Jordanjames Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 So late week I met up with ex boyfriend and we had dinner. At dinner last week he spoke about a recent sexual experience he had at a bathhouse and I listened. Next, he asked me if I had sex recently and I said "yes". I decided to talk about my sexual experience and then he took his dinner menu placed it over his face and said "I don't want to hear this anymore." I thought this was odd behavior. So on Thursday last week I texted him no response, I called his cell phone Friday let the phone ring four times no response. I decided i will try one last time on Saturday I called his houseline and I got him we talked for almost two hours. I specifically asked him why he did not respond to my text message or phone call? He really did not give an answer. He just said he read my text message and thought it was nice. I think he just wants me to be "into him" but I just want to be his friend. Now I am questioning if I can even be his "friend" anymore. I was thinking stressing to him face to face I do not want to play games or else this "friendship" is over. I don't have the best experience with relationships but it got me thinking I feel like he sees this as a game. He is 25 years old and I am little bit older then him. It is weird that he's the one that stressed on Tuesday last week he wanted me to call him more because for most of the six years of friendship he did more of the phone calling. I will acknowledge this. However, I definitely called him. Yet suddenly when I call him last week I have to reach him on his landline. This is annoying. In November we did not speak for an entire month because he we had broken up. I decided to call him in early December letting him know I missed the frienship we had. I am not angry at him for breaking up with me because I realize we have no romantic future together. The conversation then got a bit tense when I brought up the issue of why he suddenly wants me to call him more. Let me explain. We were friends for sxi years prior to getting involved with each other. The romantic relationship was actually short this year. He ended it and now I understand he isn't right for me. He is from a conservative South Asian culture and his parents want to put him in an arranged marriage one day. I understand we have no romantic future. Since we have been friends for six years I was hoping maybe we could save the friendship. I don't mind calling him but in the last couple of weeks I have noticed he will not text, call or e-mail me unless I make initial contact. I am wondering if I should just meet up with him and end the friendship. A part of me feels like is this just a game to him? I don't mind calling him but if he wants to be a part of life I want him to call me too. I was hoping we can be just friends but I don't believe a friendship should be one way traffic. Has anyone ever heard of this before? He's the one that ended the romantic relationship yet he is the one that "wants" me to call him? So I just told myself I'm not calling him Sunday or Monday and I didn't. I need to think about things I am wondering if I should just go back to no contact and hopefully this time stick with it and completely cut him out of my life.
orangehose Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I think you need to wait a while - a couple months, even longer - before trying to be friends. Sure, you've been friends for 6 years, but the fact that your romantic relationship happened THIS year means he may be in more of a post-breakup mindset, and like you inferred, he wants you to keep wanting him. That said, he sounds immature and hypocritical. Regaling you with tales of his sexual experiences, but not letting you share yours? Also, it's best not to have sex-related conversations with an ex, period (though I understand he started it). Just give a rest on the friendship for a couple months or longer. Then perhaps give him a call and gauge his enthusiasm about being just friends. Or maybe you'll find by then that he isn't worth much of a friendship anyway...
Author Jordanjames Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 I was thinking about what you said. Yes, me being around him maybe that isn't such a good idea afterall. You are definitely right he is immature and I just figured it out last night he just "wants" me to be into him and I don't want to go down that road. I just want to be his friend because we had known each other for six years. I also want to point out HE is the one that ended the romantic relationship not me. I didn't talk to him in November because I want to get over the hurt and the anger. Now I am not angry anymore. I thought this is what he wanted he wanted us to go back to "just" being friends. A part of me feels I have to let him know I am not interested in playing this game I am not chasing him because he is not my boyfriend nor do I want him to be my boyfriend. We have no romantic future given the fact he is from a very conservative family that wants to put him into an arranged marriage.
orangehose Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I think your assessment is spot-on. He may have been the one who ended it, but like many dumpers, he enjoys any attention from you, especially attention that suggests you still want him. You sound a lot more mature than he does If you really feel the need, send him an email that you're going to take a few months off from the friendship because you think it would be best for both of you... He really does sound like he's playing games.
Author Jordanjames Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Orangehose you are right I got to do something about this. We definitely need more distance from each other. I am glad I figured his game out though. I will let him know I am not interested in playing games that all I want is a friendship I do not want to be his boyfriend because he is simply too immature for me.
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