jason83 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Sorry I really don't mean to keep making threads about me but I'm losing my mind. My ex and I have known one another for three years. We dated for a while but really got serious about us eight months ago. She showed interest in another guy a couple months ago but came back to me after breaking up saying she loves me and knows he isn't any good for her and that she was sorry. We talked it through and worked it out. We were spending every free moment together and she withdrew a couple weeks ago saying she needed time to think because we were spending so much time together. That led to her saying she still has feelings for this other guy but doesn't want him. It just really bothers her that she can't shake the feelings. She says she still loves me and is trying to sort through all this. Well I broke up with her on Sunday because of her indecisiveness. I told her I know what I want and it's her. And she says she knows that. But she was shocked I broke up with her saying she thought I would help her through this. I told her if she loves me there shouldn't be anything to work through. But she said that by talking about it was her way of communicating which is something she struggles with. I explained things weren't progressing though and if she wants me, she needs to wake up now because she is losing the best thing in her life. She cried and I told her goodbye. I haven't heard a word from her and obviously I didn't want to break up. All my friends say not to contact her but I want to so bad. I've shown time and again I'm here for her and I guess I was hoping distance would make her wake up to what we had/have. Do I leave her be? I'm dying over here! Thanks for listening!
Author jason83 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Just wanted to clarify that she never dated this guy....just talked to him. The breakup I was talking about was with me, not with him. They were never anything official.
againstallodds Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 You don't know that she never dated him. I think you did a good thing by cutting her off. Just wait for her to contact you and make it hard for her this time to get back with you otherwise she'll run again. She got to chase you this time.
carhill Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Ladies-. What does my ex want? She wants cake, icing and box..... Essentially, to string you along until she figures out what she wants for herself. Purely egotistical and selfish. You did a very difficult yet very wise thing. You forced her into "alone" so she will have to get her feed from some other guy. Maybe it will help her grow up. Let's hope
Author jason83 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Thank you everyone. I worked an overnight last night and had to go drop off a check at the bank today....which is by her work. I couldn't help but drive past her car. She still has the stuffed dog I gave her sitting on her dash. Personally if I want to move past someone I remove that type of stuff. That could be a somewhat good sign, right? Sorry to sound creepy, it was a retail store parking lot not something I had to try to get into. I couldn't help it. This staying strong thing sucks! But I have remained no contact and will continue to do so
Faded Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 No contact doesn't work if you keep checking up on her. =/ It's meant to make YOU feel better. Constantly wondering what your ex is up to is going to make you go insane.
georgejungle Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 NO CONTACT. Seriously, it's hard but be strong. Don't cave in. She doesn't need you to "help her" through this. That's silly for her to say. She's a big girl, she can make up her own mind. If she's torn, then she just doesn't know what the heck she wants and you have to ask yourself, Do you really want a girl like that? She'll only break things off again. This is good. You TOTALLY did the right thing. it hurts like hell, but you did the right thing. Rest Assured. She's got a head full of things to figure out and you can't be the one to "save her" even though you may feel like you want to. Trust me, i lnow how you feel, i've been there. But checking up on her isn't good either. She may still have the stuffed animal, but it's not like she's going to rid her world of you overnight. She knows you want her, she knows.
steve9417 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 hi - applaud you for the action taken ....... the problem now is that you've got to follow through what you've started if you're to maintain respect for yourself ..... i hate to say it but your senses are probably onto something ....... there's no smoke without fire ........ its tough but you've done the right and hardest thing having gone through many angst nights after having been in a similar position to yourself ...... i'd say hang in there .... watch her actions and don't trust her words ...... you've shown good protective skills already and watch you don't start to get involved in a "toxic relationship" that's damaging for yourself feel for you man ....... look after yourself and use the support of LS
Author jason83 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Well, she sent me a text message. We had picked up her little brother's Christmas present together and I had half forgotten that I still have it in my closet. So she asked "Do you think I could get my brothers present?". I wait for about an hour to respond and said "If you pay me for it sure" as I had purchased it at the time. I still haven't gotten anything yet and she knows I work overnight again today. I'm half expecting her to just pop up on my doorstep any minute or else do that tomorrow. I guess we'll see. I'm not trying to be mean about it. I want him to have his present. But she never mentioned my stuff or anything else...
Author jason83 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Were meeting tomorrow at 4:30. Wish me luck
Author jason83 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 I didn't plan to but I feel it's right to give her the toy. It's a hard to find one. And she is bringing my stuff too
Trialbyfire Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 jason, stand firm. She needs to piss or get off the pot. It's not your job to earn her interest back or to try to help her get her head on straight. Go ahead and swap items. Don't forget to get your money for her brother's gift. You don't owe her anything. If she starts the waterworks and wants to get back with you, ask her how she plans to make it up to you. She broke your trust twice with her uncertainty. This isn't good enough. You deserve someone who only wants YOU and no one else. If she can't convince you of this, don't take her back. I wonder if she's even worth taking back, regardless.
Author jason83 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Posted December 24, 2008 Do you think she might try getting back together? I guess anything is a possibility and I'm trying to be smart and keep a cold attitude.
georgejungle Posted December 24, 2008 Posted December 24, 2008 I'll add too, that...it's not too hard to make up your mind that you really like someone and you really want to be with that someone. I'm telling ya, i've been there, I waited for the gal i loved to make up her mind, she played the whole "I'm confused" kinda thing, i broke it off with her, she came crying back, i took her back, she then broke up with ME 2 months later, because she was still "confused". She hadn't really figured herself out like she claimed she had. i fell for it BIGTIME. Stand firm. If it were me, since i've had experience being "burned" like this, I wouldn't take her back at all. She sounds way too wishy washy and unstable in what she wants in life.
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