mourningstrx3 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 hey guys, i was just looking for some advice from anyone if possible. for the past 2 years i have dated this guy..we will call him J. we spent every single day together and things were great. at some point, i dont know what happened but i feel like we fell apart. i know i love him, i know he is my best friend.. but i'm not sure if i am in love with him. i know i made a mistake. before i ever met this previous boyfriend, i dated a guy on and off.. let's call him "R" for 6 years. while i was with R, he hurt me alot. I know i was in love with him but he was always too afraid to get into a relationship and too cool to tell me how he feels. finally i ended things with R and i moved on. after i ended things he was trying to get me back for a long time. he changed alot, or so it seems he has. I hung out with him the other night and i felt that feeling that i used to get. in a way i feel like R is my soul mate, I feel complete when I'm with him.. but i'm afraid he would hurt me if I let him back into my life. He says that he wouldn't but there is so much pain from the past that I don't know if i can believe him. So last night when I broke up with J, I tried to tell myself that it had nothing to do with R, but in a way I know it did. I do care about J alot. Over the past 2 years he has become my best friend. The thought of him not being there is really really hard. I just don't know what to do. I know J loves me, I know he would never hurt me, I know he would always be there for me.. We just faught alot about him always being right, and stupid stuff. We put each other down alot and just hurt each other alot. When he left last night after the breakup, he looked so so sad. I know he loves me, but I knew I had to end it because I didn't want to hurt him. I don't know if im being stupid. If i made a mistake. I feel like i love them both but in different ways. R is someone who i've known my entire life. He gives me that feeling that noone else does. I feel really complete when I'm with him.. but I am afraid he will hurt me like he has so many times. J, he has done alot for me. I know he would never hurt me. We fight but he is my best friend and I know he would be there for me. I hate that he always needs to be right.. i hate it. Deep in my heart I feel like im not in love with him... that really I am still in love with R.. but why does it hurt so much to be without J now? Why do I feel like empty without him. R has hurt me alot, he has broken my heart so many times.. he has changed over the past 2 years i know that but J has not hurt me like that. How can I hurt someone who has never hurt me for someone who has so many times? I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. Is it possible to love 2 people at the same time? Or maybe it's because i'm so used to J being there all the time. I'm so lost and hurt right now. Please help neone.
Yamaha Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Or maybe it's because i'm so used to J being there all the time You know J feelings and that makes you less emotional towards him. You need to understand why you want to be with a man that hurts you and why he makes you feel complete. Do you see R as more manly than J?
Oscar51 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 This is easy. "J" will always be there for you and you know it. You know that you can have him whenever you want. He is NOT a challenge. "R" has that bad boy persona and has hurt you. You want what you CANNOT have, he IS a challenge. He probably stirs an attraction towards him that you cannot describe.
RnRigney22 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 hey guys, i was just looking for some advice from anyone if possible. for the past 2 years i have dated this guy..we will call him J. we spent every single day together and things were great. at some point, i dont know what happened but i feel like we fell apart. i know i love him, i know he is my best friend.. but i'm not sure if i am in love with him. i know i made a mistake. before i ever met this previous boyfriend, i dated a guy on and off.. let's call him "R" for 6 years. while i was with R, he hurt me alot. I know i was in love with him but he was always too afraid to get into a relationship and too cool to tell me how he feels. finally i ended things with R and i moved on. after i ended things he was trying to get me back for a long time. he changed alot, or so it seems he has. I hung out with him the other night and i felt that feeling that i used to get. in a way i feel like R is my soul mate, I feel complete when I'm with him.. but i'm afraid he would hurt me if I let him back into my life. He says that he wouldn't but there is so much pain from the past that I don't know if i can believe him. So last night when I broke up with J, I tried to tell myself that it had nothing to do with R, but in a way I know it did. I do care about J alot. Over the past 2 years he has become my best friend. The thought of him not being there is really really hard. I just don't know what to do. I know J loves me, I know he would never hurt me, I know he would always be there for me.. We just faught alot about him always being right, and stupid stuff. We put each other down alot and just hurt each other alot. When he left last night after the breakup, he looked so so sad. I know he loves me, but I knew I had to end it because I didn't want to hurt him. I don't know if im being stupid. If i made a mistake. I feel like i love them both but in different ways. R is someone who i've known my entire life. He gives me that feeling that noone else does. I feel really complete when I'm with him.. but I am afraid he will hurt me like he has so many times. J, he has done alot for me. I know he would never hurt me. We fight but he is my best friend and I know he would be there for me. I hate that he always needs to be right.. i hate it. Deep in my heart I feel like im not in love with him... that really I am still in love with R.. but why does it hurt so much to be without J now? Why do I feel like empty without him. R has hurt me alot, he has broken my heart so many times.. he has changed over the past 2 years i know that but J has not hurt me like that. How can I hurt someone who has never hurt me for someone who has so many times? I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. Is it possible to love 2 people at the same time? Or maybe it's because i'm so used to J being there all the time. I'm so lost and hurt right now. Please help neone. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I have been helping people get back with ex's for a long time and the main technique that I teach is avoiding contact for some time. This along with various other techniques really can make a person miss you, and wish they were still with you. You need to make a decision though. Loving two people at once is dangerous and will cause immense heartbreak. I hope you find a safe resolve to this problem soon.
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