burningashes Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hi all! I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now, I've known him since June. I was fine with just seeing where things went with him and taking it a day a time. However- we were joking around online recently tonight and he asked me where I saw this going. I told him upfront that I could see myself dating him, but that I was happy just taking it a step at a time. The feeling is mutual. The conversation led to who was going to ask who out and he put me on the spot by saying that guys shouldn't always have to ask women out. Point is that the onus is now on me to ask him out and I'm wondering how to best go about it. "Will you go out with me?" "Will you be my boyfriend?" sounds REALLY high school-y. How do I ask someone to be exclusive with me? I definitely know he wants to date me from the conversation we had, and now he's waiting for me to say something I know this probably sounds immature or something, but I've really never asked a guy out before and I am definitely up to the challenge! Any ideas?
rh_ju Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 indeed, especially in the 21st century, it seems like the duty to ask the other person out is no longer a gender oriented sport. it sounds like things are all ready in motion for the two of you, but it seems as though you may feel the need to take it to a different level. i think that asking for a date & asking if he wants to be your boyfriend, are two very different things. I suggest: start by asking him if he'd like to go out for dinner with you ... or get together for a beer ... or coffee. you don't have to specifically ask for a date. given the previous context, he will probably be aware that you are asking him 'out'. just phone him up & ask ... its that simple. go out with him a few times, & think about what your specific needs are, & imagine how they would apply in a relationship between the two of you. when the time is right, & you two are in a comfortable, private setting, discuss your needs in a relevant manner, & if he leaves you room, then ask him 'do you want to be with me'? he may say yes & he may say no. if he says no, you don't need to feel like your world is ending ... he may very well change his mind shortly after (expect the unexpected). good luck~
Konfuzion Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I would ask him to stop playing games... Then if you still want to go out with him ask him to if he would like to go out on a date, and if you want to be exclusive then thats the question to ask... Do you want to be exclusive?
prettybaby Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 he put me on the spot by saying that guys shouldn't always have to ask women out. are you serious? He said that? What did you respond to that? I would have joked: yes they should! hah It's weird that he would purposely put you in that position though. I guess you could just call him and ask what he's doing this weekend. That's what I did with the guy I'm dating now, and I didn't even have to mention dinner or anything; he got the clue right away and offered before I could ask myself. If your guy's being difficult about it, and you're sure you really really wanna go out with him: then call, ask if he's available (insert day here), and if he says he's available and then just sits there on the line and waits for you to offer something, then ask if he'd like to get something to eat with you on that day. It's really simple, and you don't have to make it a big deal. I mean, what's he gonna do? Say NO and laugh and hang up? LOL He won't. If you're pretty sure he already likes you, then heck, just go for it lol (it would still irk me that he said that though about guys not always asking women out) PS: Don't ever mention the words "date" and "boyfriend" when asking a guy out. It makes it sound too formal and adds extra pressure. Keep it light and casual!
Frankasy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I'm a guy and for us it feels really good when a girl takes the first step sometimes. It's not really that hard. The easiest way I can think of is that you call him on a weekend or anytime that he's free and simply ask him to grab a cup of coffee or something. Have a few good laughs with him and afterwords just tell him that you had a good time and would like to meet sometime again, dinner perhaps.
kashmir Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 are you serious? He said that? What did you respond to that? I would have joked: yes they should! hah Yeah, it seemed like a weird thing to say. While it's technically true, you don't come out and SAY it...you think to yourself, "Well guys shouldn't always have to ask women out, but I'm not going to EXPECT her to do anything...thus, I have to do it myself." Guys can have that philosophy, but as long as women don't have it then it's meaningless.
Author burningashes Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Ohh, some of you guys misunderstood my post- I meant that we have been going out on dates and so on. This is about being exclusive Yeah, it was weird that he said that guys shouldn't always have to take the first step, but meh, whatever, I'm up for the challenge. I'm just not sure how to bring up the "exclusive" topic, that's what I meant by asking him out. I know for sure that he wants to date me and the feeling is mutual for me, and he wants me to be the one to ask him out. It's just a weird situation but it's also funny too. start by asking him if he'd like to go out for dinner with you ... or get together for a beer ... or coffee. you don't have to specifically ask for a date. given the previous context, he will probably be aware that you are asking him 'out'. just phone him up & ask ... its that simple. go out with him a few times, & think about what your specific needs are, & imagine how they would apply in a relationship between the two of you. when the time is right, & you two are in a comfortable, private setting, discuss your needs in a relevant manner, & if he leaves you room, then ask him 'do you want to be with me'? he may say yes & he may say no. if he says no, you don't need to feel like your world is ending ... he may very well change his mind shortly after (expect the unexpected). I like this suggestion, "Do you want to be with me?" somewhere in a private setting at the right time. Of course, thanks for the advice, this conversation happened last night so I am definitely going to wait a week or so to have the exclusive chat with him. I really like him and would not mind dating him are you serious? He said that? What did you respond to that? I would have joked: yes they should! hah I did! In the beginning of the convo, and then he totally turned the tables around on me and put me on the spot. Fun stuff, eh?
Funkymonkey Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Have fun with this. You guys both like each other and want to date each other. So no pressure really. Enjoy it!
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