saturnfell Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hi, Recently, I've been in contact with someone who was very close to my heart. He left me three years ago and we have not seen or spoke to one another since. I didn't think I would ever see or talk with him again. When I saw him, he said many things to me, things I never thought he would say. He told me he has thought of me for the past two years, that no other relationship compares to aspects of how ours was, that our circumstances are different now and things were done for the wrong reasons in the past. This is only a portion of his spoken words. I listened, but cannot stamp his words with a mark. I have not experienced contact like this. From my experience, losses are losses and people don't find themselves thinking about one another such as this and coming together again. If you asked me what I believed in, I don't know if I would be able to tell you. Did we stand the test of time? Was the timing wrong in our past, but different now? Do people find each other again? Were we brought back together through fate? Thanks for your thoughts.
2sure Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 If he has not married in the past 3 years you may be able to reconnect. The only thing to be careful of would be if he recently had a break up. Its very very common after a break up to try to reconnect with someone you already knew. Even this might be OK, but you dont want to be the rebound or the one left if he goes back to a different relationship. I know, too much caution - but all true! I hope you found the real thing
Author saturnfell Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 He hasn't been married. To be honest, looking back at the past and where I am today. This entire situation is bringing up a lot of questions in my own mind. I'm not the type to present concerns / questions to someone. Is there a best way to go about doing this? I'm afraid to end up hurt by this.
openbook08 Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t169800/ check out this topic
Author saturnfell Posted December 25, 2008 Author Posted December 25, 2008 I spoke with him yesterday. He asked if I wanted to get together when he's back. I'm very resistant to answer these questions. I don't want to seem to excited, or happy we're talking again. I have a million things going through my mind, and I can't separate them apart. I feel badly because I don't want to be open with my feelings, and put things on the table. The only question I've asked is if he still cares (answered yes) But I can't bring myself to ask anything else. I feel like my restraint on conversation hurts the opportunity we're having. He's the type of person who if isn't 100% positive of my feelings, he won't give his up. He doesn't want to open up to me and be denied. He's used to being on top of things, and i'm not going to let this go by his rules this time. I'm just afraid i'm hurting what could be an opportunity to come together down the road. Should I be open with him?
LavendarGirl Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 You don't have to be an open book to him, nor should you be expected to pick up your level of intimacy where you left things three years ago. I would say, if you aren't in a R right now, he's not in a R right now, and you have good memories about him, then meet him. If you remember what an overwhelming jerk he was (or something else, like maybe you were completely not compatible), then don't meet. Again, you don't have to be completely open and forthcoming to this guy at this point. If he presses an issue, you can say that you are not comfortable discussing x, and leave it at that. And if you don't feel like rehashing the past (or not now yet), you can make that a requirement for agreeing to meet him.
birdie Posted December 27, 2008 Posted December 27, 2008 openbook refers to my thread in her post above and maybe my experience is relevant. I met up with my ex and it was great. We were both a little nervous in the beginning, especially him I think because I am more used to catching up with former lovers than he is. We talked about whatever happened the last couple of years but not about any previous issues. I wasn't ready and I don't think he was ready either. That didn't stop us having a great time though, we agreed to keep in touch (although never really lost touch anyway, never had serious NC) and will see what happens. It is possible to meet up AND have a meaningful conversation and a good time together without some painful conversation that would rip old wounds open. My ex is the same as yours, he would never initiate anything that could hurt him so I knew beforehand that he wouldn't bring up a painful subject - that just suited me fine. Sure I recognise that if we decide to pursue anything serious we will have to talk. However I don't see why that needs to be done fast. Hope this helps
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