smiiiley Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I have been miserable for the past 4 and a half months that my ex left me. I cry almost everyday and I have this pain in my chest that never leaves. It hurts so much to live like this. I must add that at the moment I'm at home all day with nothing to do. I feel like at the most miserable time of my life, nobody is really there because everyone around me is happy and in love. I understand being alone and hurting builds character or may be a good thing for a little but I feel like this has been going on for too long now and I don't know what to do to stop it. I feel like whenever I reach out for help I get the cold shoulder...I try to be strong but I can't grasp something positive besides the fact that I'm healthy...I have applied for jobs and nobody is hiring me. I try to hang out with friends and they blow me off to be with their gf/bf...I want to reach out to my ex, but I am in no condition to handle him being cold. The only ones I have are my family which I am so thankful for. I don't know how my world turned upside down, when just 4 months ago I went on vacation with him..I had all my friends, I was so full of life...I had a good job, went to parties with everyone I loved...And now I am left alone in this cold world...I'm 20 and in college, always thought of myself as a strong girl but right now I feel torn, I feel like I have lost myself and sorry I know this post sounds like a big "poor me yadda yadda" but I'm sincerely hurting alot right now and this has been going on for too long. I don't know if this is normal..if i was suicidal i would have been dead right now ... I am considering therapy but i think "what is that going to fix besides them listening to me?" I am crying as I type right now because I don't know what to do to make this better. I am not for self-pity and self-destruction but the pain i feel is intense...im never used to being alone, i always had that comfort when things got tough and now that i dont, i dont know how to deal with it...i want to get away, i want to get back to the life i knew, to my old friends, my ex, my old lifestyle....but its never coming back I want to feel alive again I want to find myself again..
pushforward Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I have been miserable for the past 4 and a half months that my ex left me. I cry almost everyday and I have this pain in my chest that never leaves. It hurts so much to live like this. I must add that at the moment I'm at home all day with nothing to do. I feel like at the most miserable time of my life, nobody is really there because everyone around me is happy and in love. I understand being alone and hurting builds character or may be a good thing for a little but I feel like this has been going on for too long now and I don't know what to do to stop it. I feel like whenever I reach out for help I get the cold shoulder...I try to be strong but I can't grasp something positive besides the fact that I'm healthy...I have applied for jobs and nobody is hiring me. I try to hang out with friends and they blow me off to be with their gf/bf...I want to reach out to my ex, but I am in no condition to handle him being cold. The only ones I have are my family which I am so thankful for. I don't know how my world turned upside down, when just 4 months ago I went on vacation with him..I had all my friends, I was so full of life...I had a good job, went to parties with everyone I loved...And now I am left alone in this cold world...I'm 20 and in college, always thought of myself as a strong girl but right now I feel torn, I feel like I have lost myself and sorry I know this post sounds like a big "poor me yadda yadda" but I'm sincerely hurting alot right now and this has been going on for too long. I don't know if this is normal..if i was suicidal i would have been dead right now ... I am considering therapy but i think "what is that going to fix besides them listening to me?" I am crying as I type right now because I don't know what to do to make this better. I am not for self-pity and self-destruction but the pain i feel is intense...im never used to being alone, i always had that comfort when things got tough and now that i dont, i dont know how to deal with it...i want to get away, i want to get back to the life i knew, to my old friends, my ex, my old lifestyle....but its never coming back I want to feel alive again I want to find myself again.. 4 months isn't a long time to fully grieve properly. Healing isn't always linear. Life is changing for you in major ways, you must open your eyes and focus on the future. Right now, you are hurting, but know that pain is temporary and never permanent. Suicide is never the answer. You may contemplate it, but that's normal, so long as you do not act upon it. It sounds like you are suffering from depression, if your friends can't be there for you, maybe professional help is what you need. What things have you done to better yourself? Enrich your life, what have you been doing to fill the void? Life has it's ups and downs, you need to start rebuilding your life now, so you won't always be in this same cycle. You are alive, you can feel the pain and that's a good indication of being alive. You are finding yourself, you just aren't happy with the way it had to come. Sometimes you have to get a little lost to finally find your way. Focus on what good you have, your health, your family, your education, etc.. Your life was once good, it is achievable and obtainable, you just have to work at it. Have you tried praying? Getting in touch with your spirituality may help you. Do you have any family members that you could talk to? If you have nobody, keep posting, we're all here to help you.
LiveandLearn Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Your wounds are still fresh. It's normal to feel the way you're feeling after an end to a relationship you once thought was 'forever'. I recommend trying to keep a daily routine. If you go to the gym, make it a habit to go every ____day. Start a journal, if you haven't already. Create short term goals. Try to find some new hobby you've been wanting to get into, but never have. Or start doing things you USED to love doing, but since stopped ever since you started dating your bf. Try reconnecting with old friends you lost touch with when you started dating your bf. Try making new friends, whether it be online or out somewhere you usually frequent. As pushforward said, start praying, if you haven't already done so. Pray to that omnipresent being for strength to get you through this rough time. This is just another "ring of fire" that you have to jump through that will help mold you into who you're supposed to be. You will be a better, and stronger person because of this. There's no where else but up from here on out. I know what you're going through is difficult. We all do. That's why we're all here There's no way to erase the pain, but to just feel it, go through it, accept it, and then let it go. Things will definitely get better.
Peter_pan Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 good advice already said. you have to just know it will get better. you will become a better person, you will find someone better. your very young and your old bf didnt deserve you. its gods way of letting you know he just wasnt the one. and remember always try and smile just noted what you said here >> .i want to get away, i want to get back to the life i knew, to my old friends, my ex, my old lifestyle....but its never coming back you dont really want that back you just think you do. thats your old life, your comfort zone if you like, but again trust me, whats ahead of you will be 10x more fun and exciting DO hit the gym. i did and im so glad.
hereandnow Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Hang in there Smiiiley, hang in there for me! I'm going through a lot of the same hurt right now too, and it's rough. I'm 2 months out and I still fall back into denial a lot of the time. It's hard for me to look at the future positively. I still look back into the past and want that again. Someone posted this for me and it does help some. Think, "There's someone better for me out there," "my next love is out there just waiting for me." Stuff like that. It is scary facing the unknown future without the one we love, and reality is hard to face. We will be stronger from this. We will go through this. This will pass. Our future selves are looking back here at us, knowing this has passed. They're on the other side, waiting for us. We just have to take a few more steps!
PinkToes Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I'm in exactly the same space right now, and it's so hard to understand how nearly everything can fall apart so quickly sometimes. I'm just trying to remember that it's all very normal, and that things can turn around just as fast. When you go from up to down in a heartbeat, you can also go from down to up. Just stay stong, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and the tide will turn in your favor. I'm counting on it!
gd26 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 You mention that you are at home with nothing to do... that may be a big part of the problem. I went through that myself not too long back... I was feeling quite depressed and didn't even leave the house for a few days. However, I have gotten myself up and about, and I am feeling a good deal better by doing this. Go to the gym, go shopping, go see a therapist, go visit some friends (and do something fun, not talk about your ex)... all these things can lift one's spirits. I know things hurt, but you have to actively try to help yourself. The pain will still be there, but doing things will help take your mind off the hurt, at least to some extent. This is much better than sitting at home wallowing in misery. Life's too short to waste it like that. I am currently reading the book "Better Single Than Sorry". I really like the book... it's a great confidence booster for women. Being single really is way better than being in a bad relationship where you aren't valued and appreciated. With being single, you have time to focus on yourself and making yourself the best you can be. It's time that can be put to great use if you allow it.
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