MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I'm not sure I understand. You're saying that this article takes the heat off of you because it suggests women settle, which to you means date you? I think it means that he isn't the messenger being killed for saying that no woman is worthy of the perfect man because she's not perfect herself. Happily forever after is a fairytale. For richer or poorer, for better, for worse is marriage. Every relationship involves some compromise. The problem is that there are so many Carrie Bradshaws out there that won't go on a second date because she doesn't like his sweater. Well, guess what, maybe he doesn't like Sarah Jessica Parker saggy boobs, but, hey, nobody's perfect.
MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I know I wouldn't want to be the guy she "settled" for! Gee, how special! Valid point. It doesn't work, tried it. I try to stay away from older women for this reason.
Trialbyfire Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Why do all you guys always say that women are unrealistic? Not all women are unrealistic. Is it wrong to want someone who can bring to the table, an equal amount of what you bring to the table? If anything, I think there are so many guys out there looking for the trophy girl, while they bring nothing to the table in terms of honest emotion or much else, for that matter.
MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Why do all you guys always say that women are unrealistic? Not all women are unrealistic. Is it wrong to want someone who can bring to the table, an equal amount of what you bring to the table? Fair enough, not all are unrealistic, just that some are. They tend to be habitual daters. So, the smaple that guys date is skewed that way versus the general population. The smae works in reverse with players. Lots of decent guys out there. They only date a handful of women.
Trialbyfire Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Fair enough, not all are unrealistic, just that some are. They tend to be habitual daters. So, the smaple that guys date is skewed that way versus the general population. The smae works in reverse with players. Lots of decent guys out there. They only date a handful of women. The dating process is intended to weed out the incompatible so yes, some women date a lot. Same as some men who are looking for "the one". No one has to settle for someone who's not quite right for them. It doesn't mean that either men or women are bad, bad people. As long as they're upfront about what they're looking for, it's all good. For that matter, what's the matter with men or women who aren't necessarily looking for "the one"? It's okay to date who you want and *gasp* have short-term or casual liasons. Not everyone is at the same stage in life, looking for a breeding partner...NOW!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Guys can be attention whores too. Just go metro and be like Ben Stiller in Zoolander. Then there will be no guys complaining about women being attention whores.
Star Gazer Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Isn't it funny that other than the author, the only people pushing the "settling for good enough" agenda are the men who are repeatedly rebuffed by women who have BETTER options?
movingonandon Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 It's like every woman I meet these days. The more guys they get attention from the better. Meanwhile their standards and expectations become so lofty for anything long term, but hey why worry about long term when there's dozens of guys you can flirt with and no strings attached? The get the validation they want, the sex they want and are holding out for, not Mr. "right" but instead Mr. "perfect". It's getting old fast and I hope there's some other guys that have noticed this trend. Maybe I'm just.. being my neurotic self? Just bone as much of these hos as possible and don't sweat the rest
movingonandon Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Isn't it funny that other than the author, the only people pushing the "settling for good enough" agenda are the men who are repeatedly rebuffed by women who have BETTER options? If this was true (that they had so much better options), we wouldn't be seeing the staggering number of women who are in their 30s and single - because they would've excercised those "better options" . Can't helpt but wonder if the creepy baby boomer parenting that convinced them that they are "special" has something to do with it . (also, just to set the record straight, unless we're talking about athletic and sensitive wall-street tycoons, who are rock-stars on the weekends, most women have no better options than me )
Star Gazer Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Women are 30 and single today by choice, not because of a lack of options. It's not the 60's - we have careers, lives all our own and don't NEED a man. As a result, we marry when we're ready, when we find someone we WANT to be with forever. Until we find that person, why bother? I could have easily married at least 7 different men by now if all I wanted was "good enough." Blech, no thank you.
movingonandon Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Women are 30 and single today by choice, not because of a lack of options. It's not the 60's - we have careers, lives all our own and don't NEED a man. As a result, we marry when we're ready, when we find someone we WANT to be with forever. Until we find that person, why bother? I could have easily married at least 7 different men by now if all I wanted was "good enough." Blech, no thank you. That is true, but except for a few lucky ones that look great even at 40, the quality of the men they're able to attract begins to taper off - or at least shifts to a different demographics - in mid/late late 30s. Moreover, all else equal, most women would *prefer* to be done with the LTR and marriage stuff by 35, if given the Brad Pitt option, uh-oh.
MN randomguy Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 The dating process is intended to weed out the incompatible .... As long as they're upfront about what they're looking for, it's all good. Not everyone is at the same stage in life, looking for a breeding partner...NOW! True. It is important to be honest about what you're looking for. Deal is, if you're EVER going to get married and have a family you WILL do it before age 40 no matter what blah, blah blah stage in life, Dr. Phil crap. Your ovaries don't listen to Dr. Phil or watch SATC. That is where the woman on the video got caught. She said that when she was 32 10 years ago there were a lot of good, not perfect guys. Do the math. Now she's 42 and most likely as barren as the Sahara. But, now she wishes she would have had kids that's all. Guys can be attention whores too. Just go metro and be like Ben Stiller in Zoolander. Then there will be no guys complaining about women being attention whores. The women who go for those guys are entirely incompatible with me. So, if you want to leave your testicles at home and go out as Zoolander, sweet. Women are 30 and single today by choice, not because of a lack of options. It's not the 60's - we have careers, lives all our own and don't NEED a man. As a result, we marry when we're ready, when we find someone we WANT to be with forever. Until we find that person, why bother? I could have easily married at least 7 different men by now if all I wanted was "good enough." Blech, no thank you. Its not a better option then. Its the possibility of a better guy coming along. That's fine. You choose to hold out for a better one. Doesn't mean that he'll come along, or that when he does he'll be interested in you. But, you've taken the option to keep fishing. This isn't personally against you. Question though. In these 7 times, didn't you find out that he was only "good enough" long before he proposed? When you say that you could have married 7 times by now does that mean that you've been proposed to 7 times or just had 7 guys really into you?
Bells Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 If this was true (that they had so much better options), we wouldn't be seeing the staggering number of women who are in their 30s and single - because they would've excercised those "better options" Exactly.....she said that "funny that the mean are rebuffed by women are always the one that got blown off for BETTER options" I'll shall add MORE onto that sentence. ....and better....and better...and better....infinity" To these women, there's always something BETTER, they get bored easily, the grass is always GREENER senario, etc. Also google "The Husband Store" it displays how women can think there's alwasy a "Better Floor" of husbands. When you say that you could have married 7 times by now Wow....now she's just bragging. LOL And she shot down each one. I guess she feel she has no regrets of not even shooting down even ONE of the Seven?
Bells Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 That ridiculous writer is just the same.Interesting.....I'm on the side of the writer, and I'm thinking those 4 women interviewed thinks the same as well. You don't think that piece has SOME merit to it...come on, does it not make sense to a CERTAIN extent? Not an inkling? The woman has come to realize how unrealistic the single woman is being when seeking out a mate. They don't want to date a guy less than 6 feet tall. They don't want the bald guy, they don't want the guy who makes 30K a year, etc. Those are just examples, so she's saying it's time to re-consider those guys. GREAT article! It really hits the nail on the head with a lot of modern single women in the dating scene.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 You guys should read the article. Don't just watch the video. She sounds more sane in the video, but off her rocker in the article. She has no problem with marrying a GAY man or a man who gives her SHIVERS down her spine when she thinks of embracing him. Loco.
prettybaby Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I think this is a pretty weak thing to discuss in the first place. You really cannot generalize and put the exact same label on all single females out there. There are "attention whores" everywhere, and they're not always women If you, as a guy, find yourself constantly surrounded by those types of women, then you need to ask yourself some serious questions, because there is definitely a wider variety of single females out there. Perhaps you're the one attracting such women? Or maybe you only socialize in places where those women are? Or maybe you got it all wrong to being with, and have a false perspective of what women are truly like. Maybe you need to change something about yourself? Lighten up? Take things less seriously? I don't think most women are THAT picky. We just want a man who we find physically appealing (doesn't necessarily mean he has to be smoking hot; if a guy is attractive in my eyes only, that's all that matters ). We also look for a man who stands on his own two feet, is sensitive, yet strong enough, financially and emotionally stable, and most important: won't judge us and love us for what we are. Basically someone we "click" with. It's funny though, because last time I checked, that's also what men look for in women ...
carhill Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 OP, loved the thread title (got me to look) but will not watch video or read article. IMO, if you want to get laid/have a relationship/get married, eliminate negative energy and women occupying the same space. It's a karmic thing If you're not feeling positive, neutral energy is fine. Women do what they do. It's not men's job to figure it out. Personally, I'd rather design their shoes
prettybaby Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 They don't want to date a guy less than 6 feet tall. They don't want the bald guy, they don't want the guy who makes 30K a year, etc. Those are just examples, so she's saying it's time to re-consider those guys. GREAT article! It really hits the nail on the head with a lot of modern single women in the dating scene. Because short bald poor guys are doomed to remain single ...? Plenty of ugly bald shorties out there who are happily married though and don't make a lot of cash. Isn't that strange?
orangehose Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 If this was true (that they had so much better options), we wouldn't be seeing the staggering number of women who are in their 30s and single - because they would've excercised those "better options" . I think 1. women's financial independence and 2. the increased social acceptibility of being a single woman primary explain the 'staggering' number of thirty-something women. But sure, because women don't need men for economic survival, they've become a little pickier. I can allow that. I do agree that some women can be picky about frivolous things. For that matter, men can sometimes have pretty unrealistic expectations about looks and sex, thanks to the porn industry. But this woman is advocating marrying GAY men, marrying men you wouldn't want to sleep with. I find it strange that the men on this thread are so supportive of her opinion... wouldn't they prefer to be single, and left to their own devices, than married to an unhappy woman who thinks low of them and won't even have sex with them?
stillafool Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 That article is one woman's opinion. I'd like to know what she looks like. A lot of women (especially these days) have no interest in having and rearing children so I don't see a need to rush into marriage for these ladies. If they are pretty and sexy and guys fall all over them - why does the OP care so much. It is clear to me that the OP has trouble landing goodlooking women and is bitter about it. My advice to the OP would be to date women who are more on the "homely" side and then perhaps he can get a wife. BTW if a woman has been previously married and divorced before the age of 30 she may take forever to choose a partner. She already knows it's no big deal.
Trialbyfire Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 BTW if a woman has been previously married and divorced before the age of 30 she may take forever to choose a partner. She already knows it's no big deal. Yes. It had better be a big deal before I ever get married again. Realistically speaking, I can't even get myself excited about relationships, nvm taking the plunge again. This attitude will probably morph over time but for the interim, I'm happy just dating. This doesn't mean that if the right man happens along, I won't be open to a relationship. It doesn't make the rest of the guys I've dated, terrible/horrible/any negative stereotype. They just weren't right for me but they could easily, easily be PERFECT, for a substantial percentage of the female population. It's annoying when men draw blanket conclusions due to personal bitterness. It's so much easier to externalize issues rather than look internally, to see why you're drawn to or attract the wrong kind of person. If it makes you bitter or unhappy, break the cycle. If you're fine with it, then be fine.
kizik Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Attention is just a natural advantage women get. You can't fight it, nor should you, because men have their share of natural advantages as well; it's just that our society has become so soft that those advantages don't really make much a difference. There are still ways to use those advantages, but I won't get into that now. So some woman you meet might have 3 other handsome, smart, and successful guys simultaneously going for her, and you come along and despite all you've got going for you, she still has no more value for you. So what. Screw her. While I have no reason to believe this, I know there have gotta be some women who don't play that game, just as there are men who don't care to put too much effort into a social scene. You've got the women who love guys' attention and will always have another guy in the picture because no one is perfect for her. Then you've got the guys who play into that and compete to rise to the top of women's ladders. It's exhausting just thinking about it, let alone doing it. Like, don't people have better things to do besides reveling in the attention they get from guys or the girls they get to sleep with? I don't know...read a book, write a book, cure cancer, etc... My son, you have made me proud. I promise that from this day forth, I will never contradict you again. -kizik
tkgirl Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 NO, THANK YOU. I am not interested in anything less than the guy who is perfect FOR ME. yeah! until the perfect guy FOR US comes along, who said a girl can't have some fun meeting different guys.. how else are we supposed to meet this guy anyways? And if all these different guys want to shower us with "attention" then who are we to stop them?
kizik Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 ...if you want to get laid/have a relationship/get married, eliminate negative energy and women occupying the same space. It's a karmic thing If you're not feeling positive, neutral energy is fine. Women do what they do. It's not men's job to figure it out. Personally, I'd rather design their shoes This is probably the best advice/insight I've seen on this thread. Many of us here on LS are post-breakup cases, and I think this inevitably skews our views of the opposite sex, at least for a little while. The trick is to not let this happen. I could go on thinking all women are attention whores, simply b/c my ex was, or b/c my recent interactions with some chicks have been really annoying... but that contradicts the knowledge in my heart that there are some really awesome, cute, sweet, adorable, beautiful, loving, loyal, devoted, dependable, and amazing women out there. You have to focus on the love inside of you, motive, or your pain is going to tear you and your life apart.
Author motive2002 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Wow, this sprouted into 4 pages! On more than one occasion, I've had exes, or past flings tell me what a great guy I was.. or how they thought in retrospect what a mistake it was for passing me up. Maybe it was because I was a good companion to them, or because I could talk to them about anything and we generally got along really well. But, they had to "keep their options open". They didn't want to settle because maybe this guy was more handsome, or that guy was more mysterious, or had a fatter bankroll or whatever. They overlooked the great guy that was right there in front of them the whole time. I'm far from perfect, and if that's what you're looking for then you're gonna have to just keep on looking in vain. I think that to have any sort of long term relationship, you are gonna have to settle in some way or another. For every prospective partner out there, there will always be someone better looking, or more in tune to your interests, or have more money etc. If you keep chasing after the "bigger, better deal" you'll just be chasing your own tail. You can justify it by saying "I enjoy being single" or whatever, but when it comes down to it, you'll still want someone to keep you warm at night. Someone to care for, that truly cares for you in return. That's not settling. Not in my book. When I came to this realization on my own terms, I was "ready to settle down" but it came too late in life. It came during a revolution in female attitudes that are glued to the TV with "Sex in the City" and so on. The independent woman that "doesn't need a man in her life". Someday I'll meet someone with some real integrity. Until then I refuse to be another manipulated schmuck strung along by a woman that's "happy to be single".
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