SQL Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hi, I was google-ing and i found this site....after reading some post. I'm glad to come across this site. Anyways, here's my story..it’s long..I would appreciate If you can can read it through as it’s not easy to describe with just some words. Thank you! I have been with this girl for 4 years, just like any other relationship we had our ups and downs. But, it started two years ago, I left nyc to visit my family back home, due to some family issues. I stayed there for awhile and when I returned my girlfriend wanted to break up with me, at first I thought that's b/c I yelled at her and fought over the phone when I was away. But I did apologized for being like that, I was too stressed with family dilemma..so when I was talking to her over the phone..i took my anger on her. She said it's okay on the phone. I thought that was it. But, as I said, when i returned...she wanted to break up. I didn't let her..instead talked it out and made her understand. Everything was good and she has been so good since but after awhile I found out that she cheated on me while I was away..with this guy over the NET. She used to talk to him over the phone and AIM. She told me she never met him but only once at this event that took place in her college..and she got introduced through her friend b/c that guy likes her friend and stuff. Since than she never met him, just spoke to him over the phone and aim about her friend and that’s how it started between them. One day, I asked her about it and she started to cry and said sorry. She told me that If I were to walk away, she would not hold anything back b/c she deserves it. Even though I was hurt, I didn't want to let her go esp since she told me that there was nothing between him n her except she used to talk over the phone and aim..(n liked him). Which, I somehow didn't/don’t believe b/c the aim logs i saw didn't seem like something really "light" rather as if she was with him with option that she would leave him once I returned..b/c she loves me and she wants me…from logs it sounded somewhat like that. Though she swore that she never met him? Anyways, Later..on..just when you think life is great especially because I have been doing everything to make her happy for the past 4 years. I was a HS drop out, but for our future sake, I went back and got my GED and started college and a job. So, that we can have a better future together. I have done everything to make her happy...I always made sure that she is happy with everything. I have given and showed her all the good time you can possible think of. She meant everything to me and she has told me so much about future and how she wants everything with me. Like, how she wants her wedding to be like, she even gave me the list and told me how many kids she wants to have and what their names will be and how she will raise them and so on. At first, I laughed it out and forgot about it but eventually I started to feel the same way…esp when I saw her coming over to my place making things for me like a wife..it kinda got to me..and i started seeing her vision as my own. I started to feel these things about wedding, family, kids, etc. I have been doing everything for her sake, for her dreams and wishes...b/c that made me happy..seeing her happy. I even gave her a promise ring on her birthday and took her to a very romantic restaurant. She was very happy..and we made love that night. She never showed me that kind of passion while making love..It was the best..even tho we have had a lot before. This was so much different. But just recently...we started arguing over stupid things like…me being jealous and her spending more time w/her friends..she never seem to find time to hang out with me. She always had excuse with me about education..but she would always hang out with her friends or w/her sister n her sis's boyfriend. Slowly, I became less important to her and she would always talk to me abt how bad she is doing in edu and stuff. But, If I tell her…don’t hang out so much w/ur friends or sister…and u won’t do bad. She would get upset a lot. So, I stopped and let her come to me whenever she liked…I stop complaining about a lot of thing. She would always accuse me of not trusting her even tho I did, she would always think I’m doing something behind her back and stuff…which got me really pissed and then she said, she wants to brk up after couple of days not talking to eachother. She goes she had time to think about it..and decided that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. When it wasn’t even that serious? Her reasons---b/c it will never work out..b/c I dnt trust her (how abt her not trusting me?) n our future will be hell..cuz we think differently?(wait,,,our difference what got us together in the first place..so why is this excuse now?) she just gave me no valid reason at all. It felt like she was looking for a chance for me to *** it up so she can take that chance to break away *me being at fault*..but I was really surprise…and didn’t accept that..tried to make her understand but that didn’t work. She said, it’s decided. No matter how hard I try it wont work. I mean, after so much we have been through? After I have done so much…never thought abt myself..always abt her…she made me all those promises to be together forever…and so many other promises..that she would always be here no matter what happens. I’m everything to her..but why this than? She wouldn’t answer..she never responded..she didn’t wanna meet me..or face it. She kept running away..and kept ignoring me. I told her, if that’s the case than face me and tell me to my face..she refused. She said she cares and loves me but can’t be with me. This is making me miserable and I’m so depressed and in so much pain that I feel so lost..i don’t even know anything. I was in depression over family prob for long..but got through it with her by my side..but she left me in the same place now. And nothing seems to make me feel better at all…partying, hanging out w/friends, spending time w/family. No matter what I do, it’s always her..no matter how busy I am..it’s always in my head her thoughts..and all those things she has said….keeps playing in my eyes n head. I’m not hurt that she left but rather those words and those things she has done what’s killing me. How can a person with so much of love that made me crazy and made me fall so hard for her..do this? Also, recently (after a month and half) she called and said she still has feeling for me and loves me….and wants to be part of me…n part of her. B/c she feels something is missing from her life. She wants to be a friend..she cant be in a relationship with me but would like to be friend..and at the same time..she was saying ..we can have something more than friendship..if it happens…n right way she changed it..by saying she just wants to be friend. And guess what? She’s dating another guy..but she has no interest in him whatsoever. She told the guy everything..and she told him she still loves me..cares and wants to be my friend. She’s confused but refuses to say that she is..she says she’s not confused about anything..this is what she wants and she couldn’t be herself or be her when she was w/me..she had to someone else to be with me? (for 4 years u can do that? Why? I didn’t ask u to be with me?) idk what she wants now..i mean idk what to do..i want to be her friend..so maybe I can get her back? Then I think abt all the things she has done throughout our relationship..like me being the last thing in her list..and never made me feel as special as I always made her feel..and always had my head down..to her family…sibs and friends. Always felt not good enough no matter how hard I tried. A part of me told her..”NO” and I told her I’m sorry..i love you and care about you..but I can’t do this..can’t be friend..like you can..putting feeling aside like it never happened..and be w/some other guy..and be friend again. She was like then get a gf and then we can still be friend? I was like wtf? Told, her not to call me..she told me she will call me no matter what. She wants to know abt me..what am I doing ..how am I doing..what’s going on with me etc? and she was like if u dnt talk to me..”how will u know if I died tomorrow? Dnt u care abt anything?” I felt so bad. Then, I was thinking seriously? When u broke up..where did you leave me? Did you care..when I was there..u didn’t even wanna talk to me..didnt even contact..didn't even replied to my txt, voicemail..n the time I was waiting for you to come. And now you come and ask me this? I just don’t know what to do. this pain is so unbearable esp b/c I have been hurt so many times by friends backstabbing, family members ruing my life..and she knew everything..told her from day one..dont be with me..if u can’t keep my trust..and I have been through a lot and I don’t need a relationship do the same. I wasn’t serious about her but she made me serious like this…and now says she can’t be serious? You decide…what should I feel or think? I want to move on but I don’t know how to or even want to..b/c she has been the best thing..even tho we had worse thing..but its like in my head her good always taking over the bad thing she has ever done.
BackonTrack2 Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 your girl is gone, maybe for good, maybe not. she already made the decision in her head to leave you, she just haven't found someone yet. she accusses you of cheating and not trusting her because she has a guilty conscience. right now your her safety net guy, she's keeping you on a string because her current relationships or people whom she is having sex with is not fulfilling all her needs, someone is missing from what you give her and what they give her. a females emmotions are all lied up between their legs, if she's not having sex with you... her love is fading each day for you, when was the last time you had sex with her??? she's gone for now, best to go NC, don't talk to her, no matter what. don't be the fall-back guy, (thats who you are) something is wrong with her and she's unsure if she wants to be with you, she's so unsure, he started to have sex with other people and since you didn't drop her like a bad habbit she think its OK and you don't mind. its over, end it now. start looking for someone new, she's not going to come around. ------------- whatever she's doing, sooner or later, those 4 years are going to start to hit her and she'll come looking for you but just note, at this point in time, she is no longer your girlfriend, you are no longer together, she can have sex with anyone she wants, she's using you for emmotional support, your being USED and your letting yourself be USED. end it now before it gets worse, its going to get worse. stop talking to her completely, no im's no text, no nothing, cold turkey, its time for rehab. good luck
letters Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 Ah, she's a classic case of *I-want-to-eat-my-cake-and-have-it* Obviously she wants something in you that she thinks she'll never find elsewhere, but she also wants something else she is not quite sure what it is. She reminds me strangely of myself. I'm concerned about you though, I think you should ignore her, tell her it's over. She needs tough love, so deny her of that attention she is craving from you. If you don't answer her calls or give her attention, she just might be cured of this sillyness- I know I would be.
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