Knight_Ctrl Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I was talking to a good friend of mine recently about my ex. Now in my relationship before this recent breakup my ex then spent a year and a half of our 2 year relationship cheating on me, literally having sex with other dudes. My friend brought up a what I think is valid point about my most recent breakup. Is it possible to emotionally cheat on someone? I have little reason to believe that my recent ex physically cheated on me with another guy. (Although seeing how things have been going for me I wouldn't be surprised) But when I caught her cuddling with a friend of mine (who she is now dating), after she strung me along for more than a month of (we may be together) but then ultimately deciding not to, while she continued to tell me she just wanted her space as she constantly hung out with my friend (they were pretty much more b/f,g/f than her and I were at that time). Is this not emotional cheating?..........I feel worse about this than I did than I did when I was getting physically cheated on. And even after all of this she still wants to be friends....wtf.
carhill Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 If she was "cuddling" with him, that's PA. Any physical contact beyond what is normally acceptable for friends (embraces/kisses upon greeting or parting or during times of grief, etc) is PA. EA is sharing feelings that correctly should be prioritized to spouse/SO and/or prioritizing the "friend" ahead of such. Question: Why do you feel worse that your GF was sharing feelings with someone else over having sex with someone else? I'm curious about how you process this. The "wants to be friends" part is just an ego feed. Makes her feel better. Resist
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Little more detail on the cuddle story is needed. One night she called me and said she just needed me to come over and be with her (this was after several hours of outright ignoring me) about what I assume now were problems that never came about till she started talking to this other guy. I go over all is well, days later she starts ignoring me again I assume same thing so I go over to make her feel better, and upon walking I see her with that other guy in sweet embrace on the couch. Its because she didn't tell me he was coming over, ignored me, and was holding his ****ing hand that I got pissed about that. As far as the sex vrs. emotional sharing goes, my ex before this last one and I had so many issues for so long I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did. I didn't find out she was physically cheating on me until after I had already dumped her. (I was broken up with in my most recent relationship however). So since we had already broken up I couldn't do much about it anyway, and I was so pissed about just about everything about us that I didn't care. If my recent ex had physically cheated on me I would be devestated. Its not really that I have a problem with her sharing feelings. But when I'm compleately different than every guy shes ever dated (shes said this) as in I don't freak out about her having guy friends. She gets guy friends im understanding, patient, flexible and all that and THEN she gets a crush on one tells me her and I have problems (even though we NEVER had a fight) strings me along telling me she doesnt know what she wants while she talks to me less and this other guy more. Dumps me, and less than a month later is dating him. I feel like emotionally, I've been cheated on.
Adri Ana Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Little more detail on the cuddle story is needed. One night she called me and said she just needed me to come over and be with her (this was after several hours of outright ignoring me) about what I assume now were problems that never came about till she started talking to this other guy. I go over all is well, days later she starts ignoring me again I assume same thing so I go over to make her feel better, and upon walking I see her with that other guy in sweet embrace on the couch. Its because she didn't tell me he was coming over, ignored me, and was holding his ****ing hand that I got pissed about that. As far as the sex vrs. emotional sharing goes, my ex before this last one and I had so many issues for so long I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did. I didn't find out she was physically cheating on me until after I had already dumped her. (I was broken up with in my most recent relationship however). So since we had already broken up I couldn't do much about it anyway, and I was so pissed about just about everything about us that I didn't care. If my recent ex had physically cheated on me I would be devestated. Its not really that I have a problem with her sharing feelings. But when I'm compleately different than every guy shes ever dated (shes said this) as in I don't freak out about her having guy friends. She gets guy friends im understanding, patient, flexible and all that and THEN she gets a crush on one tells me her and I have problems (even though we NEVER fough) strings me along telling me she doesnt know what she wants while she talks to me less and this other guy more. Dumps me, and less than a month later is dating him. I feel like emotionally, I've been cheated on. Drop her . She does not deserve even a simple friendship with you after all she had done . _________________________________________________________ Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.
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