Frankasy Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I fell in love with this girl over the summer, she lives in another country. She had an older sister and both of them have never dated. Let's call mine Sara and her sister Jessica. Now in one week during the summer I managed to get really close to her. I stayed 1 week away from her and in that week I truly realized that I had fallen in love with her. I quit all my bad habits and kept thinking of her all the time. She made the trip back home together, went to a party together and in the last day of her stay in my country I decided to tell her everything. Her older sister was with me when I told her. I had prepared a very nice speech, it went good, she raised a lot of problems, I had prepared my answers but one problem prevented us from being together and that was that she wanted to finish high school first and she still has another year apart from this. I was left heart broken but the next day Jessica talked to me on MSN, changed my heart completely and made me realize that I couldn't give up on her. She said that she considered me like a brother etc etc. I decided that I would give it another shot with Sara and tried to win her trust, tried to make her feel special etc. Now I'm gonna meet them for New Year's Eve and we're gonna spend a few days together. I have another speech prepared, an answer to every problem including the school problem but I don't know if I should tell her now or wait until next summer when we're still gonna be together at the same hotel. The only problem is that this is my last chance and if I mess it up, I might as well just forget about her although during these past 5 mouths she's made me a much better person and it feels as if I'm living a feary tale. If I should wait until next summer, what should I do with her now? Should I let her know that I still have feelings for her, deep ones in fact. If yes how? Or should I just stay close to her so that she'll earn even more trust and be easier to crack next summer. What should I do?
paperchase Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 She's so young. The reality is that with the distance between you two and the age, your best bet is to just enjoy the time you share with her and stay in touch. Getting too deep isn't healthy. I'd save the speech. Pleading and professing rarely works and might ruin the good time you have planned for the new year. Just treat her special and tell her how much you care. You've already made your intentions know, so the ball is in her court. BTW, this is not a case to employ the NC rule. lol!
samspade Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Your situation is not complicated at all. 1. Stop preparing speeches. You are not Martin Luther King, Jr....you're a guy who likes a girl. Ease up. 2. Stop confessing your feelings. Give her a chance to confess hers instead. You take all the fun out of things for her when you get all emotional and talk about your feelings. 3. Stop trying to solve what you perceive to be this girl's problems. You don't know what's best for her. You're supposed to be having fun, and to me it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on her and yourself. Take a trip and see her again if you can afford it, but for God's sake, just enjoy yourselves! I know what it's like to have a great overseas fling, but you should look around your own neighborhood for a cute girl to keep you grounded and give you proper perspective. Otherwise you may wind up spending a lot of time and money jousting with a windmill.
Author Frankasy Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I see. Well I prepared speeches cause I feel all these types of emotions and I go through so many emotions and thoughts about her that sometimes I might forget a few, that's way I write them down, so that I don't forget them. Well ok, I won't make a move on New Years but in the summer. Look it's not that I don't have a good time with her, I have a wonderful time with her. I haven't seen her for 4 months and I miss her so much that it just makes me want to tell her that I still love her, that I want us to be together because it's really torturing me but if not telling her now would make it easier for me in the summer, than I guess I could sacrifice 6 more months. Ok so I'll just get close to her during New Year's. I was thinking about buying her a necklace. The truth is that I want to buy the necklace because I love her but when I give it to her I'll say that it's a late birthday present since her birthday was 1 month ago. How does that sound? If it won't work, how could I let her know that I still love her and probably make her confess that she does too, a present, a word?
samspade Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I think it's cool to give her a late birthday present. A necklace is a nice thought, as long as it is not an expensive one. Expensive gifts are for long term relationships (and even then should be given sparingly so as not to lose effect). Just don't get all serious on her - wrap it simply and let her know you got her a little something for her birthday but decided to wait til you could see her to give it to her. No speeches, no feeling confessionals. And, I didn't mean for you not to make a move on New Year's. By all means, if the mood is right, go for it. But by "move" you should moving in for a kiss. Have you kissed this woman yet? Midnight on NYE would be a good time to do it. (I am unclear the nature of your relationship - have you had sex or made out at all, or is this just a crush for you at the moment?) Make the most of your time with her next week. Don't think about summer - that will come. But here's the thing...you need to have FUN with her and create some romantic feelings. Keep it loose. Telling her how much you love her will actually impede your efforts. Giving a big gift won't make her confess anything; if anything, it will seem like you are trying to buy her affection. I know that seems counter-intuitive, but women don't want the mystery ruined. Trust me, if she has fallen for you, she WILL let you know, before you've even spoken a word about it. Let your actions and demeanor be your aphrodisiac. If you want tips on this, let me know. I don't have a magic bullet but I can help you use the right approach.
Author Frankasy Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I think it's cool to give her a late birthday present. A necklace is a nice thought, as long as it is not an expensive one. Expensive gifts are for long term relationships (and even then should be given sparingly so as not to lose effect). Just don't get all serious on her - wrap it simply and let her know you got her a little something for her birthday but decided to wait til you could see her to give it to her. No speeches, no feeling confessionals. And, I didn't mean for you not to make a move on New Year's. By all means, if the mood is right, go for it. But by "move" you should moving in for a kiss. Have you kissed this woman yet? Midnight on NYE would be a good time to do it. (I am unclear the nature of your relationship - have you had sex or made out at all, or is this just a crush for you at the moment?) Make the most of your time with her next week. Don't think about summer - that will come. But here's the thing...you need to have FUN with her and create some romantic feelings. Keep it loose. Telling her how much you love her will actually impede your efforts. Giving a big gift won't make her confess anything; if anything, it will seem like you are trying to buy her affection. I know that seems counter-intuitive, but women don't want the mystery ruined. Trust me, if she has fallen for you, she WILL let you know, before you've even spoken a word about it. Let your actions and demeanor be your aphrodisiac. If you want tips on this, let me know. I don't have a magic bullet but I can help you use the right approach. Thanks for replying. Well I haven't kissed her or had sex with her. In fact she and her older sister haven't dated before so between her and guys is a big block of ice if you know what I mean. I managed to break a bit from the ice when I proposed to her 4 months ago, even though I got rejected the chances were big and the margin between refusal and acception was small. Well it's not like she's really gonna know the price of the necklace but ok, I will buy a non expensive necklace. Well actually this is the first time I fall in love but I've fallen so deep that I'm pretty sure that she's the right one for me. So I would like you to help me a bit, give me some examples, should I do them in front of her older sister although she was there when I proposed to Sara etc etc.
samspade Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 First of all...you should not have proposed to her. This is not the 19th century, my friend. You need to go through several stages before you even think about making such a leap. Now, I don't know how serious your proposal was, but hopefully she saw it as cute rather than insane. (No offense.) And I hope this does not sound condescending, but you can't really know she's the one for you. You are infatuated, not in love...she hasn't even reciprocated. You don't know someone is for you until you've spent a LOT of time with them, and that includes in bed. Infatuation is great - it's a real rush...but you must keep your emotions in check and have a little patience. What you need to establish with Sara is a sense of excitement and comfort. Excitement means you need to be about more than pleasing her...You should be a fun, outgoing, confident, flirtatious guy. Sometimes you focus on Sara, sometimes you don't. If you are constantly showering her with attention, she will grow tired of it and take it for granted. The comfort part means she needs to feel okay with not only kissing you, but sleeping with you and all that comes with it. Women are hit on 24/7, and they need to weed out the creeps, pervs, wusses, and bores. They want sex and romance too, but they have to be a little more selective. She needs to be all at once excited by your presence, and comfortable with the idea of getting physical with you. What does this mean? Make her feel special...in small doses. The necklace is a good start. But don't include any crazy love letters. Don't put her on a pedestal. You need to be someone SHE is crazy about. Be funny, be outgoing, and be flirty. Tease her a little (in a fun way - not mean). And, most importantly, when the time is right, YOU need to go in for a kiss. No asking, no warning...you just grab her and kiss her. I hope that helps.
Author Frankasy Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 First of all...you should not have proposed to her. This is not the 19th century, my friend. You need to go through several stages before you even think about making such a leap. Now, I don't know how serious your proposal was, but hopefully she saw it as cute rather than insane. (No offense.) And I hope this does not sound condescending, but you can't really know she's the one for you. You are infatuated, not in love...she hasn't even reciprocated. You don't know someone is for you until you've spent a LOT of time with them, and that includes in bed. Infatuation is great - it's a real rush...but you must keep your emotions in check and have a little patience. What you need to establish with Sara is a sense of excitement and comfort. Excitement means you need to be about more than pleasing her...You should be a fun, outgoing, confident, flirtatious guy. Sometimes you focus on Sara, sometimes you don't. If you are constantly showering her with attention, she will grow tired of it and take it for granted. The comfort part means she needs to feel okay with not only kissing you, but sleeping with you and all that comes with it. Women are hit on 24/7, and they need to weed out the creeps, pervs, wusses, and bores. They want sex and romance too, but they have to be a little more selective. She needs to be all at once excited by your presence, and comfortable with the idea of getting physical with you. What does this mean? Make her feel special...in small doses. The necklace is a good start. But don't include any crazy love letters. Don't put her on a pedestal. You need to be someone SHE is crazy about. Be funny, be outgoing, and be flirty. Tease her a little (in a fun way - not mean). And, most importantly, when the time is right, YOU need to go in for a kiss. No asking, no warning...you just grab her and kiss her. I hope that helps. I'm pretty sure that she didn't see it as something insane. In fact her older sister told me that it was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard when she attempted to cheer me up. Well actually your post made me feel happy since what you just wrote is pretty much the way I spend my chats on MSN with her or the way I used to spend my time with her the last time we were together. I mean when I first met her we talked casual. The next day we started to laugh a bit, afterwords I used to tell love quotes to her but in a way that she would laugh even though I told her so much that she got the idea. After I proposed to her the same situation happened and is still happening, I mean we talk seriously, we joke around but not with love quotes anymore so basically we talk like a couple. Basically I've done pretty much what you've just said. The only problem why we can't be with each other is cause she said that she wants to finish high school first and than think of dating and this was the only reason why she refused me. In other words I don't think that she has a problem getting physical with me. Help me with this, what should I do? Don't worry, I am not gonna write her love letters or anything. I'm not gonna let the subject be us when I spend the New Year's with her, I'm gonna try to make the subject about the fun we're gonna have and stuff like that. Am I right?
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