Seeing someone but NOT seeing someone?!

[Bells]

There's this woman I contacted on a dating site and apparently she's "Seeing someone" but she signs into this dating site occasionally.

 

So I left it at that...and let her be....

 

She told me earlier, that she's seeing a guy, and she's just sticking to him to "See how goes it", she says HE can do what he wants, and he says she can do the same

 

But..theY BOTH don't want to see other people...so they are remaining exclusive, but exclusive in a non-exclusive way.

 

Then she IM's me out of the blue....apparently, and wants to idle chit chat and talk more.

 

I go, "So, you still seein' that guy?"

 

And she says that she still is, going to a New Years gala with him. Apparently, the same thing is as it still stands....still not "dating anyone else"

 

 

I mentioned to keep in touch by regular email, and she says she' prefers it on the dating site instead.

 

And I go, "Oh, so you can explore your options? lol!"

 

 

So I say if she's exploring her options, and she goes, "WEll, if you mean by exploring my options you think I'm considering YOU, because I'm talking to YOU on here?"

 

 

And I go, "Well, probably" And she goes, "Well, if that's situation, then you shouldn't try to ask me out."

 

I say, "Well, actions speak more than words...but if things don't work out, gimme a call. lol"

 

 

I was like "ah...and you're still on here, right?" (Most of the time I was trying to hit on her, deliberately.....because you see, she contacted ME on the dating site, so she can't really consider me a "Scumbag" for putting the moves on here, when she, well what SHE considers "taken", if she's keeping in touch with me on a dating site.

 

I was thinking, "Hey, she just IM'ed me, must mean it didn't work out with that guy. lol.

 

But it's kind of funny how I caught her with the hand in the cookie jar...here she is signing into a dating site, while she is supposedly exclusive with this guy, and trying to chat ME up. Then I call her on it, and she tries to deny it. But you see, you CAN'T deny it, because it's quite clear....she's on the dating site.....'nuff said!

[Star Gazer]

But it's kind of funny how I caught her with the hand in the cookie jar...here she is signing into a dating site, while she is supposedly exclusive with this guy, and trying to chat ME up. Then I call her on it, and she tries to deny it. But you see, you CAN'T deny it, because it's quite clear....she's on the dating site.....'nuff said!

 

This is ridiculous. Your interpretation is SO far off base it's almost painful to watch.

 

She wasn't even flirting with you! She told you she's dating someone else. She told you that while they're not exclusive (yet) she ONLY wants to explore THAT relationship (see where it goes) for now. She also told you that you shouldn't try to ask her out (i.e., she's telling you she'd turn you down).

 

There are reasons why people remain on dating sites despite only being interested in one person they're dating at the moment, and it's not always to "explore their options."

 

For example, perhaps she's concerned about freaking him out by taking her profile down - it happens, people read into things (LIKE YOU!). Perhaps SHE is exclusive with him because she's interested in him enough to only want to see him right now, but doesn't think it's appropriate to have "the talk" with him yet.

 

Or perhaps she only dates one person at a time, even if it's only one, two, three dates. Should she be taking her profile down after every first/second/third date? And then put it back up as soon as she's decided not to see him anymore? Up, down. Up, down. No. That would be silly.

 

You read WAY too much into people's behavior, Bells. It kills me.

[Bells]

This is ridiculous. Your interpretation is SO far off base it's almost painful to watch.

 

She wasn't even flirting with you! She told you she's dating someone else. She told you that while they're not exclusive (yet) she ONLY wants to explore THAT relationship (see where it goes) for now. She also told you that you shouldn't try to ask her out (i.e., she's telling you she'd turn you down).

 

There are reasons why people remain on dating sites despite only being interested in one person they're dating at the moment, and it's not always to "explore their options."

 

For example, perhaps she's concerned about freaking him out by taking her profile down - it happens, people read into things (LIKE YOU!). Perhaps SHE is exclusive with him because she's interested in him enough to only want to see him right now, but doesn't think it's appropriate to have "the talk" with him yet.

 

Or perhaps she only dates one person at a time, even if it's only one, two, three dates. Should she be taking her profile down after every first/second/third date? And then put it back up as soon as she's decided not to see him anymore? Up, down. Up, down. No. That would be silly.

 

You read WAY too much into people's behavior, Bells. It kills me.

 

Yeah, but refusing to go out with other people when asked, is silly to say "well, can't I'm seeing someone" while STILL on a dating site....is contradictory.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah, but refusing to go out with other people when asked, is silly to say "well, can't I'm seeing someone" while STILL on a dating site....is contradictory.

 

NO, it's not, for the reasons I just stated. Did you READ what I wrote?

[tincanman99]

I wouldnt waste my time with her unless she wants to sleep with you

[D-Jam]

Unfortunately Bells, this is the way the world is.

 

I came out of a social scene where men and women drank like fish, did drugs, cheated on one another, acted like overgrown children, passed up higher education and rely on mommy and daddy, etc.

 

They would in a heartbeat be always on the lookout for a "bigger better deal". They would tell one person they're in a RL and then the next minute be banging some new person they met and found to be "hotter" than their SO.

 

I wouldn't analyze or expose people like this. Just smile, nod, walk away, and let life/karma do it's thing.

 

 

 

I do give you props for toying with her a little. Being flirty, daring, and "dangerous" in some ways.

 

I would tell you though that if you even got to a dating level with her, don't trust her for a second. Maybe file her in a "only for a good time or a lay" area and NOT as "possible girlfriend material".

[Tomcat33]

She sounds like a lame time waster, stop wasting your time on her.

[sultry33]

NO, it's not, for the reasons I just stated. Did you READ what I wrote?

 

i actually agree with star here;)

maybe she just likes the banter with you .. or as star said she is dating the one guy but its early days

 

if it bothers you that much move on

[moonshadow]

As someone who's used dating sites, I'd say she's a time-waster and you'd be better off to just ignore her. I'd say she's also a walking contradiction. If she's made the decision to spend her time now, getting to know one particular guy (the one she's going to spend NYE with), why is she initiating contact with other men? (you) ....and continuing to initiate contact with other men (you)? She sounds like a tease; she contacts you to say she's focusing on a particular guy now and you 'better not ask her out' but there she remains, on a DATING SITE and continuing to communicate with other men. How lame. she has nothing better to do with her free time?

 

Most people I know, myself included, who find someone they wish to focus on and see where things go with that particular person, they *don't* continue to chat it up with others. Okay, they may not go to the extreme of deleting or disabling their profile but at least they stop logging into the site and communicating with others.

 

It's interesting that she tells you that if you want to continue communicating with her, that you can only do so through the dating site. Hmmm. Maybe she's actually married or living with someone and doesn't want to get busted for having single men emailing her off-site.

 

Nevertheless, she sounds like a total waste of time and energy. If I were you, I'd block her and spend your time communicating with those who don't play games and who are actually really available.

[Bells]

Unfortunately Bells, this is the way the world is.

 

I came out of a social scene where men and women drank like fish, did drugs, cheated on one another, acted like overgrown children, passed up higher education and rely on mommy and daddy, etc.

 

They would in a heartbeat be always on the lookout for a "bigger better deal". They would tell one person they're in a RL and then the next minute be banging some new person they met and found to be "hotter" than their SO.

 

I wouldn't analyze or expose people like this. Just smile, nod, walk away, and let life/karma do it's thing.

 

 

 

I do give you props for toying with her a little. Being flirty, daring, and "dangerous" in some ways.

 

I would tell you though that if you even got to a dating level with her, don't trust her for a second. Maybe file her in a "only for a good time or a lay" area and NOT as "possible girlfriend material".

 

 

Agreed, these re the kind of women that can't make up their mind of what they want or looking for the BBD.

[fishtaco]

Contradiction. Bad sign. She probably doesn't know what she wants. If she just wanted to keep the profile up to not freak out her "exclusive" man, she didn't need to contact you and initiate chatting you up.

 

When you use terms like exclusive it's pretty cut and dry to most people. It avoids ambiguity, which is the whole point. But if people start treating that as an ambiguous term as well like this chick is... that's... scary.

 

Here's my take. She wants to multi-date. But something in her (religious beliefs, some sort of moral code) inhibits her from doing it. So she's doing all the things a multi-dater is doing, except cutting out certain aspect of it so she can claim she's not a multi-dater. But if you call her on it she'd be like noway! Leave me alone, I'm a moral person.

 

This is equivalent to a technical virgin. They cut out vaginal intercourse so they can claim chastity, but they do everything else.

 

Anyway that's my analysis. I could be wrong.

 

Edit: just thought of another instance of something like this. I know this chick, she claims she's against ONS, because she's moral or whatever. But instead, she'll sleep with the guy right away, but call him to have lunch with him for the next week, so they've "dated", then drop him. And repeat with the next one. People are funny.

 

I wouldn't think anything negative of her if she'd just go and have ONS. People are looking for different things during different stages of their lives. But acting this way makes you go.... hmm....