Same BS, Different Day

[Ocean-Blue]

I am honestly trying to figure out if it's just me. Am I seriously selfish and totally f'ed up that I can't see what he sees? I am trying to be very objective and rational.

 

I have a great deal to lose here. I'm 27 and my parents have met him now...we are supposed to get married (both our families more or less expect it now). If if we break up now, it'll be a shame (considering I broke it off with my ex after many years together).

 

I thought we had chemistry. I don't know. He says he hates sex and doesn't find it enjoyable b/c I'm so annoying and bitchy and totally dramatic and childish so he's rarely in the mood. He treats me like I'm like some annoying pest.

 

For the sake of objectivity, let me sum up his feelings as I understand them:

- I annoy him because I want to spend a lot of time with him and he doesn't want to spend as much time (he works, I'm here on holidays and am due to return to school, 3000 miles away, in Jan)

- I am too sexually intense (this was in the past - I lost my virginity to him); now I don't initiate or ask about it...I just let it slide and we don't really have sex often (he seems to like it this way - he says reasons for not initiating or having lots of sex: no place to do it, though he now owns a vacant condo, sans furniture, his back isn't that great, he can't get me off so what's the point, etc)

- I am childish, I don't "get" things and I'm plain stupid (I behave immaturely and need to be told the obvious; I freak out about everything and he finds me mentally weak)

- I am selfish; everything revolves around me and since I can't have things my way, I get mad

- I act like a bitch and throw fits because I want to wear the pants in thsi R and he won't let me, hence the drama

- he thinks I'm mentally f'ed up (literally those words); he's told me many, many times to seek professional help as I have some serious dysfunction...he is sure of it, actually

 

What the hell. I can't breathe. I am ready to punch the wall. He's such a freakin' arrogant bastard. A large part of me wants to break it off...start fresh. I'm 27 and I've never dated. Never. I have had two boyfriends. Both were serious right from the get go. It's culturally unacceptable to date...and now, at 27, I don't even know how I'd go about it.

 

I keep going in circles. I'm sick of it.

 

I hate feeling like I have nothing to offer a man. I mean, I think I'm beautiful (sometimes). I've written some decent papers... I love animals; I feel real empathy when it comes to an animal. I dunno... I KNOW I can't be THAT bad. I just can't be.

 

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm on the brink of madness and banality (that is, a life of monochromatic nothings).

 

After he ripped into me, in his matter-of-fact way, I asked him what all of this meant. He said he'd sleep on it and let me know tomorrow.

 

Good f@cking night.

[DSM-IV Tom]

I'm most interested in the parts where you speak of only feeling empathy for animals; or especially for animals. Do you not feel it so much for people?

 

Have you been through any traumatic experiences growing up? If so, and you don't mind talking about it, then what were they?

[Ocean-Blue]

I'm most interested in the parts where you speak of only feeling empathy for animals; or especially for animals. Do you not feel it so much for people?

 

Have you been through any traumatic experiences growing up? If so, and you don't mind talking about it, then what were they?

 

Sure I feel empathy for people - especially children. I guess I don't feel as much empathy for adults (compared to what I feel for kids and animals).

 

I'm not sure how your qs are related to my OP.

[Touche]

Awww, hugs to you OB.

 

I've always thought there was too much drama in your relationship. And it's not just on your part.

 

The simple fact is that you don't accept/embrace each other as you both ARE. You see what I'm saying?

 

If you have to twist yourself up into a knot to please him, and vice versa then it's simply not the right relationship or man for you.

 

You should really re-think the whole dating thing. This is YOUR life, not your parents. You're almost 30. Live for you, not for them.

 

If you marry this guy, you'll never be happy. And you are beautiful...inside and out. Your spirit has always come through loud and clear on here. You really deserve nothing less than the best, OB. I hope you know that.

 

Please don't settle. If you stay with him you WILL be settling. You should not want to marry a guy who thinks you're mentally effed up.

[Star Gazer]

The only thing he says about you that I can sorta see is that on occasion you're a little b*tchy. But aren't all women at times?

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. These are not the sort of emotions you should be experiencing when deciding whether to marry someone.

 

I know I can't relate to your culture and its impact on dating, but at some point you have to do what's best for YOU. If that means rejecting your culture's standards and expectations, so be it...ya know?

 

27 is still so very young. I say get out there and enjoy your life and meet someone who won't make you feel this way.