A questionnaire about kids

[someone6789]

Hi all,

my gf just prepared a questionnaire abut having kids. We are arguing about whether we should have kids or not (she says yes. I say no). So, we prepared a quick survey for you to ask about your opinions. The survey is anonymous, and no personal data is collected (we created it on surveymonkey).

 

Here is the link to take the test

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=TaaYhDYegmyraHM_2bABho5Q_3d_3d

 

Also, your input is very welcome in this thread.

 

Thanks a lot in advance

[Eve]

May I ask how old you both are and your marital status? I say dont have children if you dont want to.. and let your partner go. Or have a child and see how things progress if the relationship is stable. You may be surprised to find that you are a really good parent! Pregnancy, birth and all of that is quite a beautiful thing. In fact the time after having a child is the most precious experience on this earth! I am not sure that the balance in a relationship would ever be right if one party gave up their desire to have a child.. especially if the lady in the relationship is experiencing the true deep calling to have a child. This is something extremely serious and I feel SO much for women who experience this and for biological reasons cannot have children. Its quite like a painful desire that can utterly grip a person. Why do you not want a child? Why does your partner want to start a family now? Would you be open to starting a family after achieving a milestone or are you totally against having a family?Regards,Eve xx

[Walk]

Well, I was going ot take the survey but I don't really fit in any of the categories you chose, so I'll put my response here.

 

3.6 million years of procreation, a base instinct to keep the species alive... it's hard to fight that. Men are pushed to procreate in the same type of way in that they need sex. Even how we judge prospective partners is based on a desire to procreate.

 

I think most importantly though... the divide between you and your gf (seperate sides on the kid issue) is going to be a massive problem for your relationship. Your gf isn't going to NOT want kids in the future. That isn't going to go away. And even if you do convince her that logically it makes no sense, the instinct to procreate will still be pressuring her to have children. You might convince her for several years that having children is a bad idea, but I guarantee that when she hits her 30s she's going to toss off any logic and hit you full force with a need to have children.

 

You're not doing her any favors by trying to convince her that her desires are illogical. Either join her camp or split, but this issue won't go away. And you aren't going to win. It's instinct, it's illogical. It's along the lines of a man's need to have sex. It comes down to how we were programmed to keep the species alive.

 

This is coming from a woman who has never wanted kids... I hit my 30s and that stupid biological clock has been SCREAMING! I know it's illogical, it's irrational... but it won't shut up.

[BadKittyNo]

The thing is, you can't compromise on the kid issue. It's not fair to anybody involved if you try to. You'll always know that you really didn't want that kid, your partner will always know that you really didn't want that kid, and eventually the kid may find out that they were not truly wanted by BOTH parents. There will always be that undercurrent of ugliness in the family.

 

IMHO, let her go and find a woman who wants what YOU want in life. I have known several men who didn't really want kids but either gave in to the nagging and whining for a baby, or who were stupid enough to have unprotected sex with a woman who had a baby agenda. NONE of the relationships worked out. Do you want to risk being saddled with child support on a kid you never even wanted? And then dealing with a bitter shrew of an ex who hates you for not sucking it up and playing daddy for the rest of your life?

 

It is a very expensive mistake to make and one that is SO very easy to prevent.

 

If you are not 100% committed to the desire to parent a child, then don't help make one.

[lovestruck818]

Hi all,

my gf just prepared a questionnaire abut having kids. We are arguing about whether we should have kids or not (she says yes. I say no). So, we prepared a quick survey for you to ask about your opinions. The survey is anonymous, and no personal data is collected (we created it on surveymonkey).

 

Here is the link to take the test

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=TaaYhDYegmyraHM_2bABho5Q_3d_3d

 

Also, your input is very welcome in this thread.

 

Thanks a lot in advance

 

I think you should wait until you are married before having kids...

[lovestruck818]

Well, I was going ot take the survey but I don't really fit in any of the categories you chose, so I'll put my response here.

 

3.6 million years of procreation, a base instinct to keep the species alive... it's hard to fight that. Men are pushed to procreate in the same type of way in that they need sex. Even how we judge prospective partners is based on a desire to procreate.

 

I think most importantly though... the divide between you and your gf (seperate sides on the kid issue) is going to be a massive problem for your relationship. Your gf isn't going to NOT want kids in the future. That isn't going to go away. And even if you do convince her that logically it makes no sense, the instinct to procreate will still be pressuring her to have children. You might convince her for several years that having children is a bad idea, but I guarantee that when she hits her 30s she's going to toss off any logic and hit you full force with a need to have children.

 

You're not doing her any favors by trying to convince her that her desires are illogical. Either join her camp or split, but this issue won't go away. And you aren't going to win. It's instinct, it's illogical. It's along the lines of a man's need to have sex. It comes down to how we were programmed to keep the species alive.

 

This is coming from a woman who has never wanted kids... I hit my 30s and that stupid biological clock has been SCREAMING! I know it's illogical, it's irrational... but it won't shut up.

 

You are so right. I broke up with my last boyfriend b/c he didn't want kids (ever) and I did. We obviously were not ready at the time, but like you said, I knew he wouldn't change so I bailed...b/c I didn't want to end up marrying him and being childless. Kids are def. something I want.

[quankanne]

I've got a relative who put off having kids for the longest time, and found just about every excuse possible to avoid even *thinking* about them. But when his wife miscarried two babies in the early months of pregnancy, he realized that he loved those kids like nothing else even before they made their appearance. Now they've got a toddler, and he couldn't be happier about being a dad.

 

there are some folks out there who just aren't interested in being a parent because they just don't like kids. And that's cool.

 

it's the people who say they don't want them, but will not admit it's because they're scared (of whatever) that make the situation a bit more exciting, so to speak.

 

at which point, you need to really figure out why you don't what children, and decide from there. No one should be forced into having children, but then again, no one should be denied, either.

 

as for me and DH, we're childless, though not by choice ~ it's just that some rednecks don't breed well in captivity. I will say that from the get-go, he has been open to having them if we were blessed with them, and that's gone a long way toward helping me accept my inability to get pregnant.

[Lizzie60]

I didn't look at the survey but from your post.. I say 'wait' for the kids.

 

Both parents have to be on the same page in regards to discipline, scheduling, etc...etc... this is primordial for the kids.