striker87 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hello everyone. I'm a long-time lurker of this forum not only to read and learn from other peoples experiences but to be able to relate to them and see that I'm not the only one who feel likes this. I think my situation may be a bit generic but at the same time it may be a little unique. I'll start off by giving you a summary of my situation than concluding it with how I reacted to the situation and where I am today. All comments are welcome and please feel free to share anything. My Story: Throughout high school I generally didn't get involved with someone but was rather more focused on my studies because I knew a relationship would have distracted me. I didn't talk to girls much either not because I looked down on them in any way but because I always feared that friends might start liking each other and one thing will lead to another and so on. There were girls that did like me but I explained to them I'm not ready for a relationship yet instead of leading them on and breaking off in a harsh way. But all of this changed in my final year of high school. I was introduced to this girl through a friend of mine. We got along very well and started talking to each other alot more than what normal friends should have been. Soon I realized that I was seeing her more than just a companion. Than I understood she felt the same way as me too. Sigh. This lead to her being all turned on and off and on and off and on and off ...... it was pretty bad. We got into arguements about why shes acting this way and I started resenting her too.....one hell of a start. I thought I'd be able to let it go but I couldn't for some reason. After my final year ended. My ex decided to call it off completely during the summer saying she didn't know what she had wanted and a bunch of other typical excuses like lets just be friends.....let me see more guys.....give it time....its not a yes or a no...blah blah blah. I literally was devastated. All her friends thought what she did was wrong and so did my friends. To cope with myself I realized that I should talk to as many people as possible in first year university not only to find a new girl but also redeem my confidence which I had lost. To my surprise four girls ended up liking me but I told them I can't start a relationship with them because I felt as though it was just my first year and I couldn't be distracted as well. But at the end of the day I realized its because I still had feelings for the girl I liked in high school. So one of my ex's friends out of curiosity ended up asking me why am I turning all these people down......and I told her its because I still had feelings for her. So then this friend actually told my ex about my situation who was surprised and wanted to get along with me and what not. I was a bit cautious but she assured me that she wouldn't act the same way she had before so I gave in. Big mistake. So then we were together for about a month or so until she ended it off again in a very very brutal way. She started distancing herself and started giving me excuses as to why this won't work out and everything. I was confused. But then I realized its because she was having one of her on and off phases all over again. Then she said something like how im too liberal while her being religous makes her conservative....which wouldn't be an ideal match as she would rather want someone who is just like her too. If you ask me...sounds more like some political bullcrap just to get me off her back. I could've as easily grown religous with her as well. The only difference was that I didn't practice it but still had my values. Anyways, I asked one of her friends whats her status and to my surprise she was saying how I'm too controlling/possessive and will be an arrogant if she was with me instead of telling them she'd rather want someone just like her because she knows others would think thats not a right excuse. She started telling me how she wants to see more guys since I too had my chance, or asking me to wait for her 5 years down the road, not ready yet and on and on and on. She broke up with me a weak before valentines. My Reaction: To put all my post-breakup experiences in one word -- devastated. There were nights where I couldn't sleep properly because of what had happened. I ended up losing weight since I lost my appetite due to this matter. I struggled at school too at the time. I was depressed because I regret how I let her take control me, our bond while it lasted, and how she backstabbed me to her friends which were also mine. I stopped talking to all my friends that were associated with her because I didn't know who to trust. I was all alone....in a bottomless pit. I did have friends that helped or whom I shared my grief with but like all heartbroken people...that alone didnt cut it. I had to cut out soo many people. I vowed to myself that I won't get myself close to girls ever again until I graduate. I'm sometimes upset at the fact that I still think about what had happened even when it was about an year ago and how it alone is dictating my life to this day. But I pray to God that I'll study hard at school, get involved at my campus and oneday be so successful and larger than life that my ex will regret ever having to leave me. But if I keep thinking about her frequently, I'm sure its not some infatuation but instead is the real 'thing' even though she was my first. Soon after she left I was forced to cut off all contacts with her and anything that reminded me of her. At the same time I'm glad because I realized how commited I can be to a girl and not use her (which I never will) even after others liked me and wanted to be with me I still wanted to be with my high school sweetheart. I even think that our paths will cross again or hope sometimes that she'll come back to me in future. Though its bad I still can't help thinking about it. Currently I'm in my second year of undergrad ----- I apologize that I wrote a long post. But please any comments would be appreciated since its a long time since I shared this story of mine with anyone else.
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