I had this dream... what a setback

[Surfer Dude]

I had a dream last night that my ex fiance contacted me, apologized... we made peace and I took her back. I can't describe the happiness I experienced in my sleep, I thought I was the luckiest man on earth.

 

I've been saying for months that there is no chance whatsoever that I would ever accept her apology (if she ever gave one) and gave our relationship another chance. But in this dream I was more than happy to take her back. I wonder if that's an indication that I would do the same thing if something like that happened for real.

 

I was so extremely sad when I woke up and realized it was nothing but a dream. I never consciously do anything that would set me back, I don't look at pictures, I don't read old letters etc... But this really wasn't my fault, I can't control what I'm going to dream.

 

I really feel like crap today. I feel like she was actually there with me last night and like the NC was broken. I can't help feeling this...

 

I've even started to date other girls, I've been fine for weeks and I've had no setbacks whatsoever. But this was so real, I want her back again, I feel like no other girl is supposed to take her place ever. It feels wrong that she isn't here with me. I almost feel like emailing her again and begging her to come back. But I'm not going to do that...

 

Has anyone else experienced a setback caused by a dream? I need some help right now...

[Surfer Dude]

Ok, I almost broke nc now and sent her a mail begging and pleading... I barely restrained myself and canceled it. I'm going to turn off my computer and go out for a while, I don't want to do anything stupid...

[EmperorR]

Ah man look how far you have come don't turn back. I know how hard it is whenever you feel fine and your moving on then boom.

 

Remember your cheating ex and how she treated you.

[northstar1]

I had a dream last night that my ex fiance contacted me, apologized... we made peace and I took her back. I can't describe the happiness I experienced in my sleep, I thought I was the luckiest man on earth.

 

I've been saying for months that there is no chance whatsoever that I would ever accept her apology (if she ever gave one) and gave our relationship another chance. But in this dream I was more than happy to take her back. I wonder if that's an indication that I would do the same thing if something like that happened for real.

 

I was so extremely sad when I woke up and realized it was nothing but a dream. I never consciously do anything that would set me back, I don't look at pictures, I don't read old letters etc... But this really wasn't my fault, I can't control what I'm going to dream.

 

I really feel like crap today. I feel like she was actually there with me last night and like the NC was broken. I can't help feeling this...

 

I've even started to date other girls, I've been fine for weeks and I've had no setbacks whatsoever. But this was so real, I want her back again, I feel like no other girl is supposed to take her place ever. It feels wrong that she isn't here with me. I almost feel like emailing her again and begging her to come back. But I'm not going to do that...

 

Has anyone else experienced a setback caused by a dream? I need some help right now...

 

Absolutely - for a few months, I would have dreams of my ex at least once a week - and they always seemed to occur in the morning right before I woke up, so they were fresh in my mind.

 

Painful to wake up from, most definitely

 

Good plan to just get up, and get outside - ignore the temptations to get in touch with her.

[Crazy.S]

Don't worry about it too much. No harm was done, since you was able to resist breaking NC. Keep at it and soon enough those dreams won't bother you anymore. I remember having dreams like those and it did set me back. But before I knew it, I started having different dreams. Where I had some sense to reject her.

[pushforward]

I had a dream last night that my ex fiance contacted me, apologized... we made peace and I took her back. I can't describe the happiness I experienced in my sleep, I thought I was the luckiest man on earth.

 

I've been saying for months that there is no chance whatsoever that I would ever accept her apology (if she ever gave one) and gave our relationship another chance. But in this dream I was more than happy to take her back. I wonder if that's an indication that I would do the same thing if something like that happened for real.

 

I was so extremely sad when I woke up and realized it was nothing but a dream. I never consciously do anything that would set me back, I don't look at pictures, I don't read old letters etc... But this really wasn't my fault, I can't control what I'm going to dream.

 

I really feel like crap today. I feel like she was actually there with me last night and like the NC was broken. I can't help feeling this...

 

I've even started to date other girls, I've been fine for weeks and I've had no setbacks whatsoever. But this was so real, I want her back again, I feel like no other girl is supposed to take her place ever. It feels wrong that she isn't here with me. I almost feel like emailing her again and begging her to come back. But I'm not going to do that...

 

Has anyone else experienced a setback caused by a dream? I need some help right now...

 

Hi Surfer,

 

I know that pain all too well. Having the same type of relapse myself. Keep in mind that it's just a dream and not reality. Keep with NC and remove yourself from this toxic situation. I made it through by remembering all the bad she did to me. I don't hate her, but I'm not putting her on the pedestal.

 

You truly loved her, it's understandable that everything feels wrong. I have that feeling too, while I'm out and a girl is showing interest. It takes time and lots of patience. Don't be in a rush, you'll find your way one day.

 

PM me if you want to talk.

[Surfer Dude]

Hi Surfer,

 

I know that pain all too well. Having the same type of relapse myself. Keep in mind that it's just a dream and not reality. Keep with NC and remove yourself from this toxic situation. I made it through by remembering all the bad she did to me. I don't hate her, but I'm not putting her on the pedestal.

 

You truly loved her, it's understandable that everything feels wrong. I have that feeling too, while I'm out and a girl is showing interest. It takes time and lots of patience. Don't be in a rush, you'll find your way one day.

 

PM me if you want to talk.

 

Right, it takes time... I might feel great for a month or two, and feel like crap for a few days afterwards, it seems these setbacks don't have any specific pattern of appearing.

 

Yes, I did love her with all my heart. We didn't have many issues in our relationship, that's why it lasted so long.

 

Anyway, that's behind me now. I don't really want an apology or her to come back. I just wish she realized what kind of pain she inflicted on me. I would like her to live with the knowledge of how hurt I was by her actions. I don't want her to suffer, I don't need her to be with me, all I want is for her to feel a bit of remorse for doing this to me, to realize what I went through. That would be the real closure. But even if she feels this way, I'm never gonna know, so it doesn't matter.

 

Well time to stop thinking about this. Gotta move forward once again and get out of this self pity. God, I really hate setbacks.

Thanks for your support guys.

[TeaAbraham]

Hey Surfer,

 

I've been having some pretty ****ty dreams too. I was doing so well for a while, but dreams and other random triggers let her sneak back in. I have really wanted her back too. I have started remembering the good times that we've had, and have not been thinking about the bad ones. It's so much easier to remember those wonderful moments than those last weeks/days where everything came crashing down.

 

But you've got to remember that the person you want back isn't there anymore. That wonderful person you dreamed about isn't there anymore. I have been dreaming about this wonderful woman I used to love, but she simply isn't there anymore. I remember the last few times I talked to her she was completely different. She was cold, she was lying to me, and she ran away to another man and left me in the deepest depths of despair.

 

I want that wonderful woman back too, but you've got to remember she isn't there. It's cruel to remember those happy times and her smiling at you and loving you more than life, but she's gone. It makes me so sad. It is so much easier to think that she doesn't even exist. I have personally been thinking about her and him together almost constantly for the last few days. Which is really the worst thing I could do. But thinking that she doesn't even exist helps tremendously. It's weird but it's better to think that she's dead. Which she might as well be =-\

 

No use begging and pleading. You've been down that road before, and you know exactly where it ends. It's no good feeling that love for her again, but there's no use dwelling on it.

 

Don't mind those dreams. When you stumble get right back up.

[Adri Ana]

I had a dream last night that my ex fiance contacted me, apologized... we made peace and I took her back. I can't describe the happiness I experienced in my sleep, I thought I was the luckiest man on earth.

 

I've been saying for months that there is no chance whatsoever that I would ever accept her apology (if she ever gave one) and gave our relationship another chance. But in this dream I was more than happy to take her back. I wonder if that's an indication that I would do the same thing if something like that happened for real.

 

I was so extremely sad when I woke up and realized it was nothing but a dream. I never consciously do anything that would set me back, I don't look at pictures, I don't read old letters etc... But this really wasn't my fault, I can't control what I'm going to dream.

 

I really feel like crap today. I feel like she was actually there with me last night and like the NC was broken. I can't help feeling this...

 

I've even started to date other girls, I've been fine for weeks and I've had no setbacks whatsoever. But this was so real, I want her back again, I feel like no other girl is supposed to take her place ever. It feels wrong that she isn't here with me. I almost feel like emailing her again and begging her to come back. But I'm not going to do that...

 

Has anyone else experienced a setback caused by a dream? I need some help right now...

 

 

1.Where is she?

2.What had she told you the last time you saw/talked to her?

3.Why are you soooo hopeless?

4.Why you departed?

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

 

Frank Lloyd Wright:

The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.

[Surfer Dude]

1.Where is she?

2.What had she told you the last time you saw/talked to her?

3.Why are you soooo hopeless?

4.Why you departed?

 

1. She lives in another country atm.

 

2. Last two convos we had were initiated by her. First time she told me how she was excited because she was on a date, the other time she wanted me to teach her her new bf's native language, so that she could surprise him. I called her a slut then and told her to get the fck out of my life forever. Haven't heard from her since, it's over. I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but I was so upset because she was intentionally telling me about her new bf and rubbing it in my face.

 

3. I'm not hopeless, I'm just feeling a bit down.

 

4. I assume you're asking why we broke up. She dumped me for another man (men actually).

[TeaAbraham]

I just wish she realized what kind of pain she inflicted on me. I would like her to live with the knowledge of how hurt I was by her actions... all I want is for her to feel a bit of remorse for doing this to me, to realize what I went through. That would be the real closure. But even if she feels this way, I'm never gonna know, so it doesn't matter.

I feel exactly the same way. I just want her to know the pain she is putting me through. I know she is laughing and having a grand old time with my former best friend. In economic terms I want her to "internalize the externality." I want her to feel what she has done to me.

 

But why would she?! Why would she feel remorse? She has proven that her tendency is entirely towards her own self-love. Why would she NOW start feeling remorse when all she has shown is interest in being happy herself? That would require she feel something for somebody else. Self interest is entirely normal, but some people show some sort of inclination towards morals. They have some knowledge about what is intuitively the WRONG thing to do.

 

I know if I saw her she would give me some look of pity. Like oh, I feel so bad about what I've done for 5 seconds, and then she would run off to her new man and be comforted. Which is cruel irony.

 

It is important to just stop thinking about this. Regardless of how little remorse she feels, it doesn't benefit you to try to make her internalize the pain she's made you feel. Just say No and move on.

[Adri Ana]

1. She lives in another country atm.

 

2. Last two convos we had were initiated by her. First time she told me how she was excited because she was on a date, the other time she wanted me to teach her her new bf's native language, so that she could surprise him. I called her a slut then and told her to get the fck out of my life forever. Haven't heard from her since, it's over. I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but I was so upset because she was intentionally telling me about her new bf and rubbing it in my face.

 

3. I'm not hopeless, I'm just feeling a bit down.

 

4. I assume you're asking why we broke up. She dumped me for another man (men actually).

 

 

 

If she dumped you for another man (men actually) then I have nothing esle to say .

I`d wish you to forget her as soon as possible .

..and she was intentionally telling you about her new bf rubbing it in your face .... great of her !

stop thinking of her ..make your own life ,please .

[pushforward]

Right, it takes time... I might feel great for a month or two, and feel like crap for a few days afterwards, it seems these setbacks don't have any specific pattern of appearing.

 

Yes, I did love her with all my heart. We didn't have many issues in our relationship, that's why it lasted so long.

 

Anyway, that's behind me now. I don't really want an apology or her to come back. I just wish she realized what kind of pain she inflicted on me. I would like her to live with the knowledge of how hurt I was by her actions. I don't want her to suffer, I don't need her to be with me, all I want is for her to feel a bit of remorse for doing this to me, to realize what I went through. That would be the real closure. But even if she feels this way, I'm never gonna know, so it doesn't matter.

 

Well time to stop thinking about this. Gotta move forward once again and get out of this self pity. God, I really hate setbacks.

Thanks for your support guys.

 

I really understand what you are feeling. I'm going to give you as much advice as you have given me. You and I both know, she doesn't care. It doesn't matter anymore, she hurt you and she's living the good life. They say life is a full circle, she'll know how it feels one day. By the time she realizes her mistake it will be too late.

 

You don't need to see her have remorse or guilt. You and I know that wouldn't ease your pain. Right now, the pain is clouding your judgment. You would do anything to inflict as much pain as she did to you. This isn't real you. This is a guy who has been broken, beaten and battered. Your soul hurts because the love of your life left you. You're acting out on negative emotions. It's not worth it. She doesn't deserve your thoughts or your love. Reinvest into yourself and realize your worth.

 

You had a setback from a dream. It's okay. Life goes on and you will find your way. Keep strong! Nobody can bring you down, unless you let them.

[Surfer Dude]

I feel exactly the same way. I just want her to know the pain she is putting me through. I know she is laughing and having a grand old time with my former best friend. In economic terms I want her to "internalize the externality." I want her to feel what she has done to me.

 

But why would she?! Why would she feel remorse? She has proven that her tendency is entirely towards her own self-love. Why would she NOW start feeling remorse when all she has shown is interest in being happy herself? That would require she feel something for somebody else. Self interest is entirely normal, but some people show some sort of inclination towards morals. They have some knowledge about what is intuitively the WRONG thing to do.

 

I know if I saw her she would give me some look of pity. Like oh, I feel so bad about what I've done for 5 seconds, and then she would run off to her new man and be comforted. Which is cruel irony.

 

It is important to just stop thinking about this. Regardless of how little remorse she feels, it doesn't benefit you to try to make her internalize the pain she's made you feel. Just say No and move on.

 

Yeah everything you say is completely true. Her actions have shown that her selfishness and her extreme amount of self love completely destroy her ability to feel empathy for others. Funny thing is, when she saw me all broken, she said "you should get a new gf in order to forget me", to which I said "I don't want to be hurt anymore, I don't need a girlfriend". She just said "hahaha, girls are not like that, it's just me, I will always be like this, hahaha".

 

I really understand what you are feeling. I'm going to give you as much advice as you have given me. You and I both know, she doesn't care. It doesn't matter anymore, she hurt you and she's living the good life. They say life is a full circle, she'll know how it feels one day. By the time she realizes her mistake it will be too late.

 

You don't need to see her have remorse or guilt. You and I know that wouldn't ease your pain. Right now, the pain is clouding your judgment. You would do anything to inflict as much pain as she did to you. This isn't real you. This is a guy who has been broken, beaten and battered. Your soul hurts because the love of your life left you. You're acting out on negative emotions. It's not worth it. She doesn't deserve your thoughts or your love. Reinvest into yourself and realize your worth.

 

You had a setback from a dream. It's okay. Life goes on and you will find your way. Keep strong! Nobody can bring you down, unless you let them.

 

Well I don't want her to feel the pain per se, I was just fantasizing that she might think someday "That guy really loved me and I hurt him, I shouldn't have done that". But there's no use thinking about that.

 

There's no way in hell I'd contact her. I had a moment of weakness today, but I decided to be smart and get out of the house before I send some email I'd regret later. I'm all done coping, but the feeling of loss never really leaves you I think, that sh*t becomes a part of you and you carry it within you all your life. No matter how many girls you sleep with or if you get married and get kids, you're still gonna remember your ex every now and then and feel bitter about it. It's a fact, I've heard it from many older people who already got families etc.

 

Time to become my old self. I've been feeling great for weeks before this happened, I'd better get myself in order. I can't allow insignificant events like dreams to set me back.

[Peter_pan]

I don't need her to be with me, all I want is for her to feel a bit of remorse for doing this to me, to realize what I went through. That would be the real closure. But even if she feels this way, I'm never gonna know, so it doesn't matter.

 

this is exactly what i got from my ex. i am now happy. all i needed to do was to have my say when i finally saw her. and i am happy to a certain degree that her new bf is looking after her and glad she is happy.

 

i will always love the memories we shared and i shall always care about her. and yes i will miss the her that i knew and the person she once was whilst with me.

 

now i hope to one day find someone that makes me happy in every way. and for me to feel the same way back.

 

 

dude this girl treated you like ****. you deserve better. dont let yourself think you need to be with someone who is cold hearted.

 

close this chapter and begin the new one. its much much more exciting than going back. deep down you know this

[EmperorR]

this is exactly what i got from my ex. i am now happy. all i needed to do was to have my say when i finally saw her. and i am happy to a certain degree that her new bf is looking after her and glad she is happy.

 

i will always love the memories we shared and i shall always care about her. and yes i will miss the her that i knew and the person she once was whilst with me.

 

now i hope to one day find someone that makes me happy in every way. and for me to feel the same way back.

 

 

dude this girl treated you like ****. you deserve better. dont let yourself think you need to be with someone who is cold hearted.

 

close this chapter and begin the new one. its much much more exciting than going back. deep down you know this

 

what happened

[Peter_pan]

saw her out in a club. talked. explained what pain she had put me through because of the way it ended, last thing i said to her were i dont care that your with him ( cuss she said he had nothing to do with it ) im glad, i just thought it was f ing harsh you went off with someone when you had only known them for 3 weeks and i stuck by your side for 3 years. she stormed off crying and left the club early

 

i said a bunch of other stuff. im now content. i guess the truth hurts sometimes.

 

ah i dnt like my post count to be 666 lol

[Peter_pan]

so my advice to anyone is dont hold anything inside. get it out. then move on. we cant change the past but you can change your present

[roghornio]

so my advice to anyone is dont hold anything inside. get it out. then move on. we cant change the past but you can change your present

 

You've certainly changed your tune!

[Peter_pan]

speaking to her made me realize i dont fancy her or love her (not after what ive been through) i also realized i am 100% stronger and didn't buckle i have gained character and feel like i am better off. i have a strong group of friends and gained valuable life experience through all this.

 

i know its the gd times and memories i love and miss not her. its a shame how some people change into someone you thought would always be there for you. but thats life. im glad she is happy and if he looks after her then thats great

 

i have no desire to talk to her now. there is nothing to be said. i can now fully focus on hopefully finding someone special

[kizik]

i can now fully focus on hopefully finding someone special

 

Peter, I think the better plan is to fully focus on learning to be happy alone; learning to love yourself without the constant, superficial reassurance of a partner.

[Peter_pan]

yeh thats more important i am happy with myself though