Spinning Head Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I was cleaning out a closet this weekend and found a box that contained all the information from planning my wedding. There were also notes from my H that addressed issues in our marriage. One note was written one year after we married. Another note was written six years into the marriage. These were notes written to me. I had forgotten about them. I realized that the issues were the same throughout the years. We separated over four months ago. One of the issues was that I felt utterly alone in my marriage when it came to making decisions. The feeling of loneliness became worse after the children were born. I would ask my H for his advice or input on a variety of issues - daycare for the children, schools, etc. It got to the point wherein I would ask for his opinion, he responded he did not have one, I would ask him to think about it and I would ask him a few days later, then I would follow up and he had forgotten about it. I know it may seem mundane but some of these decisions were important to me. And, I wanted my H's input in these decisions. Now that we are separated, I find myself becoming more and more disappointed with my H and his decreasing role in our children's lives. We attended my daughter's Christmas play last week. I asked H if he had even met his daughter's teachers - he had not. My children are 7 and 3 years old. H had the children this past weekend. I called to check up on the kids who were screaming in the background. H has no control over them. H never calls between visits to see how the kids are doing. Last night, my daughter told me how she yells at her dad when he doesn't do things she wants him to do. I told her that she needed to respect her father and to NOT yell at him. I think the situation with the kids will get worse with time. And, as I wrote, I am extremely disappointed in my H. I try to keep H up to date on issues with kids via e-mails to which H never responds. I may send one e-mail every two weeks. Anyway, this is my day to vent and get things off of my chest.
HenryII Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 It's wonderful that we have a place to go and vent, especially this time of year. Your H will someday regret not being more involved with his children.But, then again everyone is different My Dad did not have that much to do with his children, probably because he was working 3 jobs into his 50's and my Mom must have made alot of decisions herself. When I married I wasn't thinking I would be doing the things with my children that I did do. I was encouraged my my wife(at the time) to be involved with them. And I did not mind. So we bonded with a bed time story every nite. I was shown how to change a diaper from day one and did so willingly. Fed them at meal times . Especially supper as she went to work nights and I got to take care of them and loved it. Coached baseball, soccer, assistant scoutmaster, Brownie do-Dad teaacher meetings solo ,etc.,etc. They are both grown now and successful in their endeavors. If you can't convince your H it.s all about the children and passing on all the values that are important to them so that they can have a rewarding life also, then I feel sorry for him . Even though I don't see my children as much as I'd like I know that they think of their parents often with love. Try to get him involved,Hey, make him watch "ITS a Wonderful Life", maybe you could get him into some kind of counseling. Good Luck and HH!
AHIWON Posted December 25, 2008 Posted December 25, 2008 Sounds like your X doesn't have a spine to me. Passive. Doesn't have an authoritative bone in his body. I think you will provide that guidance in your kids lives so no worries. Hopefully he has some other positive traits that will rub off on them. You can't change someone else. Don't even try. Be grateful he is still part of your kids lives as there are some horror stories out there. It could be worse. Merry Christmas. All the best to you and your family.
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