IcemanJB Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 A few of you (Dmoney) know my story pretty well. I'll sum it up as briefly as I can. I met my ex a little over a year ago. We got along great right away, talking often, went on a few dates, etc. I was REALLY into her, but didn't know how she felt about me; turns out she was scared of making it known because she's best friends with my sister, and my sister and I are very close. She got drunk one night and spilled the beans to my sister, but sis is/was totally cool with it. Ex and I made it official in the summer, and things were AWESOME and progressed (maybe too) rapidly. She was over almost every day, and I fell for her; I fell face first. Just the little things about her drive me crazy - in a good way. She's awkward in an extremely cute way; has the same weird sense of humor as me, and other things that just can't be put into words. Her smile and personality just make me crazy. Then out of the blue she shows up to my place in tears one night. She could hardly speak, and had to sit there trying to calm down for a half hour before she did speak. Basically she just said a string of things she had been thinking about over the week regarding us, none of which made much sense. I straight up asked her if she's breaking up with me, but she couldn't give an answer. She frequently said "I want to be with you" - talk about a contradiction. Eventually I just told her it's over; mainly because of the distress she was obviously in - this is the hardest thing I've EVER done in my life. She came over a few days later again, because I wanted answers. She still couldn't explain why she needed a breakup, and just ended up crying in my arms the rest of the night. She claims she's never cried that much in a LONG time, and rarely does so in front of people. She's a rather closed-off person, and I finally was able to get her to open up a bit. I walked with her back to her place on that windy October night; I will never ever ever forget that moment we said goodbye, I've never been that sad in my life. I've never seen a girl so upset before - and I still don't know the exact reasons why. She continued contacting me for the next month and a half (we even ran into each other at a bar (sober) one night, and she "chased" after me as I was leaving, wanting to talk). I realized her contacting me was really really hurting me, and I emailed her telling her to stop about a month ago. She replied saying she understands, still feels awful about what she did to me, and that she isn't over it either. So I've gone about a month with NC. The point of this is, I was only dating her FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. WHY am I having such a hard time with this?! I've been with girls longer than this and been fine a couple weeks after we broke up. I just don't get it. I truly WANT to be over her, but I'm still crazy about her. I WANT to be her friend, but each time I think about it, I get really sad and realize I can't do it. She isn't seeing anyone else right now, but the thought of it drives me insane. I'm about to graduate college, and just landed a temp-job that has huge potential. I WANT to move on and focus completely on my future, which is very bright and open to anything, but I keep reverting back to my ex occassionally throughout the day. I don't get it. It just seems pathetic. I miss her terribly, miss talking to her, miss everything. It sucks. Considering the relatively short time we were together, is this something I should have moved on from by now? If so, maybe I need counseling or something...
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 It is not pathetic. You just happened to fall harder for a person in a shorter period of time. It is different for everyone everytime. It also may partially be that you want what you can't have. It is harder to be the one wanting something and getting nothing of value in return.
Dmoney28 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Hey iceman, a month wow, nice. Good job. And grats on your temp job and graduation. Dont feel bad about still being crazy about her. There is no time limit to "getting over" her. All of us are wired diffrently. It seems like you are person with a big heart and genuine feelings. You guys had a true connection and real chemistry. Now comes the million dollar question.....is it possible to get back with her and continue you're career path. Can you see yourself with her years from now. You guys are both kinda young. So do you think you guys can keep contact long enough to make a final choice down the road. Which leads to another question....can you be her friend, until the potential time comes? Now i totally understand the whole friends thing....its HARD, if not impossible. I was tricked to looking at my Ex's myspace page, and felt like crap when i noticed guys on her page posting messages....and her butt pics. So i cant help you on that. It took me a week to emotionally feel better ( even though i kinda deserved after what i did...and she admitted to putting them up as a front to piss me off and get "even"....sorry i digress). So take some time to search deep in side of your feelings and emotions. Good luck
Billie63 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 There's no explanation for why someone gets into our plasma like this girl has done. But I'm confused. She hasn't made it clear why you can't be together. I don't get it. All that weeping was for what? What is exactly keeping you two apart? Is there any chance that despite her loveliness etc, she's a bit of a drama queen and she's dragged you into the same drama hole that drama queens create for themselves? Or could it be that you're just 'too nice' and she likes more of a challenge? You admit that the relationship got heavy too quickly. What do you think?
Author IcemanJB Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 She's very certain she wants to return to Chicago to work, since she loves it there (born and raised). I want to stay in the midwest to work, for sure. The job I just took has an office here, and the main office is in Milwaukee; just up the lake from Chicago. So I just don't know...probably getting ahead of myself, lol. I really need to do some searching of myself to figure out what I see for the future. Right now I think I'll continue NC until things are more concrete. I'm still throwing around the idea of texting her on Christmas...but I'm not sure I'm ready. thanks for the input guys, and Dmoney, how many days NC are you with your ex?
Author IcemanJB Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 There's no explanation for why someone gets into our plasma like this girl has done. But I'm confused. She hasn't made it clear why you can't be together. I don't get it. All that weeping was for what? What is exactly keeping you two apart? Is there any chance that despite her loveliness etc, she's a bit of a drama queen and she's dragged you into the same drama hole that drama queens create for themselves? Or could it be that you're just 'too nice' and she likes more of a challenge? You admit that the relationship got heavy too quickly. What do you think? Well she said something to the effect "I didn't know until a few weeks after we split why I needed to; I've always put others ahead of myself; I'm super happy when I'm with you, but I constantly worry about what you think of me; and I can't be in a relationship until I learn to put myself first". I think she has self-image issues too, but I don't know what to believe...she needs to make herself happy first, IMO. She claims she absolutely hates drama, but who knows.
Dmoney28 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 today is the 4th day of NC....and its better. Had a case of the phantom tears driving today. Stupid Neyo song...god i hate R&B so much now. But here is the funny part. Because i boxed up all our pics and have no physical reminders of her, i feel kinda numb as the days go by. So i will keep NC until i feel more confident.
Author IcemanJB Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 Well I had major urges yesterday to send her a text wishing her merry Christmas and wish her well. The more I thought about it, the more the phrase: "what good would it do?" kept crossing my mind. I know she would love it, but it would end up hurting me, and it's my turn to be selfish. I didn't send her one, and I'm glad I didn't. Seeing my married sister, and practically engaged brother with their S.O.'s I think is what gave me the urges. On my 1.5 mile walk to work today (which means I have lots of time to think about stuff daily...) I started to realize the pain is receding SO much. I don't get extremely sad when I think about us or things we've done. Instead, I'm just starting to see it for what it is/was. Sure it was GREAT and I know we both still respect each other a ton. BUT, I honestly deserve better than the **** she put me though; whether she realized she was doing it or not. I think I'm going to stop counting days NC, because at this point I don't plan on EVER contacting her again, so it doesn't matter how long it's been (over a month right now). I'm glad that it's on MY terms; she's waiting on me to contact her (won't), and SHE was the last one to want to meet up and talk. I know I'll still think about her very frequently, but the pain is definitely lessening. The next few months of my life will be very important in defining where I'll live and what I'll do. Who knows; a year from now I might be living 2000 miles from here. God will put some amazing girl in my life when the time is right. Let this be a testament that NC works!!!
Coco1985 Posted December 26, 2008 Posted December 26, 2008 awww its so sad! i think that u def fell hard for her and the reason u cant quite get over it is because u feel like its unfinished business unanswered questions these things keep us hanging on for some closure and more often then not u will never get the answers u need cos maybe they jus doent exist or maybe u will jus never know... it seems like she does love u but has some reason not to be with you.. its very bizarre and u will always love the ones that got away the most... i definately thin the no cocntact is the best way its very hard and painful but the only way to cut away soem feelings and accept your lief without her as friends u will always want more and be kidding yourself either end up arguing or jus hurting yourself ... time really is the greatest healer!1 good luck with it xx
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