honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hi All, I will tell my story in short. My girlfriend and I had relation for 5 years. We both are 25. It started from our college days. She is the one who proposed. What made her more intrested in me is I never give importance to her. She is a great person. We were committed to each other and were about to marry in a year time. In between all these like all relations we had fights all due to my family. Less of personal fights. She thought I cant stand by her which was absolutely wrong. SO finally she broke off 4 months back. She said all good stuff about me that I am a great person.. I am just breaking a relation not cutting contact with u. And the golden words " will remain friends" and will spend time and She said wants to feel crazy about me. I was a fool that time as I saw much trust in her words that I agree. I still feel the decision was not her alone she was inspired by one of her male friend who told her if you cant give ur 100% dont be into relation...I dont know how love can be quantified. As expected nothing she said actually happened in last four months.. After that day I never begged her to come but I remain in contact with her. Initially she used to call alternate then....frequency is decreased to once in three days... I also keep contacting her...the last 4 months have been worst for me to handle... whenever I ask her to come out she gave excuses and normally goes out with her friend.....which she told is her best friend. she is contradicting her owen words every now and then.. We have met 3-4 times in last 4 months and that too casually. But i dont call her she calls me after 2-3 days...Dont know what she wants...our calls are like 5-7 minutes.... I want to end "just friends relation" by first asking her whether problems between us can be solved or not....I know i m late...u know but last 2 months were worst in my career as I lost job and cud not ask her as my priority was my job....Now I got job so thinking of deciding. Please suggest some way.........
Star Gazer Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 When you say you want to end the "just friends" relationship, do you mean that you want MORE than "just friends" or that you can't handle being her friend and need her to leave you alone completely?
Author honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Thanks for reply.... She opted for being friends becoz she said she will give some time to thinks to get settled.....but its been 4 months......Its only me who is asking to go out....she gave calls to me if i dont call for 2-3 days.... what i feel in last 4 months i have worked to problems which cause our breakup...one was family related which can be solved if we opt to live apart from my family.... and second was personal verbal fight for which both were responsible....(fight were also around family...no trust issues) u know but after breakup she deals me as a last person on her mind....her new friend has taken place for sharing feelings....If i am too bad why she is keeping communication..... so i want to hear from whether she wants to improve this relation...so that we can spend time and come close agin..... If not ...its really hard for me to keep this relation as i end up hurting myself....as i am doing 4 last 4 months
Star Gazer Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I can only assume that English isn't your first language, which makes it a little difficult for you and I to understand each other. To be clear, you basically want either to be back together as a couple, or cut off contact with her? Is that what you want? All, or nothing?
Author honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Ya english isnt my firt language.... Ya true All or None.... I cant keep myself in this kind of relation. I have given my heart and soul to this relation....same was her but i dont know what has happened to her.... I want to address those problems with her to status to know what she wants....please suggest me how to approach..
Surfer Dude Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Sorry to say this bro, and I know it sounds harsh, but you were probably dumped for another guy. The pattern of breakup is all too familiar and many people can attest this is exactly how it goes down when your gf wants to screw someone else. It might take months to recover, so don't beat yourself up for feeling sad. Take your time to feel sad and to grieve the loss. It will get better, I can promise you that. And btw, just cut all contact with her. There's absolutely nothing for you to gain from this "friendship" where she dictates when you're gonna hang out and how long you're gonna hang out and if she feels like hanging out. Good luck.
Frankasy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I strongly suggest that you don't remain friends. Friendship can be turned into love but love can't be turned into friendship. It's pretty hard and weird to shake someone's hand when some time ago you two used to kiss. At first you both are gonna pretend to be ok with it. Sooner or later one of you will find another person, the ex will probably get jealous and ruin your relationship with the other person. Trust me it's best that when you break up with someone, you never talk to them again.
Konfuzion Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Second vote for cutting all contact with her.
Author honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Surfer Dude...... Thanks for replying....... The biggest problem is signals she gives..I will share with all...I will also appreciate if I can get any girl point of view on this to understand my gf view....... Initially she maintained frequent contact(may be to get over me) and told me this person is her best friend....and has told him dont ever think about her....however they spend lot of time together being in same company..... We had 5 yr relation...prior to that both of us were not in any kind a relation If I dont cal her for 2-3 days she calls me to know where I am upto....and all that stuff.... I lost job in between and she called me often to know about me...whether i got job.....(finally I have got two jobs)... Everytime she went with this guy she tell to me(I dont know truth or lie)..and in the end make stress that he is her best friend... she still uses email-id which has my name attached to it...in alll communications with everybody...her latest resume.... If I dont pick her calls...she keeps on trying atleast 3-4 times in a gap of 2 hours...... I tried NC but failed 4th day coz that day she called me 5-6 times...before i picked call....... I just want to sit once with her...to know whether things between us could be solved or not....and take action accordingly..
Author honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 waiting for some suggestions from any body who has gone thru this kind a situation.......
trueblue72ny Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 my suggestion, just be up front. maybe you can tell her you are not comfortable with the situation. i am not trying to predict anything but there seem to be some red flags here. you guys are not together , and now she is hanging out with another guy. what do you think about that? myself, i would not feel good about that. my suggetion, just tell her you would like to be together. if that is what you want. and if things dont live up to your expectations than you will have to back off, and tell her you are not comfortable with things. she will know what you mean. people are smart. and everyone knows what it feels like when someone wants to be around.
Konfuzion Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 She is stringing you along as the fall back guy in case things dont work out with this "friend".
Author honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Even I am eager to talk to her to know where future will head towards... I asked her to meet so that we can talk upfront......however she is also delaying this.. She knows what I gonna talk but dont know if she is not intrested anymore why the hell she is keeping intrest in calling....... You know she can talk and let me know what she wants and If she dont want to continue she can move anywhere...... Can I say she is into a rebound relation even if it is not serious....
trueblue72ny Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 lots of people have been in your shoes so you are not alone. i have been going thru something similiar myself. my ex gf of 3 years said good bye to me about 5 months ago. then she said she wanted to be friends, "but not yet" i want to be friends but not yet. she says its because i am not ready and doesnt want to hurt me all over again. that sounds nice, but i think she is seeing someone sounds more like it, and she is waiting to see how that works out. i go with my gut feelings at this point. i asked her to go out for a bite to eat to clear the air. shouldnt be a big deal if everything is good and she wants to be friends right? but she refuses. she gets mad at me and blows up. eventually what happened was i got frustrated with hearing the someday, but not yet line, and told her maybe we shouldnt talk until i contact you! she got mad and hasnt talked to me since. but at the same time she is over on my side of the office all the time (we work together). her last day before vacation (last friday) she dressed up in the outfit i like and wore my boots i gave her last xmass and was making sure i saw and heard her. but yet wont talk to me. its not by accident she does this. its very confusing to me. she does this on purpose but yet wont talk to me. you will get sick of the games after awhile. its hurts not to talk to them a lot!!, but its hurts even more when you let yourself get dragged thru the mud all the time.
Author honey2910 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Even I am tired of all these tantrums she dont wants me out of her life and still want to be with me.........what the hell it is....... She is enjoying her life....I have been on the other end but never showed her that I am alone or dejected...... In last 4 months I think I have sacrificed my self esteem......I should have initiated NC from day1....atleast I would have been in much better state even if I wud not have got her back... I have ruined my GMAT exam....was hoping for 700+ and end up in 670 range.... To be her friend was worst mistake I did.....but it was not my fault I trusted on her words and she made mockery of all........ I dont know how long I am gonna take to get over her......I canfollow NC but she will catch me ne how.....
Recommended Posts