Attention whores

[motive2002]

Post #1000

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, this sprouted into 4 pages!

 

On more than one occasion, I've had exes, or past flings tell me what a great guy I was.. or how they thought in retrospect what a mistake it was for passing me up. Maybe it was because I was a good companion to them, or because I could talk to them about anything and we generally got along really well.

But, they had to "keep their options open". They didn't want to settle because maybe this guy was more handsome, or that guy was more mysterious, or had a fatter bankroll or whatever. They overlooked the great guy that was right there in front of them the whole time. I'm far from perfect, and if that's what you're looking for then you're gonna have to just keep on looking in vain.

 

I think that to have any sort of long term relationship, you are gonna have to settle in some way or another. For every prospective partner out there, there will always be someone better looking, or more in tune to your interests, or have more money etc. If you keep chasing after the "bigger, better deal" you'll just be chasing your own tail. You can justify it by saying "I enjoy being single" or whatever, but when it comes down to it, you'll still want someone to keep you warm at night. Someone to care for, that truly cares for you in return. That's not settling. Not in my book.

 

When I came to this realization on my own terms, I was "ready to settle down" but it came too late in life. It came during a revolution in female attitudes that are glued to the TV with "Sex in the City" and so on. The independent woman that "doesn't need a man in her life".

 

Someday I'll meet someone with some real integrity. Until then I refuse to be another manipulated schmuck strung along by a woman that's "happy to be single".

motive, right now you're battling self-esteem issues due to your last relationship. It's almost like you feel women are settling for you. Don't you want "the one" to view you as "the one"?

 

That's why the word "settling" is so wrong. You're not settling if that person is right for you. They might be considered "not right" for anyone else but for you, they embody all the high points.

[Rebellious]

The fact that these "attention whores" are still "looking around" proves that they are not finding what they're looking for. Why? Because smart girls know how to go after what they want, so all the good guys are taken and the "attention whores" keep picking through the leftovers.

 

So these women continue to "date" until the "right one" comes along. In the meanwhile they're "in-between relationships" permanently. The problem is that while waiting for "the one" they have needs to which they succumb occasionally thus ending up in interim relationships, booty calls, one night stands, bad marriages, etc. Interim partners on either side may have a genuine interest and get hurt.

 

Fast-forward a few years. I'm looking at the available 40+ women, with few exceptions they're overweight single moms, angry divorcees with a grudge, with unrealistic expectations and very few choices. So the cycle goes on. Does that make any sense?

[motive2002]

motive, right now you're battling self-esteem issues due to your last relationship. It's almost like you feel women are settling for you. Don't you want "the one" to view you as "the one"?

 

That's why the word "settling" is so wrong. You're not settling if that person is right for you. They might be considered "not right" for anyone else but for you, they embody all the high points.

 

The word settling is wrong because it implies that you've given up. You're saying to yourself "This is the one person that will fulfill all my needs."

No one person will ever be able to do that. You may spend a lot of time chasing after something that doesn't exist. The bigger better deal will always be out there in your mind... but it's unattainable.

 

I guess the alternative is to date around and get the little pieces from each different guy that you like without ever accepting one of them as a whole person.

[Trialbyfire]

The word settling is wrong because it implies that you've given up. You're saying to yourself "This is the one person that will fulfill all my needs."

No one person will ever be able to do that. You may spend a lot of time chasing after something that doesn't exist. The bigger better deal will always be out there in your mind... but it's unattainable.

 

I guess the alternative is to date around and get the little pieces from each different guy that you like without ever accepting one of them as a whole person.

There's no doubt that everyone is flawed, myself included and especially. Conceptually, it's the high points that matter, not necessarily every detail.

 

Each person reacts to different triggers. For example, myself, interest generates interest. The easiest way to shake me is to show no real interest. It makes me think, okay, he's either not interested or gaming me, and I wander off.

 

For you, it might be that you need to feel nurtured, etc, etc.

 

It's not the bigger, better. It's the feeling of a mature relationship, one where both people are honest in their emotions. Giving and taking. I used to believe this was possible. Whether it is or not, whether the issue is within me or the men I give the green light to, who knows for certain at this point. Realistically speaking, it's probably a combination of both. It's a life-time journey of self-discovery.

[Bells]

The word settling is wrong because it implies that you've given up. You're saying to yourself "This is the one person that will fulfill all my needs."

No one person will ever be able to do that. You may spend a lot of time chasing after something that doesn't exist. The bigger better deal will always be out there in your mind... but it's unattainable.

 

I guess the alternative is to date around and get the little pieces from each different guy that you like without ever accepting one of them as a whole person.

 

Right...so as opposed to pursing the unattainable....ya might as well "settle"

 

The Sub-title to that article that says, "The Fading Line between compromsing and settling"

 

The article is written to women who...THOSE women think they are "Settling" when they only would date a guy that's less than 6 feet or isn't the "bad boy" they want...or doesn't wind up getting ALL the laundry list requirements fulfilled.

 

The "Fading Line" is so true to life, because alot of single women these days THINK it's settling...when it's not settling at all.

[VivaciousSoul]

 

The title of this thread makes me smile and almost makes me laugh.

 

It can been seen in two ways, maybe even almost three.

[Isolde]

Wow, that MSNBC article IS depressing as hell. She actually advocates marriages that are completely devoid of attraction just so you have a companion!? That's messed up. Now, I don't believe in "soulmates", and I'll be fine if I don't end up marrying someone I feel the most intense chemistry EVER with--but I'm a firm believer that harmony in a marriage requires a balancing of traits and qualities--how can that be attained by marrying someone who loves you more than you can ever love him, someone you can't even hug?!

 

Settling isn't even the same as arranged marriages. Those are usually arranged by people who know you well and hopefully know your worth--with an eye to compatibility. And, people can usually still screen potential partners and choose from several possible mates.

 

Settling eliminates the element of choice for women, which is extremely disturbing to me--because the way I see it, women already have less power in relationships than men, which is ok by me--but NO power? That's just unfair.

[Bells]

Wow, that MSNBC article IS depressing as hell. She actually advocates marriages that are completely devoid of attraction just so you have a companion!?

 

That's a strawman argument that you're attmepting. She is advocating no such thing.

 

She is advocating chronically single women to "get with the program" and start being more realistic in their selections

 

There's another article I could post or put here, but I can't remember any keywords to it to Google it...it's about a man that has a dating service for having people meet for Lunch.

 

He wrote an article stating his encounters with female clients who would not "settle" on certain men, mainly it was physical appearances.

 

He finally had a "heart to heart" with one of his female clients in her late 30's , never married, no kids (for obvious reasons) a working woman.

 

He said the best he could come up with as a match for her (in personality and looks) was man that was around 5'10" tall. And he was trying to talk her into at LEAST doing lunch with the guy. And he co uldn't do it for the life of him.

 

He eventually broke down and said, "Hey, it's time to be more realistic in your expecations, obviously, you're not going to find EXACTLY what you're looking for".....she got all huffy, grabbed her purse and bounded out of his office.

 

He just shook his head, and this is one of the many women he encountered with his clientelle.

[movingonandon]

That article is one woman's opinion. I'd like to know what she looks like. A lot of women (especially these days) have no interest in having and rearing children so I don't see a need to rush into marriage for these ladies. If they are pretty and sexy and guys fall all over them - why does the OP care so much. It is clear to me that the OP has trouble landing goodlooking women and is bitter about it. My advice to the OP would be to date women who are more on the "homely" side and then perhaps he can get a wife. BTW if a woman has been previously married and divorced before the age of 30 she may take forever to choose a partner. She already knows it's no big deal.

 

In my mind the problem is not finding and bagging a hot chick - it's being done all the time. The problem is that even if you do it, a woman with this mindset is a waste of time. No sane man would even attempt to be devoted to her and to love her - what's the point if she's just looking for the next better option?

 

I've said this before, and will say it again: the sexual liberation of women is of course a great thing, but it created a lot more difficulties for the already difficult process of marriage. As a guy, I have no interest in being devoted and vulnerable with a woman who believes that her sexual powers entitle her to everything to endless stream of admiration and attention. Since today, of course it is (and should be) perfectly acceptable that a woman lives her life this way, I will happily date her, but I will never marry her (a generalized her, obviously). Why? Because the chances are that at the signs of the first difficulty she'll be inclined to bail (which in many cases is something as ridicolous as a vague feeling that she isn't getting what she believes she "deserves"). That's why women who chose to bask in the apparent benefits of enjoying their sexual freedom without working on their character may have trouble ending up in good marriages.

[kashmir]

 

The title of this thread makes me smile and almost makes me laugh.

 

It can been seen in two ways, maybe even almost three.

 

Lol. When I first saw the title I thought it was going to be a guy asking a question to any whores on this board.

[movingonandon]

Community service (article suggested by somebody else earlier)

 

http://phocks.org/stumble/husband-store.php

 

The Husband Store

 

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of

the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item

from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you

CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign on the door reads:

Floor 1: These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:

Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.

 

 

Editor's comment: there is a lot more wisdom in men's preferences as illustrated in the Wife store than women give us credit for --> If your wife f***s you all the time, chances are everything else in the marriage is going be ok (or you have no time to bother with it because of too much sex; either way, it's all good). It is *very* hard to view a woman who has ongoing appetite for sex as an annnoying nag longing for fairly-tale crap. (And conversely - a lot easier to view her as a sidekick with whom you could take on the world) m2C

[redfathom]

I do hate when woman spends a lot of time thinking about men and wanting men to hit on her just for an ego boost. All the while complaining about not being able to maintain or even get into a lasting relationship with any men. IMHO it's because they spend so much time worrying about their ego that they never spend a second worrying about what they want in a relationship and how to get it.

 

So then their expectations are never met and they continue even while in a "relationship" looking for more men to boost their ego's.

 

I can't tell you how many countless conversations I have had with my single friend about how attractive men find her. She isn't stating facts, she is asking me: "Do you think men find me attractive?" "How many guys do you think will hit on me?" "Do guys hit on me?" etc, over and over again.

 

Then she she does get into a relationship it lasts for a short amount of time but all she can focus on is that she was in this short relationship at all, which in turn answers the above questions. Yet, she forgets the important one: "If I am so wonderful which has been proven because this guy wants to f*ck me, why can't I keep these guys."

 

Sure, almost any girl out there has the opprotunity to get laid, everday by different guys if they want, so why do girls spend so much time worrying about...and not thinking about what they actually want. I mean guys are programed to want to have sex so getting a guy to have sex with you is not very hard. But if you want me to congradulate you I will - congrats!

[MN randomguy]

Wow, this sprouted into 4 pages!

 

On more than one occasion, I've had exes, or past flings tell me what a great guy I was.. or how they thought in retrospect what a mistake it was for passing me up. Maybe it was because I was a good companion to them, or because I could talk to them about anything and we generally got along really well.

But, they had to "keep their options open". They didn't want to settle because maybe this guy was more handsome, or that guy was more mysterious, or had a fatter bankroll or whatever. They overlooked the great guy that was right there in front of them the whole time. I'm far from perfect, and if that's what you're looking for then you're gonna have to just keep on looking in vain.

 

I think that to have any sort of long term relationship, you are gonna have to settle in some way or another. For every prospective partner out there, there will always be someone better looking, or more in tune to your interests, or have more money etc. If you keep chasing after the "bigger, better deal" you'll just be chasing your own tail. You can justify it by saying "I enjoy being single" or whatever, but when it comes down to it, you'll still want someone to keep you warm at night. Someone to care for, that truly cares for you in return. That's not settling. Not in my book.

 

When I came to this realization on my own terms, I was "ready to settle down" but it came too late in life. It came during a revolution in female attitudes that are glued to the TV with "Sex in the City" and so on. The independent woman that "doesn't need a man in her life".

 

Someday I'll meet someone with some real integrity. Until then I refuse to be another manipulated schmuck strung along by a woman that's "happy to be single".

 

I watched the MSNBC video, Didn't read the article, maybe that woman is a bit extreme. There are wackos in every camp. But back on topic. OP makes a good point and it is something to look out for. Remember, "keeping your options open" is by definition dying alone. Don't be upset if you're successful.

[MN randomguy]

I do hate when woman spends a lot of time thinking about men and wanting men to hit on her just for an ego boost. All the while complaining about not being able to maintain or even get into a lasting relationship with any men. IMHO it's because they spend so much time worrying about their ego that they never spend a second worrying about what they want in a relationship and how to get it.

 

So then their expectations are never met and they continue even while in a "relationship" looking for more men to boost their ego's.

 

I can't tell you how many countless conversations I have had with my single friend about how attractive men find her. She isn't stating facts, she is asking me: "Do you think men find me attractive?" "How many guys do you think will hit on me?" "Do guys hit on me?" etc, over and over again.

 

Then she she does get into a relationship it lasts for a short amount of time but all she can focus on is that she was in this short relationship at all, which in turn answers the above questions. Yet, she forgets the important one: "If I am so wonderful which has been proven because this guy wants to f*ck me, why can't I keep these guys."

 

Sure, almost any girl out there has the opprotunity to get laid, everday by different guys if they want, so why do girls spend so much time worrying about...and not thinking about what they actually want. I mean guys are programed to want to have sex so getting a guy to have sex with you is not very hard. But if you want me to congradulate you I will - congrats!

 

 

Dr. Freud in the house.

 

Someone didn't get enough attention from her father and is looking to men to validate her.

[TwilightSky]

Really, even IF certain women were going about the dating scene the wrong way (I'm not saying they are, just a hypothetical)...why would I care? I have no problem attracting girls, but wouldn't want to get hitched with 90% of them. Looks have nothing to do with it either, a number of hot girls have approached me. As far as a long-term relationship goes, though, I want something a tad more cerebral than just "she's hot!" And I'll keep my eyes perpetually open until that opportunity comes along.

 

While I think the keeping the options open mantra CAN be taken to an extreme, it's everyone's personal choice and not for me to obsess about. As long as I'm happy and the people I care about are the same, why worry? Being somewhat secure in yourself is the key, IMO.

[lino]

I know this type of woman well, I see them and am around them all the time. It's best to just not give them that attention.

[Bells]

You know what's real funny....I have contacted women on dating sites that were on the hefty side....few pounds overweight or something, even the not so attractive....and these women STILL want the "hunks".

[Ross PK]

You know what's real funny....I have contacted women on dating sites that were on the hefty side....few pounds overweight or something, even the not so attractive....and these women STILL want the "hunks".

 

You know what's even more funny? The women who aren't attractive and who are desperate, and would have anyone, still don't want me.

[Ariadne]

are holding out for, not Mr. "right" but instead Mr. "perfect"...It's getting old fast and I hope there's some other guys that have noticed this trend. Maybe I'm just.. being my neurotic self?

 

No, both men and women have incredibly high expectations.

 

Basically, they all want to date out of their league. That is, someone much more attractive, richer, smarter, etc than they are.

 

If you read the threads here about what men want, you´ll see what they need to settle. Which is more or less the perfect woman as well.

[Trialbyfire]

This thread makes me think of all the issues that surround online dating. If you go catalogue shopping, you're not only going to look for the most attractive "item", you're also going to look for the best deal.

 

Overall, if catalogue shopping isn't doing it for you, why aren't you saying frack it, this is a waste of time, back to real life shopping?

 

No offense to anyone who enjoys this medium but aren't you being lazy and overly selective, when catalogue shopping? If you're being rejected time and again through online dating, are you yourself looking for someone you're not bringing sufficient assets to the table to attract? Is it always everyone else's fault whereby you're the victim? Are you certain you're not the issue?

[Joyvke]

You know what's even more funny? The women who aren't attractive and who are desperate, and would have anyone, still don't want me.

 

Sorry I just wonder Ross. Why do you bring yourself down? I think this is the second post I've read where you're not very positive. From what I can tell on your avatar you look good. You don't come over as an idiot either from what I can tell as well. So stop bringing yourself down! .

 

I used to have situations where I had 3 guys who liked me, but I always told them kindly I wasn't into them. I don't want to lead anyone on, even though I do like attention. It's plain wrong. I wouldn't want to be lead on either.

[Ross PK]

Sorry I just wonder Ross. Why do you bring yourself down? I think this is the second post I've read where you're not very positive. From what I can tell on your avatar you look good. You don't come over as an idiot either from what I can tell as well. So stop bringing yourself down! .

 

I used to have situations where I had 3 guys who liked me, but I always told them kindly I wasn't into them. I don't want to lead anyone on, even though I do like attention. It's plain wrong. I wouldn't want to be lead on either.

 

I know I know, but I also have photo's where I look bad, and it's more harder to be socially skilled and confident offline.

 

What I'm saying when I'm talking about women not wanting me, is through real life experience.

[Joyvke]

Everyone has photo's like that Ross. I sometimes see pictures and I'm like "what the hell. I'm pretty sure I look better than that!" .

 

Not sure what I can say about the RL experience, but don't "look" for it I guess. That way when it comes to you it comes. Or something ^^.

[Ross PK]

Everyone has photo's like that Ross. I sometimes see pictures and I'm like "what the hell. I'm pretty sure I look better than that!" .

 

Yeah, but how do I know whether I look like how I do in my good photo's or bad photo's in real life?

 

By the reactions I get off women in real life, it seems like I must look like how I look on my bad photo's.