lonelygurl Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I feel so lost and lonely. I miss my X so much. It is keeping sick and in a pit of a dark depression. The movers came yesterday to get his stuff. We had some emails back and forth. He said that we can still talk about things, when I don’t know. When he left he said he wants me to work on my depression/myself. I left it too late to tell him that my counselor and I had decided that I needed to stop working to work on my depression/therapy and repairing our relationship. Communication broke down on both sides. I’m still deeply hurt that he could just leave a note and walk away without talking about it. When we met almost two weeks ago I told him about this and suggested counseling but he said not right now. But now with our emails yesterday he says we can talk about things. But in one of the emails he says wouldn't you rather have someone who's better with the kids and can communicate better. I told him I would like for us to learn to communicate better. I feel so confused as to what to do? I was really hoping we could get some help and work this out, but I just don’t know what he is really thinking or what to do?? :sick:
MWH Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I too have an ex who sent me all kinds of mixed messages and changed her mind at the drop of a hat. Mine promised me to get help and go to therapy and I wanted to go too. She even invited me to join her once but sabotaged it by picking a fight. She declared herself "cuured" shortly afterwards. Right up to the bitter end I begged her to go to a counsellor with me but she then climaed she "was too tired" to "work" at the relationship any more. The truth of the matter is she is afraid. She is afraid that her horrible ways will be brought to light and that someone other than I will see her as she really is. As far as I'm concerned anyone who is afraid of a therapist is afraid of themselves. Cowards. For me I figured out that the very best thing I could do was to accept her most recent dumping of me and move on. I have had no contact with her whatsoever and the longer I am away from her the better I think and the better I feel. Maybe the best thing for you is to focus on yourself and not worry about what he is thinking. Some people change their minds as it suits them and their needs. My ex was really good at changing it up at the last second. It kept me guessing and scrambling around like a rat in a maze and it made it that much easier to control and manipulate me. I would still like to get a therapist for myself to recover from the abuse and the stress it has caused me but I'm self-employed and in bad financial shape so this forum and friends are my "therapists" fo the time being. If you can perhaps you should see a therapist on your own for YOU to help you with your confusion and depression. I wish you the best and I hope you feel better right away. Peace, MWH
Author lonelygurl Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 Thank you MWH it helps to hear from someone who has gone through something similar. I am continuing with my group and one on one therapy. I will have to just keep working on myself and stop worrying about what he is thinking or what he is up to. I'm sure he doesn't give a care in the world about me. I can imagine by now he has a new girlfriend. Thanks again.
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