Dax Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Hey guys, I'm new here, but i have scoured the existing threads for answers before resorting to asking for your advise. I know that the nature of this topic already exists but it just never really answered my specific problem, so here goes! Sorry its a bit long winded My best mate has a very attractive sister, of whom we always got on very well, in a 'normal' way. She had been in an 18 month relationship until 5 months ago when they split cos he was being a jerk. After a month of being single, she came out with myself and her brother for a night and we got a little flirty. I thought nothing of it and continued life as normal. She then a week later contacted me and asked if i'd like to meet up. I said i wasn't sure because of being one of her bro's best mates, and cos of knowing her family VERY well, etc. She then proceeded to ask her brother and family if they minded, and to my shock, they were absolutely fine with it, and so I agreed to take her out. She did say off the bat that she was still a little upset from her break up and wanted to take things slow, and i agreed that was fine. To be honest i didn't expect too much but we ended up really hitting it off, and went out several times over a couple of weeks, but never actually got too intimate, i.e. no kissing or holding hands, although hugged a few times. Just as things were starting to take off, her ex found out and came running back totally screwing things up, and she ended up deciding to give him another chance, but was honest with me the whole time, and told me it was a very hard decision but had to give him a chance. I was actually a little hurt as had really enjoyed how things were going but told her that if things didn't work out, she knew how to get hold of me, and we cut it off there. That was in September, now last week, i got a text from her out of the blue asking what i was up to, and she said she was out and would i like to meet her, so i agreed and went to meet her. She ended up telling me that she had broken it off with her now ex again, and had not forgotten what i said.... i was dubious, but agreed to take her out the following day. Anyway, the past week has been exceptional, things became really intimate, kissing, hugging, holding hands, txting, spending a fair amount of time together, mostly initiated by her, she's been telling me how happy she is and glad that things worked out this way. There had been no discussion over what the outcome of all this should be so i asked her yesterday if things were moving ok for her, or a little too fast, just to make sure, expecting a no problems answer based on how she'd been acting, but i got an, "it is maybe moving a little too fast, i don't want a relationship right now and want to take things slow", response. I guess I half expected it, and actually I do understand totally baring in mind she just got out of a relationship, but yet she is not acting physically slow if you know what i mean, she's still very intimate physically, even trying to push things. We havn't had sex, i wont because its a delicate situation being a mates sister and all that, and her being slightly hurt maybe from her breakup (she broke it off). But i do really like her, i just have no idea how to play it, and for obvious reasons, cant talk to my mates about it lol. I'v spent the past year getting over someone and have just reached the point where i'm ready for a relationship, and this kinda seems like a bad move, but she seems adamant she would like something to develop, but i'm not so sure, i've been there myself. I don't want to hurt her if she's for real, or get hurt myself if she's just rebounding. And also dont wanna piss my mate off. Really sorry for the length. Any advice welcome.
Sunshine11 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Gosh, I see why you're in such a tight spot. I really don't know the best way to approach things, although it sounds like you're thinking about all the important stuff. I do think keeping the communication open is extremely important. And I also agree that not having sex yet is a great idea considering you don't want to get hurt, and considering she's your friend's sister. Does she have any friends you can get some hints from? Would it help you at all to set your own boundaries for yourself, just to be sure you don't cross any lines you'll later feel bad about? Best of luck with everything!
sweetgirl99 Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I am also talking to someone who is coming out of a relationship. My case is a bit different, in the sense that he's divorcing, and I met him online. But, none the less, very similar. I'd say take things one step at a time with her if you feel that she and the relationship would be worth it. Keep in mind that she may not be ready for a serious relationship right away. Giving her the time to heal from her current ex would be best so that you are not her rebound. I know it sucks when you care for the person and want to move further. Its just best to hold back a little bit so that you dont end up driving them away if they are not ready. During this time, you should keep your options open and if you meet someone great you should date them. Not because you would do this to hurt the girl, but because she isnt ready and you shouldnt put your life on hold. I agree, it is a trick situation.
edinsvet Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 Dude, that is some situation. You said "best mate" do you mean a friends sister or your best friends sister?
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