bodie124 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Hi all, Four days ago I decided to end a 5-year old relationship. We were both living together for three years, and to put it simple our priorities were very different – she wants to settle down, get married and have kids, I want to travel, make friends, and have new experiences. We got into arguments over small, meaningless things that built up over time and drove us apart. Our goals were independent and not mutual. We disagreed on some fundamental issues and couldn’t really share in deep and meaningful conversations I wished for, and couldn’t relate on a lot of things. It felt like we were constantly clashing on small things and any romance was gone. I found myself not wanting to be sexually intimate anymore, and considerably more stressed when I was around her. The clincher was when I was away for three months, and did not find myself missing her the way I thought I would. It was obvious that she wasn’t happy, neither was I. The relationship was just not healthy for either of us. We shared some hurtful comments during the breakup that seemed to have come out of frustration. I urged her that there was no point in continuing if my commitment to her wasn’t 100%, it wouldn’t be fair to her. It seemed like we continually took our frustrations out on each other. The breakup came as a major shock to her and she has done all she can to tell me how terrible a person I am for turning her life upside down. I am ready to try and move on, but I worry that I will not be able to look at myself the same way again and rather as a “heartbreaker”. Am I a terrible person for finally listening to my gut and pulling the plug on this relationship that wasn’t going anywhere? How can I get over this feeling that I am an awful person and a “dumper” or do I just have to live with it? I felt like the biggest thing that was keeping me from leaving the relationship was the fear of being alone and hurting her. I can’t help but miss her, but I do not miss the distant relationship that what we had. We live in a new area and my friend network is small as a result of committing all of my time to the relationship. Is it normal to miss someone even if you were the one to initiate the break up? I don’t want to feel any regrets, but I can’t help but worry about someday having them. Is there a right and wrong way to deal with this? Am I just being totally selfish and immature or is there some merit to my madness? Sorry for the long report. Thank you all for your help and suggestions.
belladonna Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Oh.. I was just saying in my thread that I had ended a 5 year relationship this past summer. We weren't living together though but it was the same thing. He left for a few months and I realized that I wasn't missing him at all - other then that I had to find people to hang out with sometimes. Since it started so young with me I didn't really know how close I should feel to somebody. But the relationship went on a long time because I too was afraid of being alone and hurting him. I think you did the right thing. You'll feel bad about being the dumper for a while but how could you have stayed in a relationship that was so unfulfilling? Not to mention it's not fair to her, she deserves someone that fully wants to be with her. Don't know if that helps any but thought I'd share
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