimate" (I hope you didn't mean that in the sexual way) with his mother. She's talking the mother of his children, not her BF's mother.
Star Gazer Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 She's talking the mother of his children, not her BF's mother. Oooooohhhh, I see that now. Still doesn't change my opinion though - if anything, it's stronger. The mother of the children has every right to know the details of the person who's taking care of her children. Like TBF said, it's something that can be triggered any time.
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