SmartWoman321 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 My stbx and I are now talking about possibly postponing the divorce for a couple of years out of convenience. We have lived apart ofr a year now and the D is final mar 4. But, we are playing with the idea of sticking it out for a couple of years so we can pay off some bills and save a little. We would have to agree to accept that we have seperate lives, although we would share a bedroom because we get a long well- but we would have a platonic relationship. Most of our marriage was living as roommates, so it won't be a huge change. The only bummer about it is that we wouldn't have the opportunity to perhaps meet someone else for a happy relationship. But, I suppose this can wait. Has anyone else agreed to do this with their spouse? If so, how has it been?
carhill Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Convenience? Not exactly. Covert agreement to avoid making a stupid financial decision in a tanked economy and dead real estate marketplace? Sure But, perhaps a little confusion. If you're not married (D final on March 4), how is it then a marriage of convenience? I would think it would be a relationship of convenience. This I can understand
Author SmartWoman321 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 the divorce isn't final until March 4- in about 8 weeks, so we are still married. We are considering cancelling it. Thats what I meant.
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I'd have to be something good to prevent a divorce.
Author SmartWoman321 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Why cancel? Bifurcate I have no idea what this means....
carhill Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Google the word (or "bifurcated divorce") Obviously, depends on jurisdiction....
Author SmartWoman321 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I looked it up. No, that seems kind of silly. We would be living together again, so, if we are going to do THAT, we might as well be married. It would be hurtful to live together and date other people, we don't want to put each other thru that. No, if we decide to stick it out for another couple of years, it will be as married roommates. I don't really like the thought of it, but it might be beneficial in the long run.
carhill Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Roommates date other people. They merely live together. If property/financial issues are the primary factor and resolution is still a few years off, bifurcation makes sense if you otherwise would D anyway. I'm fixing up my wife's new house and we'll be having Christmas dinner there, so perhaps I'm not a good person to be giving advice No way would I live with someone I didn't love and merely got along with, especially if I had to go through a bunch of pain to get to that place. Been there, owned that elephant
Ronni_W Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Has anyone else agreed to do this with their spouse? If so, how has it been? My ex and I did that for 7 years AFTER our official divorce date. (Whatever the heck "bifurcate" means , I wouldn't bother with any more legal hassles. Just let your March 4 date come and go, as now scheduled.) We kept the "former matrimonial home", split household expenses, etc. Generally supported and encouraged each other as best we could. We each started dating when that felt appropriate. We did NOT share the "former matrimonial bedroom", though. We were divorced in every sense of that, save for both our names were still on the deed and mortgage -- and we had a joint bank account to handle all related bills. Fast forward. Sold the house this year. Our last 8 months "together" were the roughest of any since...well, since we started dating -- we were yelling and screaming at each other like a newly-separated couple! (Which we had NOT done any of that, at all, when it was all crumbling around us.) But this year...like two idiotic, lunatic, freaks, I swear. But the prior 9 years (since separation to this year) were actually really pretty good!
carhill Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I tend to agree with Ronni's perspective on this, but would caution, if choosing to let the D become final without affirmative action, one or both parties could legally enforce provisions of the agreement at a future date, one which might be disadvantageous to your financial situation at that time. I mention this because the OP mentions "paying off some bills" and "saving a little", leading me to believe, even though they reside separately, there may be marital real estate/financial instruments which could be compromised by a forced early resolution. Otherwise, why not settle out now? People change their minds and once one's signature is on a legal agreement, one should agree with that eventuality and that it might be enforced immediately, or never. Just words to the wise from a guy in the business world
Ronni_W Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Carhill, you bifurcated me (again) Yeah...either one of us could have "demanded" the house be sold whenever we pleased -- that is a risk BOTH of us took, which was not without the immediate rewards that our living arrangement offered. That is, enforcing current provisions at a future date is not, as far as I can see, gonna be any MORE disadvantageous/onerous than enforcing it now...and could be less so. At least, that's how we looked at it. Whole deal in our case, as it sounds with SmartWoman's, is that we were trying to do our best to make it easier on Self and Other. And one just has to trust that those intentions will continue -- if that basic trust isn't there, then I'd suggest it as a MAJORLY foolhardy (totally lunatic) endeavour. It ain't no easy haul, no matter how supportive, loving and encouraging are both the divorced individuals. It ain't for the fainthearted, that's a fersure!
Mr. Lucky Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 although we would share a bedroom because we get a long well- but we would have a platonic relationship. Would you share a bed as well? Maybe your definition of "platonic" is different than mine. What happens when someone wants to bring a date home? Might lead to some very awkward moments - "This is my ex-wife, we're divorced but..." Mr. Lucky
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