alwayssme Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Do any of you guys feel like someday (when your healed, moved on and happy with someone new) you would get in touch with your ex and actually let them know (in a mature way) all the crap they did to you and what you went through and how wrong they were for all the things they did to you? I NEVER let my ex know about things he did to hurt me while we were together AND after we broke up. I took all the blame..i apologized for things i did wrong (which is good) but i didnt even point fingers at him...he knows he really hurt me when he broke up with me... I don't know why but I crave for some satisfaction out of this...Like I want to come out on top but someday i do want him to know that i found out about stuff he did, that the fact that he lied to me so many times was not cool....he would constantly talk to this chick and tell me he "didnt" only for me to open his phone and find stuff then him saying shes just a friend...i know he never cheated but still, he was a good b/f, yet he still had his flaws and mistakes.....i just want him to know that alot of the things he did hurt me and also that im truly sorry for the mistakes i made (i let him know about that).... I want him to care and feel remorse..... I want to talk to him again in the future...
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Let's keep this short and sweet: It's a very bad idea. Just don't. By doing this, you're looking for closure in one way or another. Look deep enough. Or you just want to plain help the person by bringing light to their flaws. This is generally a mistake, because they need to realize it on their own and fix it on their own. If you call attention to what they did wrong, then they have a better chance of never changing it, due to the fact its YOU who's telling them that. (Which correlates to the history you have with that person). To them, it may seem pretentious, and as if you're only doing it to get the "final word", or the leg up. You are forever useless in their eyes, as far as helping them goes. Unless they directly ask you for your opinion and help. I should've just kept it short and sweet by saying: It's a bad idea.
thisismystory Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 depends on the kind of person actually. my first boyfriend....we ended badly. he cheated on me but lied to me (and all our mutual friends) about it. one day....he called me up and said "i'm sorry" all of a sudden. this was 2 years later. and it was until then i opened up to him all the crap stuff he did to me. yet i acknowledged i was at fault too. but either way.....we came to the realization ourselves and talking about it and saying "sorry" to each other made me feel a lot better. my second ex. i can't imagine talking to him ever about what went wrong. we're friends now and we ended mutually because if personality differences. he's a distant and not emotional person. mentioning it would only hurt the friendship because i think what's in the past is in the past. i don't think he realized he was being a jerk. and no matter how many times i told him in the past....he still won't realize it.
RnRigney22 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Do any of you guys feel like someday (when your healed, moved on and happy with someone new) you would get in touch with your ex and actually let them know (in a mature way) all the crap they did to you and what you went through and how wrong they were for all the things they did to you? I NEVER let my ex know about things he did to hurt me while we were together AND after we broke up. I took all the blame..i apologized for things i did wrong (which is good) but i didnt even point fingers at him...he knows he really hurt me when he broke up with me... I don't know why but I crave for some satisfaction out of this...Like I want to come out on top but someday i do want him to know that i found out about stuff he did, that the fact that he lied to me so many times was not cool....he would constantly talk to this chick and tell me he "didnt" only for me to open his phone and find stuff then him saying shes just a friend...i know he never cheated but still, he was a good b/f, yet he still had his flaws and mistakes.....i just want him to know that alot of the things he did hurt me and also that im truly sorry for the mistakes i made (i let him know about that).... I want him to care and feel remorse..... I want to talk to him again in the future... You want him to feel the pain that you felt (or something comparable) , and this is perfectly normal. Humans are built to desire superiority over those that cause pain to them, and although it would feel good to know that he is sorry, it's something that he must do on his own. You can't make someone with a small heart feel pain when they don't think they did anything wrong. On another note I hope you find peace in your heart regarding this issue, and I understand what you are going through.
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